Category: Moving forwards

Posted in About today, Moving forwards, Politics, Reasons to be cheerful

What’s that coming over the hill?

Posted on by WeeGee

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but there’s this petulant man-child who thinks he’s the President of The United States of America ALL OVER the Internet. I think he might actually be COMPLETELY nuts, as in “Maybe someone ought to stage an intervention before this shit gets out of hand” kind of nuts….

nuts

There are many things I don’t understand about Donald Trump. His hair, for one thing, is a constant source of wonderment. I mean, HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK does a dude who gives every appearance of being vanity personified – and who has all the money he professes to have – try on all of the hairpieces in the million dollar hairpiece shop and decide THIS is the look he’s going with:

I know it’s a cheap shot and I know nobody would dream of commenting on his appearance if he happened to be a female politician. The thing is, my concern is less about his appearance and more about what his hair tells me about his judgement. I truly don’t know what to make of his daily decision to leave the house with something that might actually be alive sitting angrily atop his head. There is one thing I know for certain, though: that wig was ABSOLUTELY NOT chosen by a rational man….

overcomb

At the end of the day Donald Trump is not my President, so Donald Trump isn’t really any of my business.

ASIDE: If I were an American he’d be ‘hashtag-not-my-President’ but as things stand, he is ACTUALLY not my President. Politically speaking, this is the only advantage I can find to being British at the moment….

The trouble, of course, is that the President of The United States has long been regarded as the de-facto leader of the ‘Free World’ and I think I might belong to that, whatever it is, if it still exists.

Look. All I’m saying is that if aliens landed tomorrow and I was forced to introduce that stinking sack of bile as Our Leader I’d be FUCKING mortified on behalf of the whole of humanity. To be honest, when the aliens do land tomorrow (What? Aliens land every day. ALTERNATIVE FACTS ARE FACTS TOO, deal with it, snowflake.) we might be better off taking the little buggers to a different Deplorable Leader – one who can string a sentence together and who perhaps isn’t completely devoid of any of the qualities that usually stop other people, and presumably aliens, from wanting to punch you in your face until you stop saying words.

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I suppose the thing with Donald Trump is that he demands a reaction. It doesn’t really matter whether you loathe him or you love him, one way or another you can’t help but respond to his strange dog whistle. Maybe the best thing to do is to choose not to respond to the hatred. I fear it may be too late for that this time but I’ll tell you what, next time an odious dickhead in a toupee turns up wanting to be the boss of anything I vote we ignore the fuck right out of it……

My response to Trump is, as you can see, wholly negative. I don’t get it and if I spend time trying to get it I start to feel like nothing will ever be right again – at which point I have to stop trying to get it for the sake of my sanity. I can’t understand how someone so graceless, so nasty, so utterly vacuous and so completely incapable of articulating even the most basic of arguments has become so fucking powerful. I JUST DON’T GET IT. I mean I get that some voters feel disillusioned and disenfranchised and I get that disillusioned and disenfranchised voters will (and indeed should) seek to effect change but I don’t get why anyone would seek anything in the darkest of dark places that is President Trump’s mind.

ASIDE: Incidentally, I feel much the same about Nigel Farage and his nationalist cronies here in the UK, although thankfully, as things stand, they are ‘just’ all of the above without any of the power. Farage, for all his bluster and airtime, is still nothing more than the shitty little tail that wagged Britain’s dog straight out of the European Union…..

straight-outta

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The question I’ve been asking myself, for months now is WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK are we supposed to do? How do you stand up for what you know to be right when what is wrong is so much louder than anything you can come up with? How do you make the world the best it can be when the worst of it is at the fore?

How do you stop monsters in their tracks? 

Of course, I don’t know the answer yet, not really, but I do know that there’s no good trying to do it all at once: How do you eat an elephant? Bite by bite. How do you make the world better? A little at a time.

Personally, I know I need to be careful. I need to be mindful that my mental health can be fragile, that I have a tendency to obsess and that I am easily crushed, defeated and overwhelmed. I need to remember that refusing to stand idly by is not the same thing as taking on the whole world. 

