Tag: WeeGee

Posted in About today

Leap and a net will appear

Posted on by WeeGee

Today WeeGee went on a date with Mr Smiley and WeeGee is pleased to report that a) Mr Smiley is exactly who he appeared to be, b) this is clearly not an elaborate rouse to steal WeeGee’s (non-existent) money and c) WeeGee has not been murdered yet.

I’d love to write more but for now here’s a quick summary…..

  • Number of times WeeGee nearly didn’t get to her date because she was panicking: about a million
  • Number of times WeeGee ‘went a bit shy’ during her date: about a million and a half
  • Number of rubbish things about WeeGee’s date: Zero
  • Number of AWESOME things about WeeGee’s date: Everything else.

Told you I had a bit of a feeling about this….. Leap and a net will appear 🙂

Lots of love from WeeGee xoxoxoxox

 

Posted in About today

Panic on the streets of London*

Posted on by WeeGee

You know that worrying thing I sometimes do? Well it started to edge towards sheer, blind panic this afternoon and in the end Mrs Sparkle had to say for [really bad swear word] sake’s WeeGee – I’m coming over to keep you company before you panic yourself to death or something  and in the meantime can you please not panic and cancel your date?

To be fair I haven’t been panicking all day – in fact I have spent most of the day feeling perfectly content being by myself keeping myself company. Which is nice. I had a little wander along the river to Kingston and enjoyed thinking how much nicer the river is when you’re not thinking about jumping into it. I also started to realise that I am becoming increasingly irritated by grown women wearing those stupid hats with ears and a face on them. I know it’s supposed to be sweet and endearing, but it isn’t. It looks slightly ridiculous**

I rambled quite happily around the shops in Kingston.*** The thing about both living and working in a place is that if you go out at the weekend you bump into loads of people you work with. Sometimes it’s a bit irritating, but today I had a FAB time saying hey to all the work people including ‘Mrs I’ve no idea what your name is or what you do but I’m going to say hey anyway because I vaguely recognise you from work’. It was the first time in a long time, perhaps even ever, that I thought to myself ‘well this is nice – I belong here’

The panicking started growing when I got back when I realised it was nearly Saturday night which meant it was nearly Sunday morning which meant I was nearly going to meet Mr Smiley IN THE REAL WORLD. I’d love to do one of my little lists of all the things I’ve been panicking about but there is simply not enough space in the blogosphere for that….

Anyway, Mrs sparkle is here now**** which is good because a) every time I panic she says ‘don’t panic’ b) she brought chocolate and c) she has volunteered to be in charge of making the tea. It is bad because she is a) FORCING me to watch X Factor***** b) insisting on reading out a load of POINTLESS horoscope compatibility things and c) not actually that good at making the tea.

Meanwhile in other news we still can’t make up our minds between the plain black dress, the one with flowers on it or the one with birds on it. Nothing else to report save that although I am a little panicky it’s actually quite a good panicky

Lots of panicky but not in a bad way love from WeeGee xxxxxx

PS – wish me luck

*I thought a Smiths song as a title would make up for the Elton John one I did earlier in the week. Am I all cool again?

**Of course, if you own such a hat it doesn’t look ridiculous on you. It’s just all the other people who look ridiculous

***Resisting the strong urge to sort people’s poppies out for them. How can you not know that a poppy goes on the left hand side with the leaf pointing to 11 o’clock? How can WeeGee resist so many OCD tendencies?

****It might sound rude to be blogging when I’ve got company, but in my defence Mrs Sparkle is currently using up my Internet to stalk people on Facebook and poke them and fling sheep at them and stuff. Or whatever it is the kids do on facebook nowadays

*****I’ve just watched four small boy children singing about fixing people and I’d quite like to puke now if it’s all the same to you

Posted in About today

Lucky pants

Posted on by WeeGee

After two very rubbish days at work I decided there was only one thing for it: lucky pants. They appear to have done the trick because today is very definitely not going to be a rubbish day at work.

I received my summons to Mrs Scary Boss Lady’s office this morning and after much faffing around under my desk to find some suitably high footwear (more about my footwear shortly) I attended Boss Lady’s office and explained, as I was required to, what had gone wrong. And then Mrs Scary Boss Lady said something I really wasn’t expecting her to say: These Things Happen. Maybe she isn’t so scary after all…..

It’s my dad’s birthday today, so I was thinking about him as I made my way to work in the autumn sunshine. I was thinking about his last birthday, when he turned sixty and WeeGee was mental and had a rotten time trying to drag herself through all the surprises and excitement and general jolly stuff. I wish it was his big birthday this year because then I would be able to enjoy it with him. Anyway – you can’t turn back time, and maybe the main thing to take from my thinking is quite how far I’ve come.

