Posted in About today

Panic on the streets of London*

You know that worrying thing I sometimes do? Well it started to edge towards sheer, blind panic this afternoon and in the end Mrs Sparkle had to say for [really bad swear word] sake’s WeeGee – I’m coming over to keep you company before you panic yourself to death or something  and in the meantime can you please not panic and cancel your date?

To be fair I haven’t been panicking all day – in fact I have spent most of the day feeling perfectly content being by myself keeping myself company. Which is nice. I had a little wander along the river to Kingston and enjoyed thinking how much nicer the river is when you’re not thinking about jumping into it. I also started to realise that I am becoming increasingly irritated by grown women wearing those stupid hats with ears and a face on them. I know it’s supposed to be sweet and endearing, but it isn’t. It looks slightly ridiculous**

I rambled quite happily around the shops in Kingston.*** The thing about both living and working in a place is that if you go out at the weekend you bump into loads of people you work with. Sometimes it’s a bit irritating, but today I had a FAB time saying hey to all the work people including ‘Mrs I’ve no idea what your name is or what you do but I’m going to say hey anyway because I vaguely recognise you from work’. It was the first time in a long time, perhaps even ever, that I thought to myself ‘well this is nice – I belong here’

The panicking started growing when I got back when I realised it was nearly Saturday night which meant it was nearly Sunday morning which meant I was nearly going to meet Mr Smiley IN THE REAL WORLD. I’d love to do one of my little lists of all the things I’ve been panicking about but there is simply not enough space in the blogosphere for that….

Anyway, Mrs sparkle is here now**** which is good because a) every time I panic she says ‘don’t panic’ b) she brought chocolate and c) she has volunteered to be in charge of making the tea. It is bad because she is a) FORCING me to watch X Factor***** b) insisting on reading out a load of POINTLESS horoscope compatibility things and c) not actually that good at making the tea.

Meanwhile in other news we still can’t make up our minds between the plain black dress, the one with flowers on it or the one with birds on it. Nothing else to report save that although I am a little panicky it’s actually quite a good panicky

Lots of panicky but not in a bad way love from WeeGee xxxxxx

PS – wish me luck

*I thought a Smiths song as a title would make up for the Elton John one I did earlier in the week. Am I all cool again?

**Of course, if you own such a hat it doesn’t look ridiculous on you. It’s just all the other people who look ridiculous

***Resisting the strong urge to sort people’s poppies out for them. How can you not know that a poppy goes on the left hand side with the leaf pointing to 11 o’clock? How can WeeGee resist so many OCD tendencies?

****It might sound rude to be blogging when I’ve got company, but in my defence Mrs Sparkle is currently using up my Internet to stalk people on Facebook and poke them and fling sheep at them and stuff. Or whatever it is the kids do on facebook nowadays

*****I’ve just watched four small boy children singing about fixing people and I’d quite like to puke now if it’s all the same to you

Posted in Recovery?

What went so horribly right?!

SERIOUS POST ALERT. This post contains not one single hilarious joke. You have been warned….

It’s funny the way things change isn’t it? I’ve written so many posts trying to figure out what went so badly wrong after one of my ‘bit of a disasters’ and now I find myself writing in an attempt to work out what went right.  So – what did go right? The answer really surprised me and I think it’s going to surprise you too – because the answer is I did. Yep, that’s right, WeeGee finally worked out how to get it right and then went straight ahead and did it. How about that then?

Some people think that those experiencing mental health difficulties are ill, and others are of the opinion that they aren’t. For my own part, I lean heavily towards the illness theory if for no other reason than that sufferers can’t stop themselves from experiencing the difficulties in the first place. At the same time, I am of the firm opinion that mental health difficulties are not exactly the same as physical illnesses – primarily because when you become physically ill you are reliant on science, medicine and other people in order to get better; when you are mental you are reliant on yourself to get better –  if you want to recover you have to hunker down and make sure you recover. Sure you might need a bit of science and medicine and you are DEFINITELY going to need other people but none of those things can fix you. The problem is in your head, and in your thoughts and ultimately you are the only person who can fix it. This by the way is the most valuable thing I have learned in the last two years.

