Since last I wrote a whole lot of time has passed. Some of it has been happy and some of it has been sad and some of it has been other things – things I don’t have a name for yet – things that don’t quite fit into the ready made categories we’ve got set out for them.
Also – I haven’t been eating right. It’s a difficult subject to tackle, and I’ve thought long and hard about how to write about it. I don’t want to end up with some kind of ‘pro ana’ blog on my hands because even at my worst I was never about encouraging that kind of shit. Even at my worst, and most poorly all I really ever wanted to do was leave that nonsense behind.
Still. YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE. Of all the lessons I’ve learned, that’s the most valuable and important. You can only ever deal with what’s in front of you.
Okay – so what’s in front of me? Lots of meals that I don’t want to eat for reasons that I couldn’t explain to you if I wanted to. But, by the way, I don’t want to explain myself anyway. Take it all with a pinch of salt but I mostly couldn’t give a fuck one way or the other.
Here’s the truth. I’m not as ‘thin’ as I used to be. The trouble is that ‘thin’ is the only thing I’ve ever achieved. The thinnest I was? That was the best I was. The thinnest I was – that was the person I want to be, the person I should be. The thinnest I was – that was the best I ever was.
In so many ways I know that everything I’ve said is nonsense. It’s nonsense and bullshit and airy-fairy rubbish. At the same time I AM WHERE I AM.
Hello, good evening and welcome to my world. My world isn’t exactly awesome but I’ve got tea, a comfy chair, and plenty of hugs if you’d care to stick around for a little chat…..
How’re you doing? How’ve you been? Milk and sugar? Please, have a seat. Me? Oh – well I haven’t been too well lately but there’s no point getting my knickers in a knot about it now, is there?
All things must pass and these things are sent to try us and – I get knocked down but I ALWAYS get up again. I’m fine now. Well no. That’s not quite it – I’m not completely fine but the end is in sight and I’ve just about figured out how to get there. If in doubt, walk towards the light. That’s what I say.
Am I talking too fast? I’ve been doing that lately. I don’t really know why unless maybe I’ve been trying to make up for how slow it all feels on the inside. That would make sense, right? I mean that makes sense in your head as well as my head doesn’t it? I’m not sure I can completely trust my own head yet.
Work’s fine thanks. I’ve been lucky there really. It took me a while, after my last proper job, to find something I could settle into but now I have. I like what I do, and I’m good at it and I can split my time between home and the office which means I get to be useful AND have the doomy gloomies all at the same time. Sometimes it’s hard because my work puts me into contact with a lot of very angry people and it can be difficult to understand why people are so upset about the things they’re upset about when the whole sky is falling down around you. Still, I try not to take it personally and to be honest in reminds me that things could be worse. I mean, the sky could be falling down around me AND I could be very VERY angry about drains as well . Silver linings, you see. There’s always one.
More tea vicar? I’m sorry. I’m incapable of offering a second cup of tea without saying that. Think yourself lucky I didn’t make a pot because then I’d be forced to do the ‘high tea, low tea’ thing while pouring and I’m yet to meet another person who finds that nearly as hilarious as I do……
Mr Awesome Thing Number Five is, well, awesome. Can you believe he’s been part of my life for three whole years?! The guy’s got the patience of a saint, really. I don’t know how he puts up with me but he does and I’m glad he does. When I look back, I think the past three years have been the steadiest and best I’ve had. That’s his influence because he keeps me more grounded than I’ve ever been or thought I could be. It isn’t the kind of thing I say, because you know, I’m not a squishy kinda person, but he is the best thing that could’ve happened to me and I love him for so many different reasons. Most of all I love him because he had the time and patience to let me be me.
Ahem. This is getting a bit serious, no? Why don’t I put some music on… Any requests?
I LOVE that song. I can’t remember how I came across it but it’s on pretty much every play list I make because it makes me feel happy in my heart. Anyway…..
No gossip to impart I’m afraid. I think the biggest thing on my radar at the moment is the forthcoming EU Referendum. Has anyone outside the UK even heard of the EU referendum? I don’t know, but it’s a pretty big deal in UK politics and that makes it a pretty big deal for me. Sadly – I am contractually and legislatively bound not to express an opinion on the EU referendum until polls close, what with purdah and all. That’s the worse thing about my new job – although maybe some people are glad to have been spared my usual political rants on various social media platforms. (There’s no need to agree quite so readily, really) This, I guess is the reality of being a civil servant in 2016: the pensions aren’t what they used to be and you can’t be a keyboard warrior when you want to be a keyboard warrior more than at any other time in your life.