And so, I’ll draw my lines in the sand. I’ll figure out what matters the most, as far as I can, and I’ll figure out how I direct my energies towards making even the smallest of differences. My time, my money, my words, my actions: these are the things I have and I’ll use them. I’ll write to the dudes in suits, I’ll smile at strangers on trains, I’ll march, I’ll agitate, I’ll volunteer, I’ll send charities what I can – in cash and in kind. In short, I’ll take my anger and I’ll use it. 
sign-1

I won’t sit down. And I won’t shut up. Most of all, I’ll turn up for the task, every single day. Bite by bite and a little at a time, the monsters will be quietened. 

Love you all lots, like Jelly Tots.

WeeGee xoxoxo

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Posted in Moving forwards

Not dead yet

Posted on by WeeGee

So…. safe to say it’s been a wee while: a fair few months since my last post, and a fair few more months since anything approaching regular blogging. I could try and explain where the silence came from but that would take a VERY long time and it isn’t particularly pertinent to anything I’m planning on writing about and, if the truth be told, the explanation would make for a REALLY boring blog post. As in EVEN MORE really boring than usual and nobody wants to read an EVEN MORE really boring blog post that usual so I vote we just draw a great big line under the silence and get on with it.

Blog two

Sorry. Here is the line:

_______________________________________________________________________________________

The last time I popped up I was all “boo hoo, I hate myself and I want a pie.” As I recall, it was a mood that lasted for a couple of days before being replaced by a spot of putting one foot in front of the other because, when it comes down to it, what else is there to do? Curling into a tiny quarter circle and pulling the covers up over your head until the world goes away doesn’t seem to work, and I can say that with some considerable authority…..

Blog three

Mentally I’m pretty good, you know, for a mental person. I take my meds every day, eat well, sleep when I’m supposed to and keep myself as grounded as I can. Sometimes my mood is low and sometimes my mood is high and I don’t always know what mood I’m going to get when I wake up in the morning, but – and this is the important bit – the moods don’t persist and my feelings aren’t the boss of me. This, I guess, is what you would describe as a ‘good patch’. I like it well enough and the white coat dudes seem happy enough with the state of affairs here in WeeGee land. AWESOME, huh?

Blog six

It wouldn’t be WeeGee land if the rug wasn’t pulled from under my feet every once in a while, and of course, there are still some things that I’m ‘working on’. I’m starting to work through all the shit on the shelves – the things that I shoved in boxes when I wasn’t well enough to deal with them. Little by little I’m figuring myself out.

My focus at the moment is on the way I use my time. I’m working hard to make sure that I do the things that I need to do as well as the things I want to do and I’m trying to get used to balancing that with the things that other people need and want me to do. Needless to say, it’s the whole balance thing that presents the greatest challenge, partly because I tend towards being a bit of a doormat, but also because of the whole ‘all or nothing’ thing I’ve got going on here. There’s a whole post in the ‘all or nothing’ thing which I fully intend to write at some point in the future, perhaps when I’ve started to understand the time I’ve got and the way I’m going to fill it. For now, I had a bit of time on my hands and I decided I wanted to write a post. So I just went ahead and used my time to write a post. Go me.

Anyhow – THIS IS WEEGEE LAND CALLING THE LAND OF BLOG. Is there anybody there? Are you all shiny, happy and super awesome? I really do hope so…..

I figured we might as well finish, in the time honoured tradition of WeeGee land, with a little SIR FRANK TURNER song. Because FRANK TURNER.

Love you all lots, like jelly tots,

WeeGee xoxox

Posted in Moving forwards

Happily ever after

Posted on by WeeGee

Although it probably seems otherwise to the untrained eye, I didn’t really stop blogging – I just stopped publishing my posts. I don’t exactly know why, by which I mean the hiatus was never intentional. For every single day where there was no post, my thoughts were full of How do you eat an elephant?