Here are just a few of the other valuable lessons I have learned:

·         The only way to deal with a bereavement is to let yourself grieve until you are ready to stop

·         There is only one place for the past and that is in the past which is not the same thing as saying memories don’t matter

·         If you let somebody hold you together you will fall apart when they stop being there to hold you together

·         Forgiving someone isn’t the same as accepting what they did was okay

·         Sometimes you have to stop just so that you can start again

·         Letting go isn’t the same as not caring

·         Keep on keeping on, because eventually you start keeping on without even realising you are doing it

·         I can write a whole blog post without saying something daft*

I leave you with one of Mr Wise’s favourite sayings which goes ‘You can’t change your circumstances until you change the way you feel about them’ It’s taken me 33 years to figure out how very wise that actually is and I don’t plan on forgetting it any time soon

Lot and lots of love (and please can you all keep keeping on) from WeeGee xxxxxxxx

*Actually I can’t. Here’s a little story for you: So – I’m at work, everybody is in this afternoon so the office is pretty packed and very quiet. And I go to leave the room, and my dear friend Mr Hilarious shouts the following across the room “WEEGEE! ARE YOU GOING TO THE TOILET** which I was, so then everybody knew I was going to the toilet*** and then when I was coming back from the toilet a small boy child**** said “Okay, now I’m confused – you walked up there and then you just came back again” And then I had to tell him I had been to the toilet as well…..

**I still don’t know why he needed to know

***I did of course enquire as to whether anyone wanted me to do one for them while I was there because I’m hilarious like that

**** I don’t know what the small boy child was doing there either

Over and out xoxoxox

Posted in Moving forwards

Bumps in the road

I thought I’d start today with a huge, massive and very public thank you to one of my very favourite blogging buddies who did an awesome job of helping me get myself pointed in the right direction again last night. I love the fact that I can have a shocker of a day and someone who I have never met will pop up and say ‘Hey WeeGee here are loads of hugs and let’s have a little chat about what’s going on and see if we can’t figure it out’ And then we have a little chat and pretty much figure it out. The Internet is AWESOME and so is Bourbon who writes a brilliant blog and is mental health blogging royalty in my book….. Love you loads, Bourbon xxxx

As far as yesterday is concerned here is what I have to say: Dear Yesterday, I’m glad you’re over with because you were rubbish. Please can you never darken my door again? Lots of love, WeeGee

Today I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what went so badly wrong yesterday. Here’s what I’ve figured out so far:

  • I was tired, under nourished and poorly
  • I was disappointed that I couldn’t see my parents especially because it was my fault because I was unwell
  • I was looking forward to seeing my parents because I was all better and enthusiastic and I wanted them to know they had their daughter back after everything she had put them through
  • I was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed by online dating
  • As to whether I had disappointed anyone – it occurred that other people’s feelings were nothing to do with me and things always turn out of the best in the end
  • All of those things made me vulnerable and I’m not very good at being vulnerable

When I got up this morning I decided that I wasn’t going to talk to anybody that I didn’t want to. I think I’ve been being a bit too polite about talking to people recently. I think the point I’m making that Mr I’m Very Probably Normal is all well and good but Mr I’m Very Probably Awesome is where I’d rather spend my time. There aren’t very many of them at all, so it isn’t overwhelming and all is well again.

I spent most of today doing AWESOME things like running all the way to Hampton court and then realising I had to run all the way back as well because I’d missed the river boat and there were no trains and then spending a few pretty perfect hours teaching Little Miss Hilarious how to make pom poms* Little Miss Hilarious is awesome because a) she dishes out the best cuddles in the world, b) she takes learning how to make pom poms so seriously that she asks her daddy to write down all the steps for her so she doesn’t forget and c) she gets to the end of her visit and says ‘why are you wearing that outfit? Which was hilarious because I was indeed in strange attire** but adults would be too polite to mention it and what’s wrong with a bit of honesty

As for this evening I shall be watching strictly come dancing. I hope that you thought I am far too cool for that kind of thing and you’d be absolutely right because I only watch it in an ironic way…..

The headline today is that yesterday was little more than a bump in road and I’m back on track again now thank you very much

Huge massive hugs and loads of love to make up for yesterday WeeGee xxxxx

*I think that Mr and Mrs Hilarious could have figured out how to do this themselves and the visit was purely to make sure I wasn’t totally mental. Which is cool

**In my defence, I wasn’t expecting company

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

How to eat an elephant

As far as I can tell blogging has rather a lot in common with eating Pringles: once you pop you just can’t stop….. This is just a quick one though, because I don’t have a whole lot to say for myself – in fact I only have two things to share with you today and they’re both a little sentimental (such is my way)

Sentimental thing number one:

I was genuinely touched by the messages of encouragement I received in response to my last post. All the warmth and positivity really meant a lot to me, not least because the people who read my blog know and understand exactly where I’ve been and how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am. So – thank you for all the kind comments, not just yesterday but ever since I started blogging almost six months ago. I had no idea what a lovely little community I was stumbling into when I hit ‘publish’ for the first time. All I can say is I’m glad that I did because you guys are awesomely awesome.