There is an air of happiness and hilarity in the office today. Everyone has got over the explosions and definitely have their eyes on the weekend. Mr Hilarious is on top form today. He greeted me by saying ‘feel how cold my banana is’ whilst pointing a banana at me in the fashion of a gun*. Of course, I didn’t rise to his lewdness but I did feel his banana and can confirm it was very cold indeed. He’s also just asked me to ‘sniff his lunch box’ which suggests that one of the main outcomes of the online dating experiment has been everybody thinking I have turned into Barbara Windsor or somefink.

Here are a few more thoughts about online dating by the way:

  • Hints don’t work very well in the online dating world and you sometimes have to resort to YOU ARE SCARING ME NOW. PLEASE EFF RIGHT OFF
  • Some people appear to be looking for ‘anybody’ rather than ‘somebody’ which makes me feel sad
  • If you are going to choose a user name like Mr Cool, or Trendy Guy or Eligible you should probably think long and hard about whether you’re going to be able to pull it off

I’ve got another post about online dating planned although I might decide to turn it into a PhD instead – Boy Meets Girl: Gender Politics in the Online Dating World….. Anyway – the main thing to say about my online dating experiment is that it’s on hold pending a trip to the Science Museum on Sunday** and ***

What next? Oh yes, I was going to tell you about my shoes. After yesterday’s hole in the shoe incident I decided I was going to be very particular about my foot wear today. So – I was rooting about trying to find a pair of shoes that could be added to a suit that would be quirky enough to make it feel like I wasn’t actually wearing a suit**** and I found a pair of shoes I’d never worn before. I’d never worn them because I wasn’t quite sure about them but couldn’t put my finger on why I wasn’t quite sure of them.

Anyway I went with the shoes on a whim. As the morning dragged on I decided to go and visit the IT Crowd because I fancied a small skive***** I walked into the office and said ‘hey IT Crowd I’ve come for a skive’ and one of the IT Crowd said ‘Hey WeeGee – why are you wearing your slippers?’ And then I realised why I wasn’t quite sure about my shoes.

Meanwhile in other news I tried really hard with my asterisks today in an attempt to reclaim the blog asterisk world record from Ellie the Anxious Elephant but alas – I did not succeed. Never fear though Ellie, I will try again soon because I consider myself to have been challenged! Nothing else to report today save that I Is Back Init?!

Lots of love and hugs from WeeGee xxxx

*Which reminded me of my favourite comedy Family Fortunes answer ever. “We asked 100 people something you can do with a banana” Genuine top answer: give it to a monkey?!

**First date to the Science Museum – how cool is that?

***That’s the one you’ve got your fingers crossed for

****I don’t always wear a suit but decided I’d rather receive a telling off in a suit because then it wouldn’t really be me getting told off it would just be me doing an impression of somebody wearing a suit getting told off

*****Because every self respecting (occasional) skiver knows that’s the best place to skive because it’s good fun and  even if you get caught you can just make up a couple of acronyms beginning with V and then talk about scalability and stability and stuff and nobody is any the wiser

Posted in Moving forwards

Bumps in the road

Posted on by WeeGee

I thought I’d start today with a huge, massive and very public thank you to one of my very favourite blogging buddies who did an awesome job of helping me get myself pointed in the right direction again last night. I love the fact that I can have a shocker of a day and someone who I have never met will pop up and say ‘Hey WeeGee here are loads of hugs and let’s have a little chat about what’s going on and see if we can’t figure it out’ And then we have a little chat and pretty much figure it out. The Internet is AWESOME and so is Bourbon who writes a brilliant blog and is mental health blogging royalty in my book….. Love you loads, Bourbon xxxx

As far as yesterday is concerned here is what I have to say: Dear Yesterday, I’m glad you’re over with because you were rubbish. Please can you never darken my door again? Lots of love, WeeGee

Today I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what went so badly wrong yesterday. Here’s what I’ve figured out so far:

  • I was tired, under nourished and poorly
  • I was disappointed that I couldn’t see my parents especially because it was my fault because I was unwell
  • I was looking forward to seeing my parents because I was all better and enthusiastic and I wanted them to know they had their daughter back after everything she had put them through
  • I was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed by online dating
  • As to whether I had disappointed anyone – it occurred that other people’s feelings were nothing to do with me and things always turn out of the best in the end
  • All of those things made me vulnerable and I’m not very good at being vulnerable

When I got up this morning I decided that I wasn’t going to talk to anybody that I didn’t want to. I think I’ve been being a bit too polite about talking to people recently. I think the point I’m making that Mr I’m Very Probably Normal is all well and good but Mr I’m Very Probably Awesome is where I’d rather spend my time. There aren’t very many of them at all, so it isn’t overwhelming and all is well again.

