Author: WeeGee

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

I am therefore I am: a conundrum

Posted on by WeeGee

WARNING: This post contains armchair philosophy and thoughts and ideas that might make your head explode or something.

Here’s a question for you: if you spend fifty percent of you time thinking that yesterday was better, and the other fifty percent thinking that tomorrow will be better – what does that make today? I think that’s my way of trying to understand time and existence. I’ve a feeling I’m biting off more than I can chew here, but I’m going to give it a go….

If you’ve ever had any kind of counselling or therapy ‘mindfulness’ will be a familiar concept to you. It seems that if you want to be normal rather than mental you have to keep your thoughts in the here and now: no past, no future, just the moment you’re in.

Mindfulness is something I struggle with in part because it’s only a few steps shy of meditation and meditation makes me giggle because it’s not the kind of thing I can take seriously. At all. Ever. The end.

Maybe I’m just too cynical for all this mindfulness stuff?

I’m also not entirely convinced that human beings can ever ‘exist’ in one moment alone. I understand the arguments, but I wonder whether we’re really wired that way. Everything that I am now is surely a culmination of everywhere I’ve ever been? Everything that I do now is surely a small contribution to who I’m going to be in the future. If all there is is now then who was I, and who will I be? Those things are important, no?

I suppose it comes down to what ‘existing’ is and whether you believe (is it a belief, I don’t know?) that the verb exist has a legitimate past and future tense. Existing isn’t just being alive. I’m sure about that because, for example, I’m sitting on a chair at the moment and the chair definitely exists and is definitely not alive* Some things ‘existed’ thousands of years ago but people argue that they only exist now in this moment. You are reading this in a different moment from the one I wrote it in. When does it exist?

I exist now and I’m fairly confident of that. And I know I existed yesterday because I can REMEMBER yesterday. That’s quite straightforward in a way, but tomorrow only ‘exists’ in so far as I can imagine it. Does that mean it exists or not…. I’ve never been to Madagascar but I know it exists, or does it – maybe it only exists in this moment if you are actually there? Do bears shit in the woods?

……. Dear oh dear. Is your head hurting yet?

I think I’ll have a nice musical interlude at this point to get my hurting head off the hook….. Here’s a (very) handsome man with a gruff and gravelly voice singing about tomorrow. It’s nice. It’ll make your head all better:

I got lost in existence for a while there. Sorry. But I think you have probably got the gist of the difficulty that I have with mindfulness?

The past matters to human beings. It forms a large part of our collective identity, and, I think of our individual identities too. The past is important and I don’t think you should wipe it away and I don’t think you really can – no matter how you train your brain. That’s why we have Armistice Day (as an example) because what people did in the past matters a great deal to who people are today, and for that matter, how they live today.

As for the future, I can’t imagine what humans would be without it. Would we ever have done anything? What happens to progress if there is no future? What happens to hope?

Living in the moment is all very well. But what if the moment you are in is terrible? I don’t really mean broken brain terrible (although that is quite terrible enough) but what if, for arguments sake you are being held in a Syrian jail and tortured within an inch of your life IN THIS MOMENT? I can’t see how you find happiness in that moment under those circumstances…..

I’m over thinking it aren’t I?

Here are my final thoughts on mindfulness…..

Google ‘mindfulness’ or ‘living in the moment’ or whatever variation on the theme you can think of and you’ll find people who have found ‘happiness’ by simply ‘living in the moment’. I think that’s fantastic for them, I really do, but what they never say is HOW they do it. Do they just wake up one morning and find themselves in the moment? If the only problem that I have is that I can’t live in the here and now, why can’t someone just give me a step by step guide to living in the here and now?

I don’t get it.

Finally – in my mind there is a very practical problem with ‘living in the moment’. Okay, so here I am today. I’m typing up a blog post and watching Olympic Volleyball. That’s all that matters because that’s now. It’s all I should be thinking about.

But here’s the thing. There isn’t a lot of food in my flat and one of my friends has a birthday coming up. That means I need to think about buying groceries and gifts and I will do both of those things in the future but I will plan for them now. If I stuck with the moment I’d just head out into the world to forage for food when I was hungry and I’d never get a gift to anyone in time. Sometimes you have to plan but if you ever say that to someone who is trying to teach you mindfulness they will say  ‘ah, but that’s different – it’s a different kind of thinking, a different thought process’.