Sentimental thing number two:

Over the last two years I’ve learned an awful lot of important lessons but I really wanted to share this one with you – it can and does get better. It might not get better forever and you’ll never know when you’re going to have to fight your way out of it again, but you will fight it and you will get out. Keep doing all the right things even when it seems to be making no difference at all. Eventually all those things come together and you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In short? Keep on keeping on.

Turns out it is possible to eat an elephant after all. You just have to do it bite by bite (and keep your nerve when it gets really tough)

Much love to you all, WeeGee xx

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

Where I’m at

I’ve not been very regular about blogging recently. I suppose I’ve been ‘otherwise engaged’ which is no bad thing. I’m also so woefully behind with my reading that I fear I will never catch up and so, for the sake of my sanity I’ve decided that I’m going back as far as I can tonight and then I have to draw a line under it all and start again. Sorry, sorry and triple sorry….. I hope I don’t miss anything major.

The first thing to tell you is that things are really starting to look up in WeeGee Land. But fear not! I don’t feel reckless or invincible or hyper – I guess the best way I can think of to describe where I’m at right now is to say that I feel capable and okay and both things feel sustainable in the immediate term. That’s quite good, no?

I spent most of last week readjusting my routines. I need to have routines, but the old ones were all designed with the purpose of keeping my broken brain in check. The all new routine regime keeps most of that stuff (I don’t want to get too complacent) but also builds in a bit of WeeGee enjoying herself just for the sake of it. Which is new. And nice.

Last night I phoned everybody I know* and got dates in the diary for catch ups because it’s time for the WeeGee to act on what she has always known – there’s a big wide world out there that is worth being part of. You can’t hide forever. Well – technically you can but it’s not a good idea.

I must confess that I’ve had a little think about the future of my blog. I’m kind of mid think at the moment. I know that I’m definitely not going to give up blogging but I feel like I need to work out some of the nuts and bolts stuff. I also feel like I need to keep an eye on how blog reading affects me. ‘Triggering’ isn’t really a word I would use, but I do think I need to be aware of myself and my moods – the last thing I want to happen is for me to use the blogs I read to give me ‘permission’ to go back to the worst of me. I hope that makes sense? I care a great deal about my blogging buddies, but I’m in a new place now and know that I need to care about myself first. Now I feel like I might be a shitty person even though I know I’m not.

So anyway – now I’ve done a bit of an update and a bit of an apology and a bit of thinking out loud**. Time for a spot of nice safe blog reading……

Lots of love WeeGee xxx

*With one notable and deliberate exception, but that’s a different story entirely

**Well not exactly ‘out loud’ but you know what I mean

Posted in Thirty days of truth

My old friend

I suppose I should do a ‘thirty days of truth’ post. After all, what’s the point of saying you’re going to do something and then not actually doing it….?

Day number nine came out of the envelope today which is:

Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted

A lot of people have drifted in and out of my life – it’s par for the course isn’t it? People come, people go and it’s only the people that matter who stay…. for the most part, anyway.

I have to confess to having a bit of a habit of letting people vanish out of my life. If I get the sense someone is going to leave me then I tend to get in there first and cut all ties. It does me no good, and I’m trying to work on it, but I can’t help but wonder if that’s just the way I’m built.

Anyway – I’m rambling around the question here, aren’t I?

In 2003 I was studying for my masters degree and working part time in a University library. It was the best crap job I ever had because a) I worked evenings when there was no-one around and I pretty much wrote my whole dissertation whilst at work and b) I met Katie P.

Katie P and I had an awful lot in common – values, beliefs, fears and a passion for fiction. She was training to be a teacher at the time so also did a lot of studying at work, but when we weren’t studying we whiled away the hours chatting, swapping books and on occasion having those nice safe arguments you can have with someone who although on your wavelength has a slight difference of opinion.

There was also an awful lot that Katie P and I didn’t have in common, and in some ways, that was the reason that the friendship became so precious to me. We came from completely different backgrounds and her upbringing and experiences were a far cry from the comparatively privileged life I had lived. I guess it hadn’t occurred to me how many opportunities I’d had in life until I met Katie P – I’d been too busy focusing on the bad.