I spent most of today doing AWESOME things like running all the way to Hampton court and then realising I had to run all the way back as well because I’d missed the river boat and there were no trains and then spending a few pretty perfect hours teaching Little Miss Hilarious how to make pom poms* Little Miss Hilarious is awesome because a) she dishes out the best cuddles in the world, b) she takes learning how to make pom poms so seriously that she asks her daddy to write down all the steps for her so she doesn’t forget and c) she gets to the end of her visit and says ‘why are you wearing that outfit? Which was hilarious because I was indeed in strange attire** but adults would be too polite to mention it and what’s wrong with a bit of honesty

As for this evening I shall be watching strictly come dancing. I hope that you thought I am far too cool for that kind of thing and you’d be absolutely right because I only watch it in an ironic way…..

The headline today is that yesterday was little more than a bump in road and I’m back on track again now thank you very much

Huge massive hugs and loads of love to make up for yesterday WeeGee xxxxx

*I think that Mr and Mrs Hilarious could have figured out how to do this themselves and the visit was purely to make sure I wasn’t totally mental. Which is cool

**In my defence, I wasn’t expecting company

Posted in About today

Never laugh again

Posted on by WeeGee

I’m not having a good day and I’m sorry I’m to be sharing this kind of post with you again but I need to talk to somebody and everybody is busy so you guys get the pleasure of a sobbing WeeGee.

I can’t believe what a difference a day can make – bouncing around laughing one day and filled full of nothing the next. I was supposed to bounce around for a while and then settle down nicely. Why does my brain never do what it’s supposed to?

Today I have mostly hated myself for the following reasons:

  • I’ve been living on complan for two days now because my appetite disappeared when I was sick and every time I tried to eat something I got the ‘refeeding horrors’
  • I think I disappointed somebody so much that they don’t like me anymore. This makes me sad because you know all that bouncing around trying to make people laugh I do? Well I mostly do that because I kind of need people to like me.
  • I have come to the conclusion that I am far too mental to even think about getting to know people who didn’t know me before I was mental which puts a bit of a spanner in the all new WeeGee works
  • Mum and dad couldn’t come to visit today because WeeGee was sick and WeeGee’s mum can’t be around sick people
  • I answered the phone to Mr Friendly so that I could be reminded how  utterly inadequate I am as a human being

To be honest I could write a much longer list of all the things I hate about myself but those are the main ones and I’ll leave it at that.

Right now I am sobbing. I’m sobbing for everything – for the last two years of my life, for all the things that will never happen, for all the emptiness there is to come.

…… And if somebody could tell a joke about now that would be just super because it feels like I might never laugh again.

I can’t send you any love today because there isn’t any of that in my heart

WeeGee x

Posted in About today

How do you date twenty five people at once?

Posted on by WeeGee

It’s been a funny old day in WeeGee land today. I am still very poorly but I am also a bit bouncy and enthusiastic which is a strange combination because it makes you do silly things like wearing an outfit you bought to go to  a wedding to work and feeling a bit over dressed for the rest of the day…..

I didn’t fancy a re-run of yesterday’s adventures in not boring yourself to death when you are poorly at home so I decided I might as well go into the office to try and not bore myself to death there instead. It’s actually quite easy not to bore yourself to death in the office on a Friday when everybody is in a good mood and therefore more susceptible to join in when WeeGee bounces around being distracted and generally hilarious. Much fun was had in the office this afternoon and I kept forgetting I was poorly, which was nice. We also decided what’s going to happen next in Homeland* and which one of the IT Crowd is most likely to buy an ipad mini even though they’ve already got a pad, pod and phone and every other gadget going – the conclusion was Mr Hilarious, by the way and that is exactly why Mr Hilarious is my best friend in the world bar none.

What next? Oh I know….. I had a particularly amusing search engine term yesterday which I thought I’d share: “how do you date 25 people at once?”. In the off chance that person comes back to my blog in an attempt to find the answer I’m going to point it out to them: YOU DON’T. THE END. Whilst we are on the subject of online dating here are my top tips for the day:

  • It is never, ever, socially acceptable (not even on the Interweb) to say the following to a stranger ‘hey there WeeGee can you tell me how fab your tits are?**’
  • If you’ve never met me and you call me ‘darling’ I will take an instant and irretrievable dislike to you***
  • If a guy sends you his number and the only thing you can think of to store it as is ‘Nick the perv’ you definitely don’t want to store it

I think that’s about it from an online dating point of view – although I should point out that I met a magician recently. As in a real life actual person who goes to work as a Magician every day. How cool is that?