In many ways things have been exactly the same. I still spend my time filing my little notebook up with ideas, I still fall asleep turning the ideas over and over in my head, I still march through life trying to find the words that will make it make sense outside my head. In short, I’m still telling the story of myself to myself – day by day, week by week, and sometimes, of course, just hour by hour.

In other ways, things have been entirely different, not least because I’m well. I’m grounded, more interested than obsessed, capable of insight and, perhaps most importantly of all, happy and contented with the place in the world I’ve landed and the person I’ve managed to become. I know what my strengths are, and I recognise the things that hold me back. I’m prepared to say ‘no’, step back and take charge of things for myself. When there is pressure in my life its because I put it there – the agenda is entirely my own. I’m not selfish, but I’m not selfless either and I’m not ashamed to say that it’s taken me 35 years to figure out where that balance lies.

Since last I wrote, there has been life. I got engaged* and finally decided what my ‘career’ is all about. I started a new job, made new friends and made new promises to myself. There have been births and deaths, but no marriages. I’ve read one hell of a lot of books and rediscovered my passion for indie bands that nobody seems to have heard of. I’ve watched all four seasons of Game of Thrones, despite swearing I never would**. I’ve reached a point in my life where money doesn’t really matter and know how lucky that makes me. I’ve completed a crossword almost every day and decided that life is too short for suduko.

Its just life, and it marches on. I don’t dread it anymore.

My difficulties are ‘recurrent’*** and I won’t be well forever. I know that. I also know that my difficulties are not occurring at the moment and, if life is only a series of moments joined together to make a story, I’m going to make the most of the moment I’m in. Like I’ve always said, I love stories – with their beginnings, middles and endings – and the moments of calm you find in them.

I used to think it was all about happily ever after, that it would only be okay when it was okay forever. As for what I think now? I think its okay right now and I’m content with that.

Love you all lots, like jelly tots,

WeeGee xoxoxo

* I know, right?!

** High brow, it is not and misogyny it very definitely is. A right ripping yarn though….

***Grammatically, I think it should be ‘recurring’ but who am I to argue with the white coat people?

Posted in Moving forwards

Little black submarines

Posted on by WeeGee

Since last I wrote I have mostly been being awake but, looking on the bright side, I have at least been awake at all the usual and required times as well as for THE WHOLE REST OF THE TIME when all the sensible people were fast asleep…..

My last post was one of those bleak affairs that I’m wont to turn out every once in a while. For a while I felt bad about writing it but I’ve had one of my little thinks and decided that if a gloomy post every once in a while is the worst thing my brain can come up with then I’m probably doing fairly well in the main scheme of things. Of course that’s more looking on the bright side. What can I say? Welcome back to WeeGee Land, I guess….

Safe to say my blog has been a little quiet of late. For the most part it has been the worst of times. And it has been the worst of times. And, put simply I couldn’t be arsed to turn my computer on. My broken brain has been misfiring all over the place and I’ve felt like my whole life was under siege. I got to the point of thinking that NOTHING WOULD EVER BE OKAY AGAIN. But it will, in time. I know that because I didn’t spend all the time I spent learning all the things I learned about living with a broken brain to go and forget that when it mattered the most.

When the chips are down time stretches until you think it might never end and you think that’s the problem: time marching on (and on and on and on). The thing is, when the chips are down, the only thing you need is time. Of course it marches on AND THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF IT. The next chapter is just around the corner and I’m starting to remember that I’m going to get to it whether I think I want to or not.

This is yet another toe in the water. There have been a few in recent months but eventually, surely, one of them will be just bold enough. I’ve been living in my own head, hiding from the world and from all the things that are very definitely better in that out. I’m yet to find a better remedy for my hiding than blogging so I happen I might stick with it this time. Or at least try to…..

I thought I’d try and revive an age old tradition and leave you with a song. It’s a whimsical song that doesn’t really mean a whole lot (except of course, those are always the songs that mean the most)

Until next time.