To me, that says that mindfulness is an intuitive thing and I end up back at wondering where my step by step guide to mindfulness is because I quite clearly don’t get it. As usual.

What a long post to say nothing more than ‘I’m confused and I don’t get it’!!

Lots of love from a philosophical WeeGee xx

*Unless I have well and truly taken leave of my senses once and for all!

Posted in Little things that made me smile
Posted on by WeeGee

Everybody has seen this right? If not… why not? The Moose is da man. Check out his book 🙂

moose's avatarThe Depressed Moose

Seriously you guys have no idea how proud I am feeling this morning!

 

 

 

I am now a published author. It doesn’t matter that I’m a self published author what matters is that I started something AND finished it!

When you have depression being able to concentrate on anything is a big deal, let alone being able to get something finished but I have worked so hard the last few days and have a warm glow around me today!

The book is available on Amazon but you don’t need to have a kindle you can install the Kindle for pc app and read it from your desktop!

To all my friends who have supported me, new and old, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To the people who are not supportive I thank you from the heart of my bottom.

I am so excited I am literally…

View original post 8 more words

Posted in Poetry

Last one

Posted on by WeeGee

I’m not sad

 

Sad, I think, I could do.

 

Sad doesn’t crowd in during the threadbare hours

To chase you out of yourself,

It doesn’t turn out the lights

One by one.

 

Sad doesn’t steal everything you care about

And taunt you

Because you can’t find their whereabouts.

 

Sad isn’t a menace

Threatening to stay by your side

For eternity.

 

Sad doesn’t convince you to abandon all hope –

All love –

All laughter.

 

Sad doesn’t take your life away

Incrementally,

Until the only thing left to do

Is jump off the cliff edge it has led you to.

 

Sad is sad. It’s the opposite of happy.

Depression is depression. It’s the opposite of well.

 

 

 

©WeeGee 2012. All rights reserved.

 

Based on an original work published at https://weegeemcscot.wordpress.com/

 

Posted in Poetry

Poetry incoming

Posted on by WeeGee

 

I’m about to post some poems. I’m posting them more for the sake of posterity than for your reading enjoyment. I say that because they are mostly rubbish 🙂

Your Chair

I sit in your chair now – the one in the corner.

The one where you last sat

Every sullen loveless inch of you

Remains in your chair, now vacated.

I sit in your chair sending years

To an empty end

And I dedicate it all to you:

To your ruins

And your shabby comfort

And to your bloody chair.

©WeeGee 2012. All rights reserved.

 

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

The real damage

Posted on by WeeGee

Today didn’t get off to a good start: some idiot turned up outside my flat at 7:30am and started digging a massive hole in the road with a MASSIVE drill type thing. It woke me up (on my second to last day of annual leave) and Gryff didn’t like it so he went bat shit crazy and jumped on my head causing a small blood injury. It was tremendous fun.

I understand that the guy had a job to do. But why did he have to do it outside my window at SEVEN THIRTY IN THE MORNING on the second to last day of my annual leave. Plus what’s he digging a hole for anyway? In my experience these people tend to come along and dig a massive hole in the road. Then they come back a few days later and fill the massive hole back up again. It’s a stroke of genius if you think about it. I mean, you’re never going to be out of a job are you…..?

I’m still grumpy almost twelve hours later. Can you tell? Anyway, let’s move swiftly on.

I’ve had a busy little head today. There’s been the usual nonsense to contend with, because that stuff never really goes away and there’s been some pretty big stuff like time, and existence, and identity, and religion. That’s some pretty big stuff there, isn’t it? I don’t think I’m ready to write that post just yet!

The other thing that’s been on my mind is friendship.

And that’s what I’m going to write about today.

Here’s the thing. I don’t have many friends. I don’t say that in a boo hoo please feel all sorry for me kinda way. I say it as a simple fact. It doesn’t bother me because I think the few friends I have are as many as I can cope with without me going PROPER mental. And also because the few friends I have are special. They mean something to me.