Oh – I didn’t mention Gryff, my cat, hasn’t been very well. Nothing major as far as anyone can tell but he did lose an awful lot of weight for a while there which completely gave me the creeps and made me want to put him in my handbag and take him with me everywhere I went and feed him cheese and tuna and crisps (which he loves almost as much as I do). I didn’t put him in my handbag at any point – not least because that would have meant taking my life in my hands to get him in there. Nevertheless I did feed him crisps and cheese and tuna at every possible opportunity and he’s almost, but not quite, back to his usual grumpy self. What do you mean he’s getting old? I don’t want to ruin a perfectly good friendship but …how very dare you?! And anyway, even if he is getting old that cat is going to live forever because I’ve decided. Let’s change the subject.
More tea vicar? Shit. I’ve done that joke already – haven’t I?
Our shower is playing up. Total pain in the arse and way beyond our considerable combined intelligence to fix… anyhow, I thought I’d mention it because if I wind up dead in the shower with either hypothermia or third degree burns you’ll be able to attest to the fact that it really was just a horrible accident and not the result of some kind of foul-play. I’ve been watching Line of Duty recently, you see, and I’m on my guard against fit ups and double bluffs and horrible deaths that may, or may not have been an accident.
This is just getting weird now, isn’t it? And boring. I’m sorry. Let’s wind this shit up.
I’m glad you stopped by. It’s been nice to talk about my life without getting lost in all the nonsense that goes on in my head. Sometimes I forget that no matter where I get to, my life keeps on going and that there is ALWAYS more to me than the mental shit I contend with. Onwards and upwards eh? Onwards and upwards….
Take it easy, chicken. And stop by again soon. It’s good to talk.
Love you all lots like loads and loads of jelly tots,
In honour of the one year anniversary of Mr Awesome Thing Number Five and I moving in together I give you:
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF COHABITING WITH A WEEGEE.
Thou shalt respect the God of angles
The WeeGee is a particular creature in all matters but especially in relation to the positioning of inanimate objects – all such objects in the WeeGee’s natural habitat are placed carefully, sometimes parallel to others and sometimes slightly askew. There is a system governing the parallel/slightly askew positioning of inanimate objects known and understood by WeeGee and WeeGee alone.
The system must be respected at all times: if you choose to reposition inanimate objects you do so on pain of a ginormous and lengthy sulk.
Thou shalt not eat breakfast cereal
The cohabiting WeeGee has made significant progress in managing her ‘noisy eating rage’. However, the noise associated with the consumption of breakfast cereal remains problematic. Breakfast cereal is therefore eaten in WeeGee’s presence at considerable risk to your own personal safety.
Thou shalt remain calm in the face of loss
The WeeGee will lose her phone/keys/purse on a near daily basis. Such losses will result in a period of frantic searching which will invariably conclude when WeeGee finds her phone/keys/purse in the very place she said it definitely wasn’t.
If the period of frantic searching has not concluded within five minutes it is your responsibility to concede that WeeGee has really lost her phone/keys/purse this time and join the search. Shortly thereafter you will find the lost phone/keys/purse in the very place WeeGee said it definitely wasn’t.
Thou shalt not touch WeeGee’s feet. Ever.
Nothing makes the WeeGee more furious than a part of another person’s body touching her bare feet. In the interests of safety adequate precautions should therefore be taken if there is even the slightest possibility that you might make contact with the WeeGee’s bare feet. Adequate precautions include, but are not limited to, the wearing of protective garments designed to guard against a punch in the face.
Thou shalt not wake a sleeping WeeGee.
Every effort should be taken not to disturb the sleeping WeeGee. In the event that a sleeping WeeGee is accidentally woken you should be prepared to hear an extremely wide variety of really bad swear words many of which you will not have heard before.
Unfortunately it will occasionally be necessary to deliberately wake the sleeping WeeGee. In this instance commandment five shall be amended to read ‘thou shalt not wake a sleeping WeeGee and expect her to be remotely civil about it’ (see above)
Thou shalt not expect to find things where you left them
The WeeGee is a stealth tidier-upper. Items left in the wrong place will be moved to the correct place immediately and without warning.