Anyway – we were like two peas in a pod for the year we worked together. We spent our free time together as well as our time at work, and at the time, I couldn’t have imagined my life without her friendship in it. During the time we knew one another we both experienced some dark days and we each carried the other through them – it seemed to me that I had found a friend for life.

And then I moved to London.

We kept in touch for a long time – speaking on the phone and regular visits. But in time the phone calls dropped off and the visits fewer and further between. That’s what distance does I guess. Katie P and I exchange a few text messages a year now. Which is sad.

I miss Katie P, but, at the same time, I suspect it was one of those friendships that was there for a while and was never meant to last. Me moving away just speeded up the process but it doesn’t take away the happy times we shared whiling away a year doing the best crap job in the world…

The end.

Love from WeeGee xx

Posted in Thirty days of truth

Day one (or day 18 depending on your take on things): WeeGee writes about gay marriage and hopes nobody gets all upset about it.

Okay, so I’ve got some time to kill*and nothing much to say for myself so I pulled a number out of the thirty days of truth hat**

The number I picked was number 18 which is proof positive that you should never, ever, put your trust in random selections. Random selections mean that you end up with one of the most difficult things to start with – at least as far as thirty days of truth is concerned…..

Day 18 is ‘your thoughts on gay marriage’

My views on gay marriage are straightforward and can be summarised thusly: ‘so what?’ Sadly, some people who aren’t gay get all upset about gay marriage and think that it’s a good idea to make sure that people of the same sex can’t get married to each other.

I can’t quite understand why it matters so much who complete strangers get married to. Who complete strangers get married to is of no consequence to anyone apart from the complete strangers, surely? I can just about understand that somebody might oppose gay marriage. But they can make their opposition perfectly clear by not marrying somebody of the same sex. That’s it. The end. Or is it just me?

I guess we have to get to the bottom of what marriage means in the modern world to get to the bottom of my thinking on this. Once upon a time marriage was a symbolic ceremony in which people had their union recognised in the eyes of God. It isn’t that anymore and I know that because ALL of my friends have been married in church yet only TWO of my friends would describe themselves as religious. Marriage has moved on. In the same way that views about slavery, or women, or people with disabilities have moved on.

Marriage is a choice that two people make. It’s a promise they make, in front of the people that matter the most to them. It’s a promise to stay by someone’s side come what may.  It’s a promise between the two people who decide they feel able to make that promise and everybody else needs to butt out and let love be. It’s a promise that we should all be free to make – whoever we happen to be, or whoever we happen to fall in love with.

So there you have my views on gay marriage. Essentially I don’t care – and that can be seen as ‘controversial’. Humans are ridiculous sometimes. I hope that doesn’t offend anybody. I’m just saying, y’know?

Lots of love from WeeGee xx

*Between today’s activities and Dr Who. I’m a geek. I know

**I actually pulled it out of an envelope but a hat sounded better

Posted in Welcome to my world

Things and stuff and what not

Once again I am writing only for the sake of writing. I think I’m getting paranoid that if I don’t keep writing I will eventually stop writing and that my poor little blog will die.

All is well in WeeGee land. Well you know, as okay as it ever gets. Thanks to Bourbon I’ve been busy writing limericks for most of the day. It’s tremendous fun and is an excellent way of warding off the doom and gloom: it’s hard to feel doomy and gloomy when your brain is occupied trying to think of words that rhyme with ‘bum’*

Here’s my latest effort:

WeeGee and her cat lived in Surrey**

They both had a liking for curry

Two peas in a pod

Though it got a bit odd

When Gee said she wished she was furry.

Ahem. Or should that be amen?

I went out for Sunday lunch today. You know, as in out into the world with friends and stuff like that. I had a super time and once again found myself wondering a) why I don’t force myself to do it more often and b) how I can make sure I remember not to forget that particular gem.

I’m starting to reflect on my time off work a bit. I’m definitely looking forward to going back, because I’m missing the routine , daytime TV is truly shocking and I’ve run out of Breaking Bad*** to watch. At the same time, I really do feel like the time away from it all has been beneficial because I feel more like ‘myself’ than I have for a very long time. The trick now is to keep hold of myself….

Meanwhile in other news I have developed a strange allergy type thing which is affecting only my hands and feet and is itching like mad. At first I thought it was psoriasis and then I thought Gryff might have fleas**** but it is definitely neither of those things. I expect it’ll turn out that I’m allergic to myself because that would be just my luck.