Here are some of the reasons that I have a small circle of friends…. I’m shy. I’m quiet. I don’t trust people. It takes me ages to get used to people, but sometimes it doesn’t matter because on occasion I decide that I hate someone as soon as I meet them. There isn’t a reason for hating them, not really but that’s the way I feel. I’m told this is wrong. I call it a gut feeling. Who says gut feelings are bad?

Here are some more reasons: I don’t understand people. I don’t understand people’s feelings. I find it baffling when people don’t feel the same way as I do, or like the same things that I do. I don’t lack empathy (no need to panic!) I just don’t quite get it when it comes to other people.

Here is the final reason: I get attached to people. In fact, I get too attached to people. In my experience getting too attached to people is a sure fire way to get yourself hurt. There have been a number of times in my life when I’ve just let somebody disappear altogether because I sensed they were disappearing a little bit. Generally speaking, it’s all or nothing with me and all or nothing is a difficult thing to be friends with – it seems needy and clingy and selfish. Maybe it is. But in my defence it’s also incredibly loyal.

Still, ‘all or nothing’ hurts me because I let people go when I don’t need to let them go. If I could understand the middle ground I would have millions of friends. I don’t think I really want to have millions of friends because that would be a bit overwhelming but I do wish I could learn not to let people go in order to protect myself because once I get to a certain distance from it I realise that the real damage is in letting go completely, not losing a little bit. Does that make any sense what so ever?

Let’s have a Frank Turner song called ‘The real damage’ while we have a little think about it:

I’ve had a little think….. It makes sense, but then I would think that because I wrote it!

In some way ‘friendship’ is on my mind because of my birthday. My friends are busy people, not shitty people and that’s why it was such a quiet day. Plus I don’t care about my birthday and my friends were all aware of that fact. I know that. But then I went and got all worried that I was more attached to everyone I know that they were to me and I decided I was going to get hurt very badly and that I was ‘setting myself up for a fall’. I decided I shouldn’t care at all and that I didn’t need any friends EVER AGAIN. Everyone was excommunicated. WeeGee against the world….

But then I decided that was broken brain speaking and told myself over and over that it was going to be okay. It’s going to be okay, isn’t it?

My friends care about me – of course they do. Mr Friendly and Mr Hilarious and Mrs Sparkle all came through in the end. Mum and dad came through too and even my brother got his act together and sent a little text. You need to know my brother to understand what a big deal that is!

So it was all okay.

But then I thought about some of the people I’ve met on WordPress and how much I care about them. I mean genuinely care about. I thought wanted to meet everybody in real life because that would make it all better and then everything would be fine. And then I thought uh oh! You’re doing it again. You’re getting all attached and involved with people THAT YOU’VE NEVER EVEN MET and that is going to end in disaster one way or another. You’re going to get yourself hurt. So I decided that there was only one thing for it. I had to stop blogging IMMEDIATELY and forget about everyone I’d come across.

But then I decided that was broken brain speaking and told myself over and over that it was going to be okay. It’s going to be okay, isn’t it?

Starting my blog is one of the best things I’ve ever done in terms of managing my mental health. I thought blogging would give me an outlet, but what it actually brought was more support, reassurance and friendship than I could ever imagine. And it’s okay to care about people, isn’t it?

Since I started blogging I’ve met people that I genuinely care about: Sailors, and Bourbons, and lovely Brandics, and Mooses (is that the plural of Moose?) and Roxys and Potters and so, so many more – everyone, actually. And it’s okay to care. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing and you don’t need to meet the people you care about to make it all better. You just need to find comfort in the fact that they are out there, and that they ‘get’ you and they will support you and that you ‘get’ them and will support them right back. And that’s what it’s all about.

So it was all okay.

It turned into an Oscars speech in the end didn’t it? But it was a revelation to me….

Lots and LOTS of love from WeeGee (who has realised that it’s okay to care and that it’s probably going to be okay) xx

Posted in Little things that made me smile

Conclusive proof

Posted on by WeeGee

I met up with Mr Hilarious for a cup of tea this morning (don’t worry – it gets better)

We had a cup of tea and some cake and he gave me belated birthday present which turned out to be a Celtic mood ring which I LOVE (okay maybe it doesn’t get that much better)

Why am I telling you this? Well – the Celtic mood ring has provided conclusive proof that I am indeed an alien from the planet odd. Every time I put the ring on it goes purple. So what I hear you ask?