Note that your opinion on the ‘correct’ place for an item is entirely irrelevant. The WeeGee’s decision on where your personal belongings will be tidied up to is final and you shall have no right of appeal.
Thou shalt not laugh at tears
The WeeGee is a highly sensitive creature prone to outbursts of uncontrollable crying. It is unusual for a warning to be given although really nice people winning television game shows and that happy-but-sad bit at the end of DIY SOS often precede outbursts of uncontrollable crying.
It is your responsibility not to laugh at these outbursts of uncontrollable crying, no matter how ridiculous. Note that you should never administer hugs if uncontrollable crying breaks out as the administration of hugs under such circumstances tends to lead to an outbreak of full-blown but equally uncontrollable sobbing. This is not in the interests of anyone, least of all yourself.
Thou shalt provide socks
Quite what the WeeGee did for socks before she lived with you remains one of the great mysteries of life but the fact remains that the WeeGee will never have any socks and will expect to find a suitable pair in your drawer.
Thou shalt not get antsy when WeeGee wears your Thursday socks on a Sunday is a supplementary commandment that will help to avoid arguments and thus make life a little more tolerable for all concerned.
Thou shalt be in charge of the cling film
The WeeGee is incapable of using cling film without a) embarking on a long, heartfelt and sweary rant about the bastard who invented it and b) losing the effing end of the useless bastard stuff. You shall therefore bear sole responsibility for all and any procedures which involve the use of cling-film.
Thou shalt not ask questions about Eastenders during Eastenders
If you would like to know what is happening in Eastenders you should watch it. If you do not want to watch Eastenders you should not ask the WeeGee questions about what is happening while she is trying to watch it.
If you do not want to watch Eastenders but insist on asking WeeGee questions about what is happening while she is trying to watch it the WeeGee will be deeply sarcastic and will also certainly not tell you what is happening in Eastenders because SHE IS TRYING TO WATCH IT.
Since last I wrote I have mostly been feeling guilty about not writing. I’ve got at least a million and one half written posts kicking about in draft form, and another three squillion notes to try and make sense of but when it came down to it my head was too busy being empty, and I was too busy being busy and every post I tried to write turned in to yet another post that simply wasn’t meant to be….. I’m not sure I’ve got too much to say yet but I’m going to give it a go anyway….
Believe it or not it’s been four whole weeks since the big move. Surbiton is no more, living by myself is no more, my lovely little flat is no more, and WeeGee’s old life is pretty much no more. To be honest I think it took a little while for the enormity of things to start to sink in. There was so much to do – leading up to the move, during the move, and after the move – that my poor old broken brain didn’t have so much as a minute to figure out what the hell was hitting it. I think it would be fair to say that the last week or so has been quiet, hidey, and thoughtful because when so much hits your brain all at once it’s hardly surprising that you need a bit of quiet, hidey and thoughtful time to make sense of it all.
Things have changed in my life and even although I am one hundred percent sure that the changes have been for the better I still felt like I needed to recalibrate to how things are now. Changes rarely happen over night and where I am right now has been a very long time coming. I had to get better, I had to get to know myself and I had to find the courage to let other people know me too. I had to be brave enough to make some BIG decisions and strong enough to stand by them. I had to leap and wait to see if the net was going to appear. Thankfully it did but now I feel like I need to step back and take a few deep breaths.
A while ago I wrote about how everything in my life was up for grabs – where I lived, who I lived with, how I lived, and how I went about making that living. It seemed bonkers at the time because I liked where I lived, and who I lived with* and how I lived and how I made my living. As for now – well, it’s all changed and I definitely like it a whole lot better now. As for what next – it’s time for a new routine, and different plans and most of all it’s about my future. I don’t know what it’s going to be like but for the first time in a very long time I’m looking forward to every single minute of it…..
Meanwhile in other news I would like to report that Mr Awesome Thing Number Five does indeed have a number of annoying habits that I’m doing my very best to learn to live with.
Nothing else to report today save that it’s okay, because I know I have just as many, if not more, annoying habits than him.
Love you all lots like Jelly tots,
*Which was myself and my cat. What else does a WeeGee need?!