Nothing else to report today save that I have lined up an ‘exciting’ guest writer and will keep you posted and At The Drive In have reformed and this has made me VERY happy because I can now post a celebratory video. Hurrah!

Lots of love and stuff from WeeGee

*Harder still when you are informing a close friend that his face resembles a bum

**We don’t really, but we nearly do and surely poetic licence applies?

***WeeGee LOVES Breaking Bad

****As much as I love him, fleas would see him out on his ear

Posted in Moving forwards

We’re all doomed

Don’t worry, we’re not really. Doomed that is, well at least not as far as I know. To be fair, if we were all doomed I’m pretty sure the powers that be would get in touch with someone important (like the Pope) or wise (like the Dalai Lama)* rather than me….. Moving swiftly on before I get myself into trouble.

All kinds of things ‘hold me back in life’. Some of the things that hold me back feel insurmountable at times and I know I have to hold on tight, work hard and keep my head if I’m ever going to deal with them. And that’s fine. I know what my goals are.

At the same time, some of the things that hold me back aren’t so huge and I know that the answer to overcoming them is entirely in my gift. Like for example, the fact that I’m shy.

There you have it. I’m shy and I lack confidence but (and here’s the thing) that’s not because I’m mental. It’s a simple character trait. Sometimes, when you’re mental it’s too easy to forget that you have a ‘personality’ at all – everything gets bound up with your difficulties whether it belongs there or not.

When my mental tendencies get mixed up with my shyness I start to think that I’M DOOMED. Except of course, I’m not doomed. I’m just a bit** mental and a bit shy.

As I said – I’m working on the mental health stuff but there isn’t a magic wand and I just have to keep plugging away. What I tend not to remember is that I have to work on the shyness stuff too – there isn’t a magic wand for that either, but then again I can at least put my mind to it.

So, in light of that, I spent this afternoon deliberately doing things I don’t like doing because I’m shy. That’s deliberately…. as in, on purpose. I stand by my assertion that this is nothing to do with being mental!

Shyness is, in some ways, a little bit like mental health difficulties: everybody experiences it slightly differently even though it has a common name. For me, the biggest part of my shyness is the ‘fear’ that I will ‘look’ foolish. It’s a bit like anxiety, but not quite… sometimes I get anxious and I know how that feels, but most of the time I’m shy and I know how that feels too.

In order to avoid looking foolish I avoid situations where ‘I don’t know what I’m doing’, or where I feel ‘conspicuous’. This means I hardly ever do anything new. It also means that I don’t do some really simple things that I’m perfectly capable of doing, and for that matter, enjoying.

Here’s what I’ve been up to this afternoon

1. Inviting Mr Friendly to dinner even though I was scared he would think it was a stupid idea and that I would end up feeling foolish.

2. Going into a brand new coffee shop, purchasing a beverage and drinking it there even though I had never been in there before and was scared everyone would look at me because I was on my own.

3. Wandering around the boutique type shops in Surbiton even though I had never been in them before, had no money to buy anything and was scared everyone would think I didn’t belong there.

4. Using the coinstar machine in the supermarket even though I thought I might not be able to work it and that everyone would look at me and think I was a fool.

5. Buying an ice lolly on the way home AND EATING IT IN PUBLIC on my own

It seems like a pretty small list of achievements I guess doesn’t it*** but I don’t care, because I decided I was going out of my comfort zone just because I could if I tried. And I did it. And I had a pretty okay day all things considered.

Lots of bravery and love from WeeGee xx

*Did you see what I did there?!

**Okay – a lot mental

***Oh no, am I feeling foolish now?!

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

The real damage

Today didn’t get off to a good start: some idiot turned up outside my flat at 7:30am and started digging a massive hole in the road with a MASSIVE drill type thing. It woke me up (on my second to last day of annual leave) and Gryff didn’t like it so he went bat shit crazy and jumped on my head causing a small blood injury. It was tremendous fun.

I understand that the guy had a job to do. But why did he have to do it outside my window at SEVEN THIRTY IN THE MORNING on the second to last day of my annual leave. Plus what’s he digging a hole for anyway? In my experience these people tend to come along and dig a massive hole in the road. Then they come back a few days later and fill the massive hole back up again. It’s a stroke of genius if you think about it. I mean, you’re never going to be out of a job are you…..?

I’m still grumpy almost twelve hours later. Can you tell? Anyway, let’s move swiftly on.

