Category: About today

Posted in About today

Never laugh again

Posted on by WeeGee

I’m not having a good day and I’m sorry I’m to be sharing this kind of post with you again but I need to talk to somebody and everybody is busy so you guys get the pleasure of a sobbing WeeGee.

I can’t believe what a difference a day can make – bouncing around laughing one day and filled full of nothing the next. I was supposed to bounce around for a while and then settle down nicely. Why does my brain never do what it’s supposed to?

Today I have mostly hated myself for the following reasons:

  • I’ve been living on complan for two days now because my appetite disappeared when I was sick and every time I tried to eat something I got the ‘refeeding horrors’
  • I think I disappointed somebody so much that they don’t like me anymore. This makes me sad because you know all that bouncing around trying to make people laugh I do? Well I mostly do that because I kind of need people to like me.
  • I have come to the conclusion that I am far too mental to even think about getting to know people who didn’t know me before I was mental which puts a bit of a spanner in the all new WeeGee works
  • Mum and dad couldn’t come to visit today because WeeGee was sick and WeeGee’s mum can’t be around sick people
  • I answered the phone to Mr Friendly so that I could be reminded how  utterly inadequate I am as a human being

To be honest I could write a much longer list of all the things I hate about myself but those are the main ones and I’ll leave it at that.

Right now I am sobbing. I’m sobbing for everything – for the last two years of my life, for all the things that will never happen, for all the emptiness there is to come.

…… And if somebody could tell a joke about now that would be just super because it feels like I might never laugh again.

I can’t send you any love today because there isn’t any of that in my heart

WeeGee x

Posted in About today

How do you date twenty five people at once?

Posted on by WeeGee

It’s been a funny old day in WeeGee land today. I am still very poorly but I am also a bit bouncy and enthusiastic which is a strange combination because it makes you do silly things like wearing an outfit you bought to go to  a wedding to work and feeling a bit over dressed for the rest of the day…..

I didn’t fancy a re-run of yesterday’s adventures in not boring yourself to death when you are poorly at home so I decided I might as well go into the office to try and not bore myself to death there instead. It’s actually quite easy not to bore yourself to death in the office on a Friday when everybody is in a good mood and therefore more susceptible to join in when WeeGee bounces around being distracted and generally hilarious. Much fun was had in the office this afternoon and I kept forgetting I was poorly, which was nice. We also decided what’s going to happen next in Homeland* and which one of the IT Crowd is most likely to buy an ipad mini even though they’ve already got a pad, pod and phone and every other gadget going – the conclusion was Mr Hilarious, by the way and that is exactly why Mr Hilarious is my best friend in the world bar none.

What next? Oh I know….. I had a particularly amusing search engine term yesterday which I thought I’d share: “how do you date 25 people at once?”. In the off chance that person comes back to my blog in an attempt to find the answer I’m going to point it out to them: YOU DON’T. THE END. Whilst we are on the subject of online dating here are my top tips for the day:

  • It is never, ever, socially acceptable (not even on the Interweb) to say the following to a stranger ‘hey there WeeGee can you tell me how fab your tits are?**’
  • If you’ve never met me and you call me ‘darling’ I will take an instant and irretrievable dislike to you***
  • If a guy sends you his number and the only thing you can think of to store it as is ‘Nick the perv’ you definitely don’t want to store it

I think that’s about it from an online dating point of view – although I should point out that I met a magician recently. As in a real life actual person who goes to work as a Magician every day. How cool is that?

Now for a small serious section

I’ve been having a few little worries to myself recently – not the big “I’m so worried I’m going to jump off something tall so I don’t have to worry anymore” kind of worry, but you know what I’m like with worrying so I thought it was the kind of thing I should talk through with Mrs Mountain. Mrs Mountain reliably informed me that most of the things I am worrying about are the things that NORMAL PEOPLE worry about anyway. Which was nice. She also pointed out that if you’ve spent two years wanting to climb up a tall thing just so you can jump off it it’s natural to be a little frightened by the thought you might actually like to climb up a tall thing just for the sheer hell of it – and that made a lot of sense to me.