Love you all lots and lots like jelly tots

WeeGee xoxoxo

Posted in Moving forwards

A very particular kind of post

Posted on by WeeGee

This is a very particular kind of post. It’s an ‘it’s pretty late, and I’ve been faffing around all evening, and if I don’t get this post out now I don’t know if I’ll ever find the time’ kind of a post….. Like I said, a very particular kind of post.

I have to start with an explanation, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say, I have to start with a clarification. I need to make it clear that when I mentioned the unpleasant stuff that’s been going on on WordPress in my last post I WAS NOT passing any judgements, or taking any sides, or professing that I knew better than anyone else. All I was really trying to say was that I’d been bothered by the whole thing – by what happened, by how it unfolded, and the by way it ended up.

All any of us can ever do is what we think is right and, for the most part, it’s perfectly okay for us to differ. I did receive one comment on the subject which I chose not to approve – but that choice wasn’t about censorship, or not allowing other views to come to the fore. I just didn’t feel that it was necessary to have the discussion, and I certainly didn’t feel my blog was the right place to do it.

And that REALLY is all I’ve got to say about the matter. This is me drawing my own little line under it:

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Anyway – did you all notice that my blog has A BRAND NEW THEME? I kinda like it and I hope that you do too…..

Thoughts? Comments? Indifference?

It was always going to be a short one what with it being late, and it being a very particular kind of post and all. The headline is that WeeGee is a chipper WeeGee again and I’ve got some VERY EXCITING blogging news to share with you VERY SOON. It’s properly exciting. You’re going to love it. This, by the way, is me TRYING TO HYPE SOMETHING UP so you all get as excited as me……. Are you excited yet?!

Meanwhile in other news since last I mentioned minor TV obsessions I’ve done five seasons of 24 and fallen a little bit in love with Jack Bauer. Nothing else to report save that this is the end of the very particular kind of post.

Oh. I almost forgot to mention. It’s penguin awareness day today. So you know, be aware and stuff:

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Love you lots and lots like jelly tots and tots,

WeeGee

Posted in Moving forwards

The infinite sadness of all things

Posted on by WeeGee

I’m not entirely sure where the title of this post came from. In my head it was the title of a book, or a song, or maybe even a line from a book of a song. In the end, not even my expert googling skills could find its origin so it looks like my brain just went and made it up. Which isn’t entirely surprising when you come to think of it.

Since last I wrote I have mostly been having a mild case of the doomy gloomies. Nothing serious, you understand – just that heavy, hopeless, tiresome kind of feeling that pops along every so often to mess with your alien brain. In all fairness the doomy gloomies didn’t exactly come from nowhere. In fact, there were at least three separate contributory factors:

Contributory factor number one: HORMONES – there was a time when I thought I’d never be well enough to have the right amount of the right hormones swimming about at the right time. Now I am well enough I have only one thing to say. Dear hormones, Kindly FUCK RIGHT OFF. Lots of love, WeeGee xox
Contributory factor number two: MIGRAINES – I’ve suffered from chronic migraines for the largest part of my adult life and they are officially rubbish, so rubbish in fact that I have only one thing to say. Dear migraines, Kindly FUCK RIGHT OFF. Lots of love, WeeGee xox
Contributory factor number three: JANUARY – I totally, absolutely, and wholeheartedly hate January so much that I have only one thing to say. Dear January…… You get the picture, right?

The good news is that the doomy gloomies seem to be over and done with now and, for the most part, I’m back to my jolly little self. To be fair, it wasn’t all bad because I had the opportunity to sit with myself and reflect on where I’ve been and where I am and where I’m going to and it was a really good exercise in PERSPECTIVE and important stuff like that. It took me an awful long time to get to the point where it became safe to do nothing other than sit with myself so in the main I’m looking at it as a reason to be cheerful. It’s time to move on, and put one foot in front of the other, and keep on keeping on. That’s what I do, because that’s what I’m good at doing.