Since last I wrote I have mostly been being busy. I have also mostly been being without broadband – for TWENTY WHOLE DAYS. I swear to god you cannot begin to imagine how TRULY AWFUL that actually was. I spent days and days of my life trying not to be sarcastic to the tech dudes on the phone, but they were TOTAL freaking idiots and they were VERY VERY lucky not to get a poke in the chuffing eye….
Anyways – I’m back online now*, I’ve written my highly sarcastic email of complaint, and I’m starting to run out of busy so I decided that now was as good a time as any for a little update from WeeGee land.
I suppose the headline is that I’m all moved in and pretty much settled here in the new place with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five and, to cut a long story short, it’s AWESOME. Don’t get me wrong, the unpacking was a right royal pain in the backside, and there are still a few stray boxes kicking about but, you know, it feels a lot like home and he and I are rubbing along quite nicely together. We’re a pretty good team when all’s said and done.
I won’t lie – all this living together stuff is making for one heck of an adjustment. I knew I’d gotten used to living by myself, and I knew living with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five was going to be a HUGE change and a HUGE challenge. I’m working hard to mitigate, to make allowances, to compromise. I’m also working hard to look after myself and to give myself the priorities and space that I need. The thing is, it feels like working hard is worth every single ounce of effort it takes at the moment. Put simply – I’m having to work at life right now but life is good regardless.
It’s been a while since my last post and I’m a little rusty at this blogging lark so this was only ever going to be a short one. Will it do?
I’ll be back again in no time at all, just you wait and see. In the meantime, here’s a pretty little song:
The eagle eyed amongst you have probably noticed a sudden glut of posts here on How do you eat an elephant? I don’t know what’s gotten into me all of a sudden although I must confess that hitting the five hundred follower mark has spurred my blogging mojo on a little* It’s also fair to say that I’ve got time on my hands at the moment mostly because I went into super organised mode and I’ve pretty much packed the flat up two days ahead of schedule. This is a remarkable feat of achievement, particularly when you consider that I’m always spectacularly late. For EVERYTHING.
Anyway…. it turns out milestones are catching because after discovering my little blog had 500 followers the other day we’ve only gone and reached another. This post here, the one you’re reading right now is post number 250. This is another remarkable feat of achievement by the way because it means that blogging wasn’t just another of my many passing obsessions. Two years ago I started something AWESOME that I’m still doing today which, given the way my brain usually works, is pretty AWESOME in itself.
So. To celebrate all of these milestones I’ve decided that it’s time we shook things up a bit. Of course How do you eat an elephant? is, and always will be, primarily about WeeGee’s adventures in being a mental person. But there’s an awful lot more to WeeGee and I think it’s about time those things got a look in too. To be honest, I’m thinking I might take a leaf out of Mental Mama’s book** with some regular features and one or two writing challenges***. I think it’s also time I shut my other blogs down and brought all of the content under this one umbrella: brace yourselves for recipes, food porn, book reviews and the occasional political rant.
It’ll be great, sorta like How do you eat ALL the elephants…… Who’s in? Oooooh. Which reminds me: anyone out there interested in guest posting here. I think that would be a lot of fun…..
Anyway. I’m pretty sure this is going to be my last post before the move**** and possibly for a while because I’m going to have NO INTERNET for a couple of days*****. What can I say? I’ll see you on the other side. It’s going to be AWESOME.
Love you all lots, like jelly tots.
*I’m still super excited about that.
**Y’all know the Mama, right?
***But not the Daily Post. Definitely not the Daily Post.
****Fuckity fuck this is actually happening.
*****Please pray for me.
Since last I wrote I have mostly been being sentimental because when all’s said I’m done the WeeGee is nothing if not a sentimental old fool….
As I write I’m sitting in my packed up living room, trying to come to terms with the fact that it very nearly isn’t my living room anymore. It’s worth mentioning, I think, that tonight is the LAST EVER night I will spend alone in this little flat that I’ve come to call home.
I moved in here a little over three years ago at a time when (and I don’t mean to be melodramatic) it felt like my whole life was falling apart. It wasn’t just that a relationship had come to an end – although with hindsight I know that the grief that came with that was a large part of it – I’d lost friendships, support structures, routines, every single reference point that I thought I could rely on. I was all at sea and there was no shore, or at least no shore that I could find. I’d been lost before, plenty of times in fact, but when I moved here I was lost in a whole new way – mostly because I was lost alone.