Now for a small serious section

I’ve been having a few little worries to myself recently – not the big “I’m so worried I’m going to jump off something tall so I don’t have to worry anymore” kind of worry, but you know what I’m like with worrying so I thought it was the kind of thing I should talk through with Mrs Mountain. Mrs Mountain reliably informed me that most of the things I am worrying about are the things that NORMAL PEOPLE worry about anyway. Which was nice. She also pointed out that if you’ve spent two years wanting to climb up a tall thing just so you can jump off it it’s natural to be a little frightened by the thought you might actually like to climb up a tall thing just for the sheer hell of it – and that made a lot of sense to me.

We also did a bit of boundary checking today what with boundaries being one of the things I’ve been having a little worry about. My usual problem with boundaries is setting them too narrow so that nobody can get anywhere near me – I know about narrow boundaries and how to sort that out. What I don’t know about is boundaries that are too wide, and I suppose I was worried that the current attack of the bouncy and enthusiastics might have set my boundaries too widely and was giving too much of myself away. Anyway, we came to the conclusion that probably isn’t the case because I’m not ending up anywhere I feel uncomfortable and also because I know that I get to set my own boundaries and that’s the end of that.

The end of the small serious section

Meanwhile in other news I will shortly be going home to be poorly which sucks because everybody else in the whole entire world is going out to eat, drink and be merry and I’m quite bouncy so I’d like to do a bit of that too. Instead I am going home to eat healthy red, green and brown stuff, and then cuddle up with Gryff and watch Have I Got News For You. Rock and roll. Nothing else to report today save that…. Did I mention I am poorly?

Lots of love and awesome things from WeeGee Still McSickNote xxx

*If what we’ve decided is going to happen doesn’t happen I am going to be VERY DISAPPOINTED

**Because everybody knows that the correct terminology when addressing a lady such as myself is ‘breasts’. That is A Joke, by the way

***Most other affectionate pet names are acceptable apart from maybe sweet cheeks, I’m not keen on that

Posted in About today

Ignore me – I’m a lunatic

Posted on by WeeGee

You know my last post? Well you can ignore that one already because broken brain isn’t getting away with that one. I liked my little hope and I’m keeping it whether the brain likes it or not.

The very lovely Ellie AKA the Anxious Elephant nominated me for the ‘very inspiring blogger award’ which was good of her not least because her blog is awesome. I’ve had that one before* so I’m not going to re-accept but I thought I’d half take part by telling you seven things about myself . That’ll be good fun eh?

Seven things that WeeGee did today

1. WeeGee realised she was having the annual swollen tonsils event and thought ‘what a pain in the backside that is’.

2. WeeGee got all bundled up in her new hat to go to the doctors but soon realised she didn’t need her new hat because it wasn’t actually that cold and she was too hot to start with anyway. This is me in my new hat** which I share with you because it’s new and I haven’t had any compliments yet. Yes. That was a hint.

3. WeeGee finally got to the end of The Thick of It and realised that Mr Friendly was right when he said it peaked at episode five. Which annoyed her because now she can’t have an argument about it with him.

4. WeeGee spent the afternoon trying to complete her mission to read the whole of the Internet. She hasn’t quite managed it yet but her preliminary review is that some of it is good but most of it is RUBBISH

5. WeeGee spent a lot of time wondering how she hadn’t discovered Good Old War on spotify before because they are AWESOME

6. WeeGee had a little bit of a wobbly boohoo moment but was okay in the end

7. WeeGee decided that she was going into work tomorrow even if she dies in the night because being poorly at home is BORING

Told you it’d be fun 😀

Lots of love from WeeGee McSickNote xxxxx

*I must be very inspiring or somefink!

**I’m not actually smiling – that’s my ‘I’m very poorly’ brave face

Posted in About today

Why must I do this to myself?

Posted on by WeeGee

I apologise in advance for this one. I’m afraid it isn’t very cheery. Today I am sad. Actually, I’m not only sad, I feel like somebody tuned out all the lights again….

It started, I guess when I was listening to this song*

And I was having a nice little hope to myself – thinking ‘please, please let me get what I want’ when it hit me. What if I can’t cope with not getting what I think I might want? What if I end up all devastated and bereft and the flat and empties return to torment me for another million years?