Now seems as good a time as any for a couple of reminders. First up there’s Blog for Mental Health 2014. I hope you can find a spare five minutes to find out more and, if you are so inclined take part. I’ve been reading ALL of the pledges, slowly but surely and they’re all pretty cool – sad, happy, brave, funny, inspirational and basically EVERY DIFFERENT KIND OF AWESOME. It’s one of those things that it really is worth taking part in. I also wanted to send out a gentle reminder that all kinds of exciting things take place on How do you eat an elephant’s Facebook page. At the moment I’m taking part in 100 Happy Days and posting my pictures up there. That there is another thing that’s worth getting involved with, by the way. So far I’m really enjoying it – its helping to keep me grounded, and focused on the here and now, and generally engaged with the world round about me….

Before I go I wanted to pass the briefest of comments on the recent ‘stir’ here in the land of blog. I won’t go into the details, because the details aren’t mine to share but the whole thing bothered and upset me in an awful lot of different ways. As far as I can see something pretty unpleasant happened and that was followed by vigilantism, and an ‘outing’ and a judge judy and executioner* kind of thing. Which in my book is pretty unpleasant too. I’m the first to admit that I’m one of those bleeding heart liberals but you know, for every story there is another side and when those sides can’t be reconciled we have due process and the rule of law and justice. The trouble with justice is that we all get it. Even the really nasty people……..

Ho hum….

Meanwhile in other news I’m sitting with Mr Awesome Number Five who is watching soccer ball. And Get This: there’s a player who goes by the name of Noone. What an unfortunate name. Nothing else to report today save that I’m already bored of the soccer ball but it did give me the opportunity to get this post out. Swings and roundabouts and all that.

Love you all like lots and lots of Jelly Tots

WeeGee xoxoxo

*You’ve seen Hot Fuzz, right?

Posted in Moving forwards

Not quite a normal post

Posted on by WeeGee

Since I last posted I have mostly been being back at work. After a VERY long time off…..

I think it’s fair to say that going back to work after the christmas break is tough for most people. For me it was only tough insofar as that I had to do sensible stuff like blow dry my hair, and put make-up on, and wear clothes that weren’t designed to be worn in bed. Apart from practical things like that WeeGee was completely and utterly DELIGHTED to go back to work because WeeGee was starting to miss her routine. And you know how WeeGee loves a spot of routine…….

Anyway – this is my second post of the new year and therefore the second post of Mission Blog 2014. It occurs to me that there are one or two things I need to take care of before I get back to regular blogging…. you know, like points of order, and the back story, and stuff like that.

The points of order section:

How do you eat an elephant?

I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve had a long hard think about the future of my blog. In some ways it didn’t feel fitting to carry on with it anymore and for a while there I thought about starting up again, somewhere new and anonymous. I’d shared my blog pretty widely, real people knew about it, and WeeGee wasn’t really WeeGee anymore. I wondered if I’d lost my hidey hole……

But I’m still here, and so is my blog because I decided that I’ve always viewed this as a journey, even in my very first post. I guess I’m just going to have to keep on going, on this journey, in this space. It wouldn’t make sense if I did it any other way……

How am I going to do this?

I’m not going to be blogging like I used to, you know, like hundreds of words every day. I can’t fit it in anymore because Real Life came along and intervened. The plan, as it stands, (and it might change) is to blog three times a week and to read blogs twice a week. I know it doesn’t sound like much but it’s all I’ve got….

New year, new blog.

Just a little word of warning, in case you’re in the habit of rambling around the various pages on my site….. For the next few weeks I’m going to be updating stuff so things might not be where you thought it would be – I’m hoping you’ll bear with me. If you’re not in the habit of rambling around the various pages on my site you can ignore this bit by the way.

The end of the points of order section.

The back story:

In some ways the back story is a straightforward, uncomplicated, as old as time, girl meets boy type of story. WeeGee met this guy, and fell head over heels, and it changed EVERYTHING. I suppose it sounds quite unremarkable when you put it like that. I mean what’s new? WeeGee meets a special person, and takes them to her heart, like she always does…….