Of course the heartbreak subsided because that’s what it does – it was that thing that people talked about when it first happened ‘time’. I didn’t believe them then and if it happened all over again I still wouldn’t believe them because the heart doesn’t learn lessons nearly as well as the brain does. I guess you need the time to happen before you believe it’s going to help.
Once the heartbreak was over I didn’t feel like I’d been left with very much – a silent flat and a WeeGee who not only had no idea who she was anymore but who also didn’t really care was pretty much all I had in my head for the longest time. It was the worst of me – the worst of who I’ve been and worst of who I can be. Everything was nothing and it wasn’t so much that I wanted to be dead. I just didn’t care one way or another. My brain has taken me to some spectacularly awful places but this was the first time that I didn’t feel that I had anything to get better for. I’d been unwell before, sure, but there had always been people around to save me. This time, all I had was myself and I’d never much cared for her
Needless to say, I’ve learned an awful lot since I moved to Kingston. I learned how to be with myself, and how to let myself be who I am, and, to a certain extent, how to forgive myself. I’ve learned how to put one foot in front of the other JUST FOR ME. Most importantly of all, I’ve learned how to save myself from the worst my brain has to throw at me.
I thought I was going to hate living alone, and for a long time, I did. But eventually I realised that I needed to be alone because I’d become so used to fitting in around other people that I had no idea how to be me when the other people weren’t around anymore. On reflection, maybe that’s the most important lesson I learned here: I matter. And I matter whether there is anyone else in my life or not.
At this point, it seems worth a bit of fast forwarding because the time I spent alone, coming to terms with myself and working out who I might be if I ever grow up put me in a new place. It put me in a place where I was ready to meet Mr Awesome Thing Number Five, who, I would like to put on record, is the love of my life. I don’t love Mr Awesome Thing Number Five because he loves me and I don’t adapt myself or lose anything of me in loving him. I bring as much to his life as he brings to mine – I’ve never had that before because I never cared enough for myself before. I’ve always been too willing to please and too quick to compromise no matter what the consequences. Who knew that you had to learn to love yourself before you could make space to love any one else?
Living in this little flat gave me my life back and helped me to learn lessons that I might not otherwise have learned. What it also did is give me the opportunity to move on sensibly in a grown up and deeply loving relationship that has a future. Being heartbroken seems like a lifetime ago but it gave me things that I never thought I would have. Nothing you ever feel is wasted; everything you survive is significant. Hope is the most important thing of all.
One day in April 2012 I decided to start a blog. I called it ‘how do you eat an elephant?’* and I had no idea WHATSOEVER how much it would come to mean to me.
When I started writing I was in a pretty bad place and I was trying to find a way – any way – to put my life back together. Here’s the thing…. 26 months later and I’ve managed to put my life back together and them some. In your face my broken brain: IN YOUR FACE.
Blogging has taught me all kinds of things – perspective, and how to be engaged, and how to reflect on the things in my head. Starting my blog has been the single best thing I’ve ever done for my mental health. Ever, ever, ever. I’d recommend it to all of the mental people….
Anyway – it’s late and I don’t have an awful lot to say apart from the fact that I woke up this morning to discover that FIVE HUNDRED whole people have clicked the follow button on my blog since I started writing.
So yeah, thank you to each and every one of you from the very bottom of the bottom of my heart. I’m feeling very proud of myself tonight, and very grateful to each and every one of you for your support. My favourite thing about blogging is all the wonderful, super, brilliant and AWESOME people I’ve been lucky enough to get to know because of it. That’s you lot, by the way. So thank you, lots of love and hugs and…. did I mention you are AWESOME?
Normal service will be resumed shortly….
Love you all lots and lots like at least a million jelly tots
When it comes to WordPress we mental folks tend to move in pretty small circles so I’m guessing that most of my readers will already have come across Blog For Mental Health 2014? If not it’s a fantastic project and I’d encourage you all to get involved because, you know, lots of voices are an awful lot louder than one. You can get the lowdown on BFMH 2014 here…..
2014 is the first year I’ve taken part in BFMH. I’ve always been aware of it and I’ve always wanted to be involved but somehow, I never seemed to get round to it. Until now. Here’s my pledge. I’m going to put it in bold because it’s VERY important:
I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.
I don’t need to tell you how important mental health is, or how much I believe with all of my heart that we need to embrace it, understand it, talk about it and sometimes, even scream and shout about it* Every single person on the planet has mental health whether it’s good, bad, or a mixture of the two and as far as I’m concerned that makes it very, very important to all of us.