We also did a bit of boundary checking today what with boundaries being one of the things I’ve been having a little worry about. My usual problem with boundaries is setting them too narrow so that nobody can get anywhere near me – I know about narrow boundaries and how to sort that out. What I don’t know about is boundaries that are too wide, and I suppose I was worried that the current attack of the bouncy and enthusiastics might have set my boundaries too widely and was giving too much of myself away. Anyway, we came to the conclusion that probably isn’t the case because I’m not ending up anywhere I feel uncomfortable and also because I know that I get to set my own boundaries and that’s the end of that.

The end of the small serious section

Meanwhile in other news I will shortly be going home to be poorly which sucks because everybody else in the whole entire world is going out to eat, drink and be merry and I’m quite bouncy so I’d like to do a bit of that too. Instead I am going home to eat healthy red, green and brown stuff, and then cuddle up with Gryff and watch Have I Got News For You. Rock and roll. Nothing else to report today save that…. Did I mention I am poorly?

Lots of love and awesome things from WeeGee Still McSickNote xxx

*If what we’ve decided is going to happen doesn’t happen I am going to be VERY DISAPPOINTED

**Because everybody knows that the correct terminology when addressing a lady such as myself is ‘breasts’. That is A Joke, by the way

***Most other affectionate pet names are acceptable apart from maybe sweet cheeks, I’m not keen on that

Posted in About today

Ignore me – I’m a lunatic

Posted on by WeeGee

You know my last post? Well you can ignore that one already because broken brain isn’t getting away with that one. I liked my little hope and I’m keeping it whether the brain likes it or not.

The very lovely Ellie AKA the Anxious Elephant nominated me for the ‘very inspiring blogger award’ which was good of her not least because her blog is awesome. I’ve had that one before* so I’m not going to re-accept but I thought I’d half take part by telling you seven things about myself . That’ll be good fun eh?

Seven things that WeeGee did today

1. WeeGee realised she was having the annual swollen tonsils event and thought ‘what a pain in the backside that is’.

2. WeeGee got all bundled up in her new hat to go to the doctors but soon realised she didn’t need her new hat because it wasn’t actually that cold and she was too hot to start with anyway. This is me in my new hat** which I share with you because it’s new and I haven’t had any compliments yet. Yes. That was a hint.

3. WeeGee finally got to the end of The Thick of It and realised that Mr Friendly was right when he said it peaked at episode five. Which annoyed her because now she can’t have an argument about it with him.

4. WeeGee spent the afternoon trying to complete her mission to read the whole of the Internet. She hasn’t quite managed it yet but her preliminary review is that some of it is good but most of it is RUBBISH

5. WeeGee spent a lot of time wondering how she hadn’t discovered Good Old War on spotify before because they are AWESOME

6. WeeGee had a little bit of a wobbly boohoo moment but was okay in the end

7. WeeGee decided that she was going into work tomorrow even if she dies in the night because being poorly at home is BORING

Told you it’d be fun 😀

Lots of love from WeeGee McSickNote xxxxx

*I must be very inspiring or somefink!

**I’m not actually smiling – that’s my ‘I’m very poorly’ brave face

Posted in About today

Why must I do this to myself?

Posted on by WeeGee

I apologise in advance for this one. I’m afraid it isn’t very cheery. Today I am sad. Actually, I’m not only sad, I feel like somebody tuned out all the lights again….

It started, I guess when I was listening to this song*

And I was having a nice little hope to myself – thinking ‘please, please let me get what I want’ when it hit me. What if I can’t cope with not getting what I think I might want? What if I end up all devastated and bereft and the flat and empties return to torment me for another million years?

So I started to think about doing what WeeGee does when confronted with such situations – I decided hiding was the only option. Instead of waiting to find out if I might get what I want for once in my life I’ll decide I don’t want it. I’ll spend my time forgetting about my little hope and I’ll never find out what might have happened and I’ll head off something bad happening by making sure that nothing good happens.

Why must I do this to myself?

 

*Golden rule of recovery? Don’t listen to the Smiths when you are poorly and sad

Posted in About today

Decisions, decisions

Posted on by WeeGee

I’m feeling a little bit bouncy and enthusiastic today – I don’t mind bouncy and enthusiastic but I’m not sure that Mr Clever would like it so I’ve decided not to make any decisions* today. That way I can be absolutely certain I’m not accidentally doing anything ‘reckless’. How’s that for a bit of insight?!