I’ve had a busy little head today. There’s been the usual nonsense to contend with, because that stuff never really goes away and there’s been some pretty big stuff like time, and existence, and identity, and religion. That’s some pretty big stuff there, isn’t it? I don’t think I’m ready to write that post just yet!

The other thing that’s been on my mind is friendship.

And that’s what I’m going to write about today.

Here’s the thing. I don’t have many friends. I don’t say that in a boo hoo please feel all sorry for me kinda way. I say it as a simple fact. It doesn’t bother me because I think the few friends I have are as many as I can cope with without me going PROPER mental. And also because the few friends I have are special. They mean something to me.

Here are some of the reasons that I have a small circle of friends…. I’m shy. I’m quiet. I don’t trust people. It takes me ages to get used to people, but sometimes it doesn’t matter because on occasion I decide that I hate someone as soon as I meet them. There isn’t a reason for hating them, not really but that’s the way I feel. I’m told this is wrong. I call it a gut feeling. Who says gut feelings are bad?

Here are some more reasons: I don’t understand people. I don’t understand people’s feelings. I find it baffling when people don’t feel the same way as I do, or like the same things that I do. I don’t lack empathy (no need to panic!) I just don’t quite get it when it comes to other people.

Here is the final reason: I get attached to people. In fact, I get too attached to people. In my experience getting too attached to people is a sure fire way to get yourself hurt. There have been a number of times in my life when I’ve just let somebody disappear altogether because I sensed they were disappearing a little bit. Generally speaking, it’s all or nothing with me and all or nothing is a difficult thing to be friends with – it seems needy and clingy and selfish. Maybe it is. But in my defence it’s also incredibly loyal.

Still, ‘all or nothing’ hurts me because I let people go when I don’t need to let them go. If I could understand the middle ground I would have millions of friends. I don’t think I really want to have millions of friends because that would be a bit overwhelming but I do wish I could learn not to let people go in order to protect myself because once I get to a certain distance from it I realise that the real damage is in letting go completely, not losing a little bit. Does that make any sense what so ever?

Let’s have a Frank Turner song called ‘The real damage’ while we have a little think about it:

I’ve had a little think….. It makes sense, but then I would think that because I wrote it!

In some way ‘friendship’ is on my mind because of my birthday. My friends are busy people, not shitty people and that’s why it was such a quiet day. Plus I don’t care about my birthday and my friends were all aware of that fact. I know that. But then I went and got all worried that I was more attached to everyone I know that they were to me and I decided I was going to get hurt very badly and that I was ‘setting myself up for a fall’. I decided I shouldn’t care at all and that I didn’t need any friends EVER AGAIN. Everyone was excommunicated. WeeGee against the world….

But then I decided that was broken brain speaking and told myself over and over that it was going to be okay. It’s going to be okay, isn’t it?

My friends care about me – of course they do. Mr Friendly and Mr Hilarious and Mrs Sparkle all came through in the end. Mum and dad came through too and even my brother got his act together and sent a little text. You need to know my brother to understand what a big deal that is!

So it was all okay.

But then I thought about some of the people I’ve met on WordPress and how much I care about them. I mean genuinely care about. I thought wanted to meet everybody in real life because that would make it all better and then everything would be fine. And then I thought uh oh! You’re doing it again. You’re getting all attached and involved with people THAT YOU’VE NEVER EVEN MET and that is going to end in disaster one way or another. You’re going to get yourself hurt. So I decided that there was only one thing for it. I had to stop blogging IMMEDIATELY and forget about everyone I’d come across.

But then I decided that was broken brain speaking and told myself over and over that it was going to be okay. It’s going to be okay, isn’t it?

Starting my blog is one of the best things I’ve ever done in terms of managing my mental health. I thought blogging would give me an outlet, but what it actually brought was more support, reassurance and friendship than I could ever imagine. And it’s okay to care about people, isn’t it?

Since I started blogging I’ve met people that I genuinely care about: Sailors, and Bourbons, and lovely Brandics, and Mooses (is that the plural of Moose?) and Roxys and Potters and so, so many more – everyone, actually. And it’s okay to care. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing and you don’t need to meet the people you care about to make it all better. You just need to find comfort in the fact that they are out there, and that they ‘get’ you and they will support you and that you ‘get’ them and will support them right back. And that’s what it’s all about.

So it was all okay.

It turned into an Oscars speech in the end didn’t it? But it was a revelation to me….

Lots and LOTS of love from WeeGee (who has realised that it’s okay to care and that it’s probably going to be okay) xx