Last year I took a bit of a leap of faith and shared my blog with everyone I know on Facebook. I decided that writing an anonymous blog didn’t square up with some of the things I believed about acceptance and stamping out stigma and so I wrote:
“My name is Gail, but you can call me WeeGee if you prefer. I love my cat, and Frank Turner, and I’m obsessed with Breaking Bad. I like taking pictures of dudes in red trousers and I’m a budding masterchef contestant***. Once upon a time, I starved myself within an inch of my life but I’m better now. Sometimes the darkness creeps in and I get depressed. Sometimes I worry so much that I think I’m going to explode. I take medication to regulate my mood and occasionally I don’t sleep for days at a time. I’m a total geek when it comes to politics and grammar and if I ever grow up I’m going to live in a cottage in Oxfordshire and grow pink roses in the garden. I’m one of those mental people. It’s important that I say it, but it isn’t even nearly the most important thing about me.”
I guess that’s the point I want to make – sometimes my broken brain takes over and I do mad, bonkers, reckless stuff but last year I resolved that wherever my wonky little brain decided it was going to take me that I would never let the symptoms, or the diagnosis, or any of the crazy define me. Because WeeGee has a truck load more than that going for her.
I thought i’d leave you with a song, because it used to be traditional, and this band have long been my go to band when the doom gloomies strike:
Love you all lots, like a billion jelly tots
*Note: if you’re planning on shouting and screaming about being mental you should proceed with caution. The normal people get a bit upset when mental people scream and shout in public……
Good afternoon my lovely little chickadees. Is it okay to be so familiar? Do you even remember who I am?! It’s only WeeGee popping up to say ‘hello’ and let you know how I’ve been getting on. I hope you’ve all been keeping okay? I haven’t been hanging out on WordPress much these past few months so I’m afraid I’m way behind on all the news and gossip. A quick glance down my reader suggests that a lot has changed, but I’m pleased to see so many familiar faces and can’t wait to spend some time catching up on what’s been going on.
At this point it would be polite* to welcome all my new readers. I can’t believe how many of you have found my blog since I last logged in! Anyway you are all very welcome indeed. I hope you come to enjoy the weird and wonderful world of WeeGee – I’m really looking forward to getting to know you all a little better in the coming months.
I’m sorry my blog has been so quiet of late. There are all kinds of different reasons that things have been so sparse but I guess it would be fair to say that the biggest reason of all has been that things have changed. Of course when I say that things have changed it’s important to point out that things have very much changed for the better. More about that another day, but for now, I think it’s fair to say that I find myself having less time to blog and, to be honest, a little less to say for myself. I suppose also I’m less likely to turn to my blog when I do have things to get off my chest than I used to be. I’ve got other outlets now. That said, I miss blogging, and I miss my blogging buddies and so despite my long standing conviction that I don’t ‘do’ New Year’s resolutions I’ve decided to make myself a solemn little promise that my much neglected blog is going to be full to bursting in 2014!
For the most part broken brain is on best behaviour at the moment and I’m only a teeny tiny bit mental. To be honest I’m not entirely sure that anybody is going to be interested in what happens here in WeeGee land when those two rather novel circumstances collide but I thought I might as well give it a little go. How do you eat an elephant? will always be a blog about mental health but for now I think it’s going to be a blog about how I’m coping now the darkness and my wonky little brain have decided to leave me in peace for a while. In short it’s a blog about what happens when you survive the worst that your brain can throw at you, come out the other side, and discover what being alive is really all about.
It’s a long time since things have been extreme here in WeeGee land. I’ve been neither AWESOME nor contemplating jumping off a tall thing for what feels like an age. Sure, The Dreaded Jitters turn up every once in a while, I have days where I feel as bleak as bleak can be, and I have other days where things are all a bit bouncy and excitable. Things aren’t perfect, I’m still trying really hard to figure some stuff out, and there’s something fairly major on the horizon that really does have the potential for blowing my happy little bubble right out of the water. You know what though? Broken brain isn’t in the kind of place that it’s going to do any real damage and in spite of one or two grotty bits I have at least one million and one reasons to be cheerful. I’m content with that.
I think that’ll probably do for today. My blogging skills are a little rusty so I happen I’m going to ease myself back in to it……