Here’s the thing: there is no purple on the ‘this is what the colour means’ chart that came with the ring. There’s blue, and there’s dark blue and although you could argue that purple is sort of blue it isn’t really is it? Purple’s purple and that’s the colour I turn the ring. Every single time, all of the time.

Maybe the ring will lead me back to the mother ship. Here’s hoping…..

Lots of extra terrestrial love from WeeGee xx

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

Olympian

Posted on by WeeGee

Don’t worry – this isn’t another one of my gushing posts about the Olympic Games. It’s a post about this song:

Or at least it’s a post about a couple of lines in this song:

“I wanted to be there with you / For I can only be normal with you / I’ve given my all for you”

Twice in my life I’ve managed to find another human being that I wanted to be with. Twice in my life I’ve managed to find another human being that made me feel ‘normal’. Twice in my life I’ve managed to lose the most special person on earth.

My conclusion to all this is that I must not be supposed to be with anybody and that certainly I’m not capable of being normal by myself. I don’t cut the mustard when it comes to all that belonging and normal stuff. You get what’s coming your way. What’s for you doesn’t go past you. If you get nothing and it all goes past you – that’s what was yours.

Everything I do is with reference to other people. That’s just the way my brain works and all the counselling and therapy in the world isn’t going to change that.

I am who I am.

I’m lost. I’m lonely. I’m mental. I’m not normal. This is what is mine. I wish I could make something matter, I really do.

Boo hoo. Woe is me. I hate myself and I want a pie.

Lots of mixed up miserable love (once more) from WeeGee xx

Posted in Copyright

Copyright: WeeGee’s top tips for bloggers

Posted on by WeeGee

I was all set to post another one of those ‘boo hoo, woe is me’ posts but I realised that would make three in a row and I didn’t want to inflict that on you. I wondered about picking up an outstanding award but having a brain full of the flat and empties makes it difficult to extract seven interesting things about yourself….

And then I thought ‘I know! I’ll make myself useful and write some top copyright tips for bloggers!’ Looking after copyright is quite a big part of my day job and I thought I may as well spread some of my otherwise useless knowledge around. I’ll probably bore you all to death because that’s what I do when it comes to copyright.

By the way, I only cover UK/EU copyright – having said that, if you live elsewhere the broad principles will be the same so this might still give you a useful starting point.

The really boring bit I have to say

This is just some friendly advice about copyright written for my fellow bloggers: it isn’t legal advice. Please don’t act in reliance of it and if you do, be aware that – to the full extent permitted by law – I accept no liability in respect of the information provided. If you need legal advice you should contact a solicitor*.

I should say that my job is what is referred to in the trade as para legal** and I therefore have no professional indemnity insurance. Oh, and I’m skint. I mention this so that you know it really isn’t worth suing me even if you think you’ve spotted a loop hole.

The boring bit about copyright in general

In short copyright provides legal protection for the products of human skill, creativity and intelligence. Ideas alone do not enjoy copyright protection; in the UK it is the original expression of an idea or information that is protected.

Copyright protects the following types of work:

  • Literary works (this includes the written word as well as the spoken word)
  • Dramatic works (a work capable of being performed before an audience such as a film script)
  • Musical works
  • Sound recordings
  • Artistic works
  • Films
  • Broadcasts

Provided that the work is:

  • Original – in other words, not copied. There must also have been some skill, labour or judgement used in the creation of the work
  • Fixed – recorded in a permanent, material form
  • Created by a qualifying person – a UK national or another person covered by international treaty

Copyright protection applies automatically upon creation: there is no need to register or claim copyright. The © is not a legal requirement but its use is customary in published works.