There was a small moment of panic in WeeGee land when I put on my (much loved) shiny red belt and realised that I had gone up a notch. My brain didn’t like that much and thought ‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fat.’ I let the thought swim around for a moment and then I grabbed hold of that nasty little thought and I strangled it to death. If one notch on a tiny belt is the price I pay for healthy skin and hair, or for those small curves that make my clothes hang better, or for being in the middle of green on the chart, or for a brain that isn’t trying to kill me – I’ll take the notch gladly thank you very much.

Anyway – back to the bouncy and enthusiastic. As I said, I really rather like it** because a)I get a lot done b)I get a lot planned and c)I’m tired at the end of the day which helps with my sleep. My sleeping is still a little topsy turvey but whenever I mention it to the professionals they tell me not to worry and that sleep is often one of the last things to come back. That makes sense to me so I’m not worrying which in itself is a major achievement because you know what it’s like when someone tells you not to worry***

Meanwhile in other news Gryff and I had a comedy start to the morning when he caught the BIGGEST SPIDER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE and seemed to get a bit upset when he realised he had killed it. Which made me laugh. What didn’t make me laugh was having to dispose of said huge spider and then realising IT WASN’T ACTUALLY DEAD as it scuttled up my arm – cue much flapping and squealing, a spider flying across the room and a slightly baffled cat. Nothing else to report today save that I am getting my hair cut later on**** and I’m not even dreading it a little bit.

Shortish one from me today on account of the fact it was a longish one yesterday and that I’m writing it in my lunch hour

See you later alligators

Lots of love WeeGee – champion spider flinger xxx

 

 

 

*The obvious exception being the decision not to make any decisions

**Apart from the bouncing off the walls kind of enthusiastic. Which has been known and isn’t much fun….

***In case you aren’t prone to a spot of worrying – it’s a bit like when someone says ‘don’t look now’ and you HAVE to look

****It just occurred to me that getting your hair cut involves quite a big decision. Please, please don’t let me do anything reckless with my hair!

Posted in About today

A little letter

Posted on by WeeGee

Dear Conservatives (and especially Jeremy Hunt),

I am writing to respectfully request that you disappear off the face of the earth leaving some right minded people in charge instead. Further to this, I would be grateful if you could take Nick Clegg, Melanie Phillips and that awful Hitchens chap with you.

In the event that you are unwilling to comply with my request to disappear off the face of the earth I would like to apply to have my flat declared an independent state. Here in WeeGee Land I will be able to live out my days in peace and quiet free from your hateful policies and general vileness. I will of course continue to pay my taxes at the required level for the good of society, although I understand that this is more than can be said for the majority of you and yours.

Thank you in advance for your help with this matter. I look forward to you disappearing in due course.

Kind regards

WeeGee, Right Honourable President of WeeGee Land.

Posted in About today

A little pointless ramble with WeeGee

Posted on by WeeGee

I’ve been in a thoughtful mood today, so instead of doing a standard beginning, middle and end kind of post I’ve decided to do a ramble around WeeGee’s head kind of post instead. Don’t worry though, I promises not to ramble us into any of the dark hell hole corners…..

I’ll start with a status update on my head injury because when you have an injury it is important to talk about it ALL THE TIME to ensure maximum sympathy from those around you.

The swelling has mostly gone down although there is still a slight puffiness hanging around if you look closely* The black eye is at the attractive yellowish purple stage which is upsetting because it looks like I have either a) a dirty face or b) very badly applied eye makeup. These things are upsetting because the WeeGee is an incredibly clean and well groomed creature in the wild. Finally the full extent of the cut has become apparent. The full extent is that it isn’t so much a cut as a small hole in my head. I’m surprised you can’t see bone: that’s how brutal it is.

Did I get any sympathy yet?

The only other consequence of my injury is that I can’t wink. I guess we just have to hope that I don’t meet the man of my dreams before it heals up because as far as chatting people up goes I don’t have much more than my sexy and alluring wink….

