Fear not – this post has absolutely nothing to do with Tom Jones – that kind of thing really isn’t my bag. That said I’ve gone and thought it now and so have you. Sorry about that.
Here’s a little piece of advice for you: no matter how much practical and logistical sense lining up all of your white coat appointments in one day seems to make – DON’T DO IT. It turns out that there’s only so much poking and prodding around a broken brain can take in one day before…. well, before it decides to break.
I got back today feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and completely indignant about why this is happening to me. How bloody very dare this happen over and over and over again. Not just that, how bloody very dare some idiot in a bow tie tell me that I’m not doing as well as I think I am because I’m probably deluded. ‘Delusional’. There’s a new one, eh?
Hands up! I’ve been doing well for a little while because I’ve been ignoring some stuff for a little while. You know the kind of stuff – stuff I did, stuff that happened, stuff that lives in my head. So what? Ignoring stuff is enough to get me through the day. Ignoring stuff is enough for a few little hopes to think about taking root. Ignoring stuff works.
I don’t think it’s unusual for people to ignore certain things – even the normal people probably do a spot of ignoring once in a while. I expect that’s WHAT MAKES THEM NORMAL. Apparently, ignoring things ‘doesn’t work in the long term’. It’s difficult for me to see that as much of a problem because my brain regularly takes me to places where making it through the next few minutes seems impossible. Most of the time the long term doesn’t get a look in.
I understand that repressing stuff isn’t a good idea – but what I’m trying to do at the moment is different. The thing is there isn’t an answer to the way I think and feel. Some things hurt – and facing it isn’t going to make it hurt any less. Ignoring it on the other hand, that works for me so what’s the big deal?
So anyway – that’s where I am today. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and a little bit baffled to boot. Oh. And I’ve still got a headache and my black eye is very impressive indeed.
Meanwhile in other news Dexter Season 7 is shaping up nicely so far (please don’t tell anyone I used illicit means to watch it – what with my job and all) and I’ve got chocolate cheesecake coming out of my ears. Nothing else to report today save that I was rather amused by the headline in today’s sun: “Megan teacher dumped by wife”. No shit, eh?
Lots of love from WeeGee xx
How do you eat an elephant? 
The bow tie is worn to convince you that he knows special stuff…
I expect so. It’s a shame he doesn’t know special stuff about not looking like an idiot though.
How great is it that Dexter 7 has finally started!!!! Kat 🙂
It is too great for words. Although this is the first one that I haven’t watched as part of a boxset. Seven days is too long to wait for the next episode!
It is all very well for him to say that (in his bow tie… really??) but he isn’t the one that has to deal with the pain of the things he wants you to think about. Sometimes ignoring stuff, repressing it, dissociating it, whatever your method, is just something you have to do. And it is actually a blessing. If we couldn’t ignore the stuff that haunts us I dread to think what kind of neurotic/psychotic state we would be in. I say appreciate your ability to ignore stuff while it lasts. Sometimes things get too heavy to ignore and then perhaps you can start chipping away at it again. But everyone needs a break once in a while, right? I agree with the appointments all being in one day being a bit overwhelming. Hope your head stops spinning soon and a nice sleep tonight sorts it out a little bit. Love xx
Exactly – It’s fine for him and his stupid bow tie. Sometimes you need a break, and sometimes maybe you just have to accept that there isn’t an answer. Hope you’re okay pet?
Lots of love, WeeGee xx
In my experience, a big problem can explode your head if you try to deal with it all at once – 10% at a time makes sense, like not trying to clear an overcrowded attic in one go. So long as it’s not going off and starting to smell…. if there is something a bit whiffy, one needs to do that first, of course. Perhaps the bow tie is a bit short on life experience.
I agree – things are better in smaller chunks. I still think that some things don’t need dealing with, because there isn’t any good to be had. You just have to forget and move on…. Maybe I’m an ostrich 😀