If you own copyright you have two sets of rights:

1. Economic rights give copyright owners the exclusive right to exploit their work for financial gain by:

  • Making copies of the work
  • Issuing (and lending) copies of the work to the public
  • Publishing the work
  • Adapting the work

2. Moral rights relate to the intellectual integrity of the work and help to ensure that:

  • The author or creator is recognised as such
  • An author or creator does not have works falsely attributed to them
  • A work is not subjected to derogatory treatment

You can assign and transfer (including by gift or by sale) economic rights but moral rights are non-transferrable.

That there is copyright in a little nutshell for you!

The boring bit about your copyright

How to get copyright protection for you blog

You don’t need to do a thing! Copyright is automatic, which means as soon as you write, draw or record something  the copyright subsisting*** in that work is yours. That’s the law. If you have a blog you own copyright. Congratulations!

Now you own copyright you get to decide what you want to do with it although the law does provide some scope for other people to use your work if their use of your work is considered to be ‘fair’. This means other people may copy insubstantial parts of your work for the purposes of:

  • Non commercial private study or research
  • Criticism or review of the work
  • Reporting current affairs

Insubstantial is generally understood to be five percent of an entire work – or five percent of your blog.

Also you can’t stop someone from copying any portion of your work if they are doing so to set or answer exam questions. You never know eh? An exam question on ‘how do you eat an elephant?’! You heard it here first!

Protecting your copyright

There a number of rather dubious organisations out there claiming that they can help you protect your copyright. Take it from me – they can’t. They’ll take your money and run.

For the most part, you can probably take care of your rights without paying anybody. Make it clear that you own copyright somewhere on your blog and ask people to contact you if they are unsure. If you spot someone taking the Michael write to them and ask if they wouldn’t mind stopping taking the Michael!

You need to keep it in perspective but if you think you’ve got a War and Peace on your hands it might be worth instructing a reputable solicitor (you can find one of those here)

How to make your readers aware of copyright

Sometimes people forget about copyright when it comes to the Internet – what with it being free and lawless and all – so it’s worth including the © symbol if you are worried about it. It might also be worth considering licensing your work via Creative Commons.

Licensing your blog

Creative Commons licensing is a good way to make sure that your readers are absolutely clear where you stand on the copyright subsisting in your blog. You can choose various options with three broad themes:

  • Lock down – no use, no adaptation, no nothing
  • Middle ground – use and adaptation with acknowledgement provided
    • the same terms are imposed on the copy/adaptation
    • You are accredited as the author
    • The copy/adaptation does not result in financial gain
    • Free for all – As the middle ground but allowing financial gain

When you’re choosing which licence to go with you need to maintain perspective. It’s tempting to go for the full lock down, but bear in mind there is likely to be a lot of traffic/publicity if you allow others to use your work if accredited. As with most things I think the middle ground is the best ground here!

Publishing material from your blog

Here’s a word of caution for you. If you are hoping to publish material from your blog with a commercial publisher, or entering it in to a competition you need to think long and hard about whether you want to include it on your blog at all.

Publishers and competition organisers often stipulate that submitted work has not been published elsewhere before and putting something on your blog counts as ‘published’.

The bit about other people’s copyright

If you want other people to respect your copyright a good place to start is by making sure you respect theirs. It’s that universal rule isn’t it? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you…..

Text

If you write a blog, I’m guessing you consider yourself to be a writer and will therefore know in your heart that it’s bad form to pinch another writers writing.

It’s best to avoid copying and pasting large chunks of websites, or other blogs into your posts – even if you give full accreditation to the source. From a legal viewpoint it’s far safer to include a link to the content that you want to highlight. That way, nobody is in any doubt as to where the content came from and you can avoid receiving nasty ‘take down and desist’ notices which will probably stress you out.

If you really have to repeat another person’s work verbatim you need to think about how risky it really is. For example, JD Salinger is known to protect his work very closely so it’s probably not a risk worth taking. Whatever you decide it is absolutely essential that you indicate the source of the work you are using.

Images

Again, it’s best to avoid including images unless you can be sure that the content is copyright free, or licensed under a creative commons licence that allows re-use. Using stock images is the safest way to achieve this.

Once again you have a risk assessment on your hands if you want to use a ‘random picture you found on the interweb’ – only you can decide. An acknowledgement won’t get you off the hook if it comes to it, but it won’t do any harm.