So I started to think about doing what WeeGee does when confronted with such situations – I decided hiding was the only option. Instead of waiting to find out if I might get what I want for once in my life I’ll decide I don’t want it. I’ll spend my time forgetting about my little hope and I’ll never find out what might have happened and I’ll head off something bad happening by making sure that nothing good happens.

Why must I do this to myself?

 

*Golden rule of recovery? Don’t listen to the Smiths when you are poorly and sad

Posted in Little things that made me smile

Holy Swearword!

Posted on by WeeGee

I had a bit of a ‘holy swearword moment’ this morning. I woke up*, got out of bed: morning Gryff, morning Sean** flipped the kettle on and headed for the shower. When I was in the shower I thought ‘ooooh I wonder what’s going to happen today?’ and started having a nice little daydream about all the things that might happen. Which is when I had my ‘holy swearword moment’…..

So you know I’ve spent the last five months of my blog going ‘boo hoo, woe is me, I hate myself and everything is pointless?’. Guess what’s happened now? I’ve only gone and worked out what the point is.

I don’t know what’s going to happen today AND THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT. Things are going to happen – good things, bad things, weird things, funny things and all sorts of other things and WeeGee is going to be right there in the world finding out what things are going on.

How exciting is my holy swearword moment?

I was bursting to share that with you, but I’ll be back later to fill you in on the gossip.

Lots of love and a little bit of gratuitous swearing (but not out loud because Rhio doesn’t like it) from WeeGee xxx

 

 

*Early again which I LOVE

**Sean W Keavney of Six Music fame***

***Bet you thought I’d got a new man for a minute there didn’t you? Hey – I’m good at online dating but I’m not that good 😉

 

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

I love my kettle

Posted on by WeeGee

I came to the conclusion that I had to speak to somebody about being all bouncy and enthusiastic after the following occurred:

WeeGee wakes up early and thinks I LOVE waking up early

WeeGee looks in the mirror and thinks I LOVE my  haircut

WeeGee picks Gryff up and thinks I LOVE Gryff

WeeGee turns the radio on and thinks I LOVE this song

WeeGee switches the kettle on and thinks…… I LOVE MY KETTLE.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice enough kettle, but that’s really not the point.

I’m fairly confident that the flat and empties are on their way out of my life for a little while which means that the chemicals in my brain are swimming around in the right places in the right quantities. That’s the good part. The bad part is that my brain has been flat and empty for more than two years now and it doesn’t really know what’s hit it. In response broken brain has decided that it’s invincible and that it LOVES everything which is a) exhausting and b) a bit dangerous. It’s dangerous because the last time my brain was like that I did a number of monumentally stupid things, the consequences of which I’m still dealing with now.

I spoke to Mr Wise about what was going on, on account of him being all wise about matters concerning WeeGee’s wonky brain. Here’s what we decided:

 

  • I’m a little bit over excited and suggestible at the moment
  • I’m aware that I’m a little bit over excited and suggestible at the moment
  • The fact that I’m aware that I’m a little bit over excited and suggestible at the moment is a good thing because it means I’ve got the wherewithal to know that buying a brand new Audi on Hire Purchase probably isn’t a good idea right now

Actually here’s another thing I know – being a bit excited at the moment isn’t an entirely bad thing because it is partly in response to exciting things happening. That’s perfectly normal – my only difficulty is that the mentals are magnifying things a little bit.

Finally here’s the most important thing I know – eventually all this bounding around filled full of enthusiasm is going to settle down and that’s going to mean that I’m getting towards the end of the road to recovery. My aim for the time between now and settling down is to make sure that I don’t do anything monumentally stupid and (go me) I have a little plan.

Here’s what WeeGee is going to do:

  • Continue to take her meds until such a time that Mr Clever says otherwise
  • Contact Mr Clever’s office if she thinks she’s going to rate a day as better than ten out of ten
  • Consult with Mr Wise before making any purchases or financial decisions
  • Avoid alcohol completely
  • Be careful with caffeine and sugar
  • Not get a tattoo
  • Not dye her hair any colour but especially not a colour involving the word neon
  • Not buy a brand new Audi* on Hire Purchase

Anyway – I’m feeling rather pleased with myself at the moment because I saw something coming down the tracks and I didn’t wait to see what happened when it hit me – I had a bit of insight and took some positive action and you can’t say fairer than that

Lots of love, hugs and bouncing around from WeeGee xxxxx

*I don’t know where the obsession with owning an Audi comes from because a) I don’t care about cars and b) I can’t drive……