The thing is, it is new, and it is remarkable because it isn’t really just girl meets boy – it’s WeeGee meets somebody she trusts; it’s WeeGee meets someone and thinks ‘he can bring as much to my life as I can bring to his’; it’s WeeGee meets someone and isn’t so preoccupied with the ending that she brings things to an end prematurely. I suppose what really happened was something good AND I’M LETTING IT HAPPEN.

Mr Awesome Thing Number Five has brought all kinds of things to my life and you know what, when I gave him his name I was spot on because he truly is awesome. He’s kind, and sweet, and patient, and he’s got these gorgeous dimples going on, and Gryff has decided he’s going to tolerate him, and he adores me. Which is just as well, because I adore him too.

I can’t really remember a time when I felt so much like myself, and in a large part, I have Mr Awesome Thing number five to thank for that. It’s not that he fixed me, or that he made me me again. It’s more that he helped me find that last little bit of confidence and strength I needed to get to where I needed to be.

I’m well aware that everything is sounding a bit peachy, and I don’t really mean to paint it that way. It took me a long time to find trust, and to make space, and to figure things out. Right now things are good but I know that I’m capable of trusting more deeply, and making more space, and figuring more stuff out. I think I’ve decided that I’m not one for resting on my laurels so as always it’s upwards and onwards for WeeGee…..

So there you have it: the points of order and the back story. I guess that means my next post will be a ‘normal’ post. Whatever on earth normal means anyway…….

Love you all lots like jelly tots xoxox

Posted in Moving forwards

One million and one reasons to be cheerful…..

Posted on by WeeGee

Good afternoon my lovely little chickadees. Is it okay to be so familiar? Do you even remember who I am?! It’s only WeeGee popping up to say ‘hello’ and let you know how I’ve been getting on. I hope you’ve all been keeping okay? I haven’t been hanging out on WordPress much these past few months so I’m afraid I’m way behind on all the news and gossip. A quick glance down my reader suggests that a lot has changed, but I’m pleased to see so many familiar faces and can’t wait to spend some time catching up on what’s been going on.

At this point it would be polite* to welcome all my new readers. I can’t believe how many of you have found my blog since I last logged in! Anyway you are all very welcome indeed. I hope you come to enjoy the weird and wonderful world of WeeGee – I’m really looking forward to getting to know you all a little better in the coming months.

I’m sorry my blog has been so quiet of late. There are all kinds of different reasons that things have been so sparse but I guess it would be fair to say that the biggest reason of all has been that things have changed. Of course when I say that things have changed it’s important to point out that things have very much changed for the better. More about that another day, but for now, I think it’s fair to say that I find myself having less time to blog and, to be honest, a little less to say for myself. I suppose also I’m less likely to turn to my blog when I do have things to get off my chest than I used to be. I’ve got other outlets now. That said, I miss blogging, and I miss my blogging buddies and so despite my long standing conviction that I don’t ‘do’ New Year’s resolutions I’ve decided to make myself a solemn little promise that my much neglected blog is going to be full to bursting in 2014!

For the most part broken brain is on best behaviour at the moment and I’m only a teeny tiny bit mental. To be honest I’m not entirely sure that anybody is going to be interested in what happens here in WeeGee land when those two rather novel circumstances collide but I thought I might as well give it a little go. How do you eat an elephant? will always be a blog about mental health but for now I think it’s going to be a blog about how I’m coping now the darkness and my wonky little brain have decided to leave me in peace for a while. In short it’s a blog about what happens when you survive the worst that your brain can throw at you, come out the other side, and discover what being alive is really all about.

It’s a long time since things have been extreme here in WeeGee land. I’ve been neither AWESOME nor contemplating jumping off a tall thing for what feels like an age. Sure, The Dreaded Jitters turn up every once in a while, I have days where I feel as bleak as bleak can be, and I have other days where things are all a bit bouncy and excitable. Things aren’t perfect, I’m still trying really hard to figure some stuff out, and there’s something fairly major on the horizon that really does have the potential for blowing my happy little bubble right out of the water. You know what though? Broken brain isn’t in the kind of place that it’s going to do any real damage and in spite of one or two grotty bits I have at least one million and one reasons to be cheerful. I’m content with that.