Writing that made me think about chat up lines (I told you this was going to be a ramble around my head). I don’t think I’ve ever used one myself but I’ve had a few used on me in my time. Here are some of my favourites:

  • Drunk Neanderthal man in a nightclub: ‘…..do you like Oasis’. Me ‘No I prefer Blur’**
  • Drunk man in pub: ‘What would you do if I kissed you right now?’ Me: ‘I’d probably poke you in the eye’***. Drunk man in pub: ‘I won’t bother then’****
  • Lovely guy with a learning difference at work: ‘My dad says I should get married to someone my own age’. Me: ‘He’s probably right’ Lovely guy with a learning difference at work: ‘I’m 44. How old are you?’

As you can probably tell, I’m not very good at getting chatted up……

Do you know what – I’ve never really been on a date in my life. Not in the formal sense of the word anyway. I’ve always either been a) in a relationship or b) too mental to go on a date. Technically speaking I don’t think I’m too mental to go on a date at the moment – it’s just that I’d rather stick needles in my eye than spend an evening making small talk with a stranger.

I made a nice vegetable tagine for dinner this evening. That isn’t very interesting but it did make me realise that although I would instinctively say that I don’t like tomatoes it isn’t actually true: what I don’t like is RAW tomatoes. Cooked tomatoes are actually up there in my favourites. It’s funny how the brain works, isn’t it. That isn’t very interesting either, is it?

Anyhoo. I think I’ve rambled around in a pointless fashion enough for now. I’ve done this rambling, by the way, because I don’t much feel like talking about the thing that is at the front of my mind today. I’m not hiding anymore but I’m in no mood for talking about what’s really going on.

Meanwhile in other news I have decided to postpone my Homeland viewing until Sunday so I can be at the same point as the rest of the UK. Nothing else to report today save that I was rather amused by the GROWN WOMAN who waved a leek in my face in the seven-eleven and asked ‘is this parsley’? ‘No, it isn’t’, I said. Because what else can you say?

Tatty bye folks

Lots of love WeeGee xxx

*Not that anyone is likely to look THAT closely

**Which wasn’t strictly true but it did the trick

***Regular readers will have predicted my action

****He lost extra marks for his woeful lack of persistence, by the way.

Posted in About today

Moaning Minnie

Posted on by WeeGee

Today it feels like the sky has fallen in. Sometimes that just happens doesn’t it? There you are, rumbling along quite nicely when Boom! It’s all dread, and regret and sadness and boo bloody hoo again.

There was only one thing that I wanted to do today and that was hide. I didn’t want to see anybody, or talk to anybody and I especially didn’t want to spend three hours of my afternoon meeting with 8 gigantic arseholes who were all a little too fond of the sound of their own voices.

Still – you don’t always get what you want. In fact, sometimes what you get is the exact opposite of what you wanted and the only thing you can do is suck it up.

What is it with people in meetings? I have a (very sensible) rule in meetings that goes something like this: If I don’t have anything to say I won’t actually say anything. As an additional rule if I agree with what someone says I simply say “I agree” instead of repackaging the exact same thing in my own arse-holey words. If everyone were to adopt these rules I would spend considerably less of my time in meetings. AND SO WOULD EVERYONE ELSE.

Whilst I’m on a little roll I’m going to have a moan about ‘pre-meetings’. That’s a meeting you have to discuss what you’re going to talk about at the meeting because apparently, that’s the best use of everybody’s time. Unbelievably there’s a new thing creeping in which is the ‘pre, pre-meeting’. This is where you discuss what you are going to talk about in the pre meeting so that you know what you are going to talk about in the meeting-before-the-meeting.

If we ever get to the stage of the pre, pre, pre-meeting I expect I shall jump out of a window (I’ll tie the ridiculous amount of meeting related paperwork cluttering up my desk to my ankles just to make sure)

I’m a little bit tired and a little bit grumpy today as well as a bit boo hoo. Can you tell?

Anyway. I’m home now so I should be able to fit in a good few hours of hiding. Which is nice. I’m supposed to be cooking some complicated Thai salmon/coconut thing but I’m not sure I’ve got the energy for something quite so adventurous. I might do my variation on Jamie Oliver’s Thirty Minute Meals instead. It doesn’t take as long as thirty minutes actually:

Toast bread/Heat Beans/Add Cheese. Done*.

Meanwhile in other news I’m trying to decide whether I want to watch Homeland online or wait until next week when it’s on in the UK anyway. Nothing else to report today save….. No. There really isn’t anything else to report today.

