I’m not having a good day and I’m sorry I’m to be sharing this kind of post with you again but I need to talk to somebody and everybody is busy so you guys get the pleasure of a sobbing WeeGee.
I can’t believe what a difference a day can make – bouncing around laughing one day and filled full of nothing the next. I was supposed to bounce around for a while and then settle down nicely. Why does my brain never do what it’s supposed to?
Today I have mostly hated myself for the following reasons:
- I’ve been living on complan for two days now because my appetite disappeared when I was sick and every time I tried to eat something I got the ‘refeeding horrors’
- I think I disappointed somebody so much that they don’t like me anymore. This makes me sad because you know all that bouncing around trying to make people laugh I do? Well I mostly do that because I kind of need people to like me.
- I have come to the conclusion that I am far too mental to even think about getting to know people who didn’t know me before I was mental which puts a bit of a spanner in the all new WeeGee works
- Mum and dad couldn’t come to visit today because WeeGee was sick and WeeGee’s mum can’t be around sick people
- I answered the phone to Mr Friendly so that I could be reminded how utterly inadequate I am as a human being
To be honest I could write a much longer list of all the things I hate about myself but those are the main ones and I’ll leave it at that.
Right now I am sobbing. I’m sobbing for everything – for the last two years of my life, for all the things that will never happen, for all the emptiness there is to come.
…… And if somebody could tell a joke about now that would be just super because it feels like I might never laugh again.
I can’t send you any love today because there isn’t any of that in my heart