I’ve been in a thoughtful mood today, so instead of doing a standard beginning, middle and end kind of post I’ve decided to do a ramble around WeeGee’s head kind of post instead. Don’t worry though, I promises not to ramble us into any of the dark hell hole corners…..
I’ll start with a status update on my head injury because when you have an injury it is important to talk about it ALL THE TIME to ensure maximum sympathy from those around you.
The swelling has mostly gone down although there is still a slight puffiness hanging around if you look closely* The black eye is at the attractive yellowish purple stage which is upsetting because it looks like I have either a) a dirty face or b) very badly applied eye makeup. These things are upsetting because the WeeGee is an incredibly clean and well groomed creature in the wild. Finally the full extent of the cut has become apparent. The full extent is that it isn’t so much a cut as a small hole in my head. I’m surprised you can’t see bone: that’s how brutal it is.
Did I get any sympathy yet?
The only other consequence of my injury is that I can’t wink. I guess we just have to hope that I don’t meet the man of my dreams before it heals up because as far as chatting people up goes I don’t have much more than my sexy and alluring wink….
Writing that made me think about chat up lines (I told you this was going to be a ramble around my head). I don’t think I’ve ever used one myself but I’ve had a few used on me in my time. Here are some of my favourites:
- Drunk Neanderthal man in a nightclub: ‘…..do you like Oasis’. Me ‘No I prefer Blur’**
- Drunk man in pub: ‘What would you do if I kissed you right now?’ Me: ‘I’d probably poke you in the eye’***. Drunk man in pub: ‘I won’t bother then’****
- Lovely guy with a learning difference at work: ‘My dad says I should get married to someone my own age’. Me: ‘He’s probably right’ Lovely guy with a learning difference at work: ‘I’m 44. How old are you?’
As you can probably tell, I’m not very good at getting chatted up……
Do you know what – I’ve never really been on a date in my life. Not in the formal sense of the word anyway. I’ve always either been a) in a relationship or b) too mental to go on a date. Technically speaking I don’t think I’m too mental to go on a date at the moment – it’s just that I’d rather stick needles in my eye than spend an evening making small talk with a stranger.
I made a nice vegetable tagine for dinner this evening. That isn’t very interesting but it did make me realise that although I would instinctively say that I don’t like tomatoes it isn’t actually true: what I don’t like is RAW tomatoes. Cooked tomatoes are actually up there in my favourites. It’s funny how the brain works, isn’t it. That isn’t very interesting either, is it?
Anyhoo. I think I’ve rambled around in a pointless fashion enough for now. I’ve done this rambling, by the way, because I don’t much feel like talking about the thing that is at the front of my mind today. I’m not hiding anymore but I’m in no mood for talking about what’s really going on.
Meanwhile in other news I have decided to postpone my Homeland viewing until Sunday so I can be at the same point as the rest of the UK. Nothing else to report today save that I was rather amused by the GROWN WOMAN who waved a leek in my face in the seven-eleven and asked ‘is this parsley’? ‘No, it isn’t’, I said. Because what else can you say?
Tatty bye folks
Lots of love WeeGee xxx
*Not that anyone is likely to look THAT closely
**Which wasn’t strictly true but it did the trick
***Regular readers will have predicted my action
****He lost extra marks for his woeful lack of persistence, by the way.