Music

Here’s my take on it. If you can find it on YouTube, it’s okay to include an embedded link. If it all goes wrong it’ll be YouTube that gets in trouble and all that will happen to you is that your link will stop working. But that’s just my take.

I wouldn’t advise using any content you got via a filesharing service on your blog (just using them is a bit dodgy by the way, you know that?) because that’s a sure fire way to get in trouble.

By the way, if you want to be super careful don’t include any music on your blog.

Films

My take on films (and television for that matter) is exactly the same as my take on music.

What if you get it wrong?

You’re on your own – I deny all knowledge!!

On a more serious note, if you do get it wrong you need to keep calm. If you receive a cease and desist notice about content on your blog just TAKE IT DOWN. Don’t argue or query it, just take it down. 9 times out of ten a copyright owner will be content with that. If they aren’t, you’re going to need a reputable solicitor.

The thing about copyright infringement is much the same as the thing about your own copyright. It’s all about perspective.

On the one hand copyright is a civil matter in the UK – provided you’re not involved with wholesale piracy (which is why file sharing content is a fairly rubbish idea by the way) the outcome of any legal cases will come down to the actual damage suffered by the copyright owner as offset by your financial worth. There’s not a lot of point in suing a skint person. It’s the golden rule of being a solicitor!

If, on the other hand, your actions are deemed to be piracy (or in any other way criminal in scope) you could be looking at a hefty fine and even a jail term. Piracy and crime is bad.

The only other point of note is that you need to be especially careful with other people’s copyright if your blog is in anyway commercial. It doesn’t matter whether you make any money or not – if you have adverts or any other form of revenue generation on your site the damages awarded against you would be inflated by this fact whether you could pay or not and your actions would be far more likely to be viewed as criminal.

That’s my two penneth worth. Hope it wasn’t as boring as all that!

Lots of love, WeeGee xx

*And pay a pretty penny for it

** The only difference between a para legal and a prper legal is the pay. But don’t feel sorry for the para legals because it’s the legals that get the blame when it all hits the fan

***Copyright always subsists rather that exists because it’s real but not tangible

Posted in About today

Ancient history

Posted on by WeeGee

I hate the past. Why can’t we just leave it behind? Why does what happened before have to matter to now? I loved history at school but I suppose that was because I was too young to have a history of my own then. I didn’t understand what the past was going to mean to me in the future.

Time again, eh? It makes your head explode.

This time two years ago I was happy. Truly – I was happy. Sure I had a broken brain but I was in charge – I was managing it and life was good. Then, one day it all changed. It really was as quick as that. One day I had one life and the next day I had another life. I never wanted the other life. I wasn’t built for it. You see this life that I have? I’m not supposed to be in it.

Let’s get rid of all that broken brain stuff. Broken brain is a big problem but, in the main scheme of things it’s the least of the things I have to worry about. The truth of it is, the biggest thing, and the rawest thing, and the thing that hurts the most is the fact that I am lonely.

I’m lonely because I’m alone. That stands to reason. I had a birthday the other day and do you know how many people I spoke to on my birthday? One. That’s one fellow human being – not just on any day, but on my birthday. By the way – I have two parents and one sibling. You can do the maths there, can’t you? I’m not a bad person. I’m not a horrible person. I’m just a frightened person. Or does being frightened make you bad and horrible? Is it another one of those rules that I don’t quite understand.

Where is everybody? Where are those people that I care so much for that it HURTS? Why do I care so much that it HURTS for people who aren’t even attached enough to drop me a line on my birthday? Why does any of this matter to me? If you tell people you don’t care about your birthday you shouldn’t be surprised that they don’t care either, should you?

What’s the matter with me?

I’m also lonely because my head seems to be different. It’s not that I think I’m special or unique – it’s just that my brain doesn’t seem to work like other peoples. Sometimes I say things and people look at me like I’m a freak or an alien or something. How do I always manage to get it so wrong? How did I end up being not real or proper? Am I really an alien from planet odd? Why can’t I be like everybody else?

Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m mental or just a bit of a weido… Either way, I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.

Am I feeling sorry for myself? You betcha! Do I have good reason? Who knows?

Love from WeeGee – all mixed up and lonely and overwhelmed xxx