Lots of love from WeeGee

 

 

*I suppose it should’ve been ‘pukka’ what with ‘done’ being Gordon Ramsay’s catchphrase and all. But if I’d said pukka I would have had to poke myself in the eye and I’ve got enough face related injuries for the time being.

Posted in About today

It’s not unusual…

Posted on by WeeGee

Fear not – this post has absolutely nothing to do with Tom Jones – that kind of thing really isn’t my bag. That said I’ve gone and thought it now and so have you. Sorry about that.

Here’s a little piece of advice for you: no matter how much practical and logistical sense lining up all of your white coat appointments in one day seems to make – DON’T DO IT. It turns out that there’s only so much poking and prodding around a broken brain can take in one day before…. well, before it decides to break.

I got back today feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and completely indignant about why this is happening to me. How bloody very dare this happen over and over and over again. Not just that, how bloody very dare some idiot in a bow tie tell me that I’m not doing as well as I think I am because I’m probably deluded. ‘Delusional’. There’s a new one, eh?

Hands up! I’ve been doing well for a little while because I’ve been ignoring some stuff for a little while. You know the kind of stuff – stuff I did, stuff that happened, stuff that lives in my head. So what? Ignoring stuff is enough to get me through the day. Ignoring stuff is enough for a few little hopes to think about taking root. Ignoring stuff works.

I don’t think it’s unusual for people to ignore certain things – even the normal people probably do a spot of ignoring once in a while. I expect that’s WHAT MAKES THEM NORMAL. Apparently, ignoring things ‘doesn’t work in the long term’. It’s difficult for me to see that as much of a problem because my brain regularly takes me to places where making it through the next few minutes seems impossible. Most of the time the long term doesn’t get a look in.

I understand that repressing stuff isn’t a good idea – but what I’m trying to do at the moment is different. The thing is there isn’t an answer to the way I think and feel. Some things hurt – and facing it isn’t going to make it hurt any less. Ignoring it on the other hand, that works for me so what’s the big deal?

So anyway – that’s where I am today. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and a little bit baffled to boot. Oh. And I’ve still got a headache and my black eye is very impressive indeed.

Meanwhile in other news Dexter Season 7 is shaping up nicely so far (please don’t tell anyone I used illicit means to watch it – what with my job and all) and I’ve got chocolate cheesecake coming out of my ears. Nothing else to report today save that I was rather amused by the headline in today’s sun: “Megan teacher dumped by wife”. No shit, eh?

Lots of love from WeeGee xx

Posted in About today

Sore head

Posted on by WeeGee

 

I thought it was probably time for a little update. So here’s a little update….

I injured myself quite badly on Saturday morning. There I was, sleeping away, when I decided to semi-wake-up and smack my head off the corner of my bedside table. It was quite gruesome actually – I left skin behind on the furniture and gave myself a nice shiny black eye. What tremendous fun I have.

Any way several hours and a few stitches later I went out for dinner. You know, as in ME in the OUTSIDE WORLD for dinner WITH FRIENDS AND STUFF. Even though I had an injury (and a pretty bad headache). Go me……

So that was yesterday. It didn’t go according to plan and I reckon I’ll be able to add yet another impressive scar to the existing bus related scar on my face. WeeGee: ScarFace…..*

Today I have mostly spent my time being a domestic goddess. I cleaned the flat until it sparkled, made roast onion soup, pickled some shallots, made a rather lovely malted chocolate cheesecake, and roasted some chicken with garlic and thyme. One of these days I’m going to make some lucky bugger a fantastic wife.

I’ve several white coat type appointments coming up tomorrow. I’ve got the GP and the psychiatrist and FINALLY the psychologist for a spot of CBT. I’m also getting my hair cut. Add up all of those appointments and you have a nightmare-anxiety-i’d-rather-die-kinda-day on the horizon. Big Boooo. Oh and boo hoo.

Meanwhile in other news I am completely over excited about the return of Dexter TONIGHT. Nothing else to report save that my head still hurts and I wish that tomorrow was over and done with.

Night night lovely folks, WeeGee xxxx

 

 

 

*But MUCH  prettier than that makes me sound