I think that’ll probably do for today. My blogging skills are a little rusty so I happen I’m going to ease myself back in to it……

I’ll see you all shortly.

Love you all lots and lots like Jelly Tots,

WeeGee xoxox

*Of course WeeGee is ALWAYS very polite

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Posted in Moving forwards

Remember me? WeeGee?

Posted on by WeeGee

I suppose you know it’s been WAY too long since your last blog post when the great and the good of the blogosphere start popping up all over the place to say “hey there WeeGee! Are you still there or did you go and fall off the end of the universe or something?”

I’m not entirely sure how it got to be quite so long since my last post. I’m conscious that it was a big post and that maybe, at least in a small part, I spooked myself a little when I realised quite how candid I’d been. Most people were nothing short of AWESOME about the whole ‘attention real world: I am a mental person’ thing but one or two weren’t quite so pleased which hurt a little. Then again, I guess all it goes to show is that you can’t please all of the people all of the time……

Anyhow – that’s all done with now and I’m back which means there’s only one thing for it: A Spectacular Update On All The Spectacular Things WeeGee Has Been Up To. Who’s in?

So. Is everything all spectacular here in WeeGee land? Well of course not, but that’s not the way the world works. On the other hand if you were to ask is WeeGee well, and taking care of herself, and still putting one foot in front of the other? Well hell yes, and then some. When you’re depressed I think you think that getting better is going to be the opposite of where you are, and that you’ll somehow start to leap out of bed in the morning full of hope, and optimism and HAPPINESS. The thing is that the normal brains don’t work like that, so why on earth would a getting better mental brain behave that way?

Life isn’t perfect, or perhaps more accurately, the way I interact with life isn’t perfect. I’m still pretty frightened, and overwhelmed, and likely to hide. But I’m out there, and I’m doing it anyway and if I’m honest it really doesn’t feel too bad most of the time. Do you know what? If this is as far as I’m ever going to get I’m going to take it and be content: it doesn’t feel too bad most of the time. I don’t suppose you can say much fairer than that.

Since last I blogged I’ve been having a real life. I’ve been finding my mojo at work, and working things out with Mr Friendly, and taking lots of photos, and cooking lots of food. I guess I’ve been doing what I said I was going to do: working out who WeeGee is now. Maybe that’s the headline – it isn’t perfect, but WeeGee finally has a real life and she likes it.

As always I saved the best for last. On the one hand I know that another person shouldn’t ever count as the best thing. But on the other hand that rule doesn’t account for Mr Awesome Thing Number Five* turning up. What can I say? That I don’t deserve him? That I can’t believe my luck? Or that maybe I’m going to take this too because it works (thus far) and that we’re happy (thus far) and can anyone spot anything else that matters? Thought not…..

Much in the same way as I didn’t mean to be unwell, I didn’t mean to get better. I kept on keeping on, doing all the right stuff, and hoping for the future. Where I’m at now just kinda happened, and that’s not miraculous. It’s just the way life ebbs and flows, and the way the brain behaves, and the way somehow, if you hold on tight enough you’ll always come out on the other side.

I love you all lots like jelly tots

WeeGee xxxxx

*if I’d known how things were going to turn out is have given him a shorter name.

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Posted in Moving forwards

And now for something completely different

Posted on by WeeGee

So, there I was, faffing about videoing myself just for the sheer hell of it (its amazing how easy it is to keep a WeeGee quiet) when I thought “I know, I’ll do a vlog!”

This is what resulted in ONE take only. Needless to say its a little bit rough around the edges but hey, here I am, and here’s what I’ve got to say:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=536881759699538

Sorry it lives on Facebook. I’ll move it over to Vimeo or something later but for now I just wanted to get it up before I change my mind.

Love you all like lots of jelly tots xxx