Posted in Recovery?

Out of routine

The title of this post is a fairly adequate description of how I’ve been feeling for the last week or so. It’s also the title of an awesome song by one of my favourite bands – here it is if you fancy a listen:

Cool, eh?

I returned to work after SEVENTEEN whole days off today. The break was all great and awesome and stuff, but I started to feel a bit out of sorts and pointless because I was missing my routine and everybody knows how WeeGee loves a routine*

To be fair, it isn’t really me who needs the routine, it’s my broken brain** because in the absence of routine broken brain takes against me and does everything in its power to mix it all up again in the off chance that it might manage to convince me that things are so mixed up that jumping out the window is the BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD.

The upshot of all of this is that I had two days where I was a teeny tiny bit ‘woe is me’ which made me panic because I didn’t think I could do the whole ‘woe is me’ thing again but then I decided I was being foolish because there is a big difference between ‘woe is me’ and being a little bit down in the dumps because a) Christmas is all over with, b) you’ve been sitting around not doing much for a few days and c) you’re missing your friends from work. And then everything was okay again.

To be honest I think one of the most difficult things about getting better is adjusting to the ups and downs that a normal mood throws at you. Every time I feel a little bit sad, or a little bit confused, or a little bit lost (or a little bit whatever else) I over react because I think ‘here we go again’ when what I should really think is ‘how novel to have a fluctuating mood instead of the pointless empty one I used to have one hundred percent of the time’. I suppose I’ll get used to it in time…..

Food wise, I’m still doing well. In fact I’m doing really well. Christmas dinner didn’t fill me with the dread or self loathing or panic of previous years. In fact the only thing Christmas dinner filled me with this year was turkey and stuffing and brussel sprouts and other such festive foodstuffs. Better than that, I recently managed to EAT OUT IN PUBLIC WITH PEOPLE I HAD NEVER MET BEFORE. Get this – I didn’t just manage it once…. I only went and did it twice. Go me 🙂

As far as weight goes I think I’m getting somewhere. I’m fairly confident that my weight has levelled out at last and I can now go into almost any shop I want and find something that fits me (which is to say I’m normal enough to wear normal sizes which is pretty exciting, when you come to think about it) Every so often I wobble*** but only in a very minor manner and given some of the wobbles I’ve overcome so far I’m not going to worry myself about the minor things in life.

I suppose I could have summed up all of the above by saying ‘on a scale of one to mental I’m not very mental at all’ but I felt like setting it all out in black and white to remind myself how well I’m doing and how far I’ve come. I know that some of my readers are having a hard time with themselves at the moment, and I also know that they probably don’t think that it’ll ever get any better. The thing is, you have to keep on doing the right things, even when the right things don’t seem to be helping because eventually it will slot into place and the right things will lead you out the other side. To borrow a phrase from a much esteemed fellow blogger…… There is hope.

Meanwhile in other news I didn’t mention that I officially LOVE being back at work not least because I can blog in my (late) lunch hour. Nothing else to report today save that Mr Hilarious accidentally bought his daughter a psychotic hamster for her birthday and has some very impressive scars to prove it.

Cheerio for now

Lots of love from WeeGee xoxoxox

*Just in case you don’t, WeeGee loves a routine very much

**Yes – I do think of us as two separate entities. You’re allowed to do things like that when you’re mental

***Like when a pair of size six trousers are a bit tight for me. Which is ridiculous and I know it.


19 thoughts on “Out of routine

  1. I’m glad you’re back and seeing things from this perspective. It is perfectly normal to have a fluctuating mood (we are human and not cyborg) and the same goes for self-esteem as well. 🙂

    Thank you for the song. I’ve not really looked in to the band before because I didn’t like their ‘big hit’ about a decade ago but, I do like this one. 🙂

    1. When I don’t panic it’s actually quite nice having a fluctuating mood. I guess you have to be sad once in a while so you can enjoy the happy times 🙂

      Idlewild shouldn’t really be judged by their commercial successes! Check out their first two albums. Highly recommended!


  2. Eek… eaten out twice?! fab! at least when we meet you’ll only be picking me up off the floor and not yourself too 😉 xpx

    1. I know. Get me – they were proper strangers as well.

      Hope you’re doing okay. You’ve had a bit of a battle on your hands this week haven’t you? Hang on in there lovely 🙂

      ps. I added ‘meet up with Bourbon’ to my official list of New Year’s resolutions xoxoxo

  3. WeeGee, you could be writing my life in this post — I have faced some of the same fears, and I am still not past them. Whenever I feel sad, I have to quickly remind myself that everyone is sad, every once in a while. Otherwise, I feel this great wave of depression looming over me, and I don’t think I am up to fighting it again. On the good side, congratulations on eating out, on Christmas dinner without panic or fear or anger, and your return to work, where I am sure your friends are happy to see you! And yea! on the weight — whatever you lost, I think I found, on my abdomen. Ah, well. Have a great time at work, and I’ll look forward to seeing your posts. 😎

    1. … I actually managed to put quite a bit of weight on after losing a lot and nearly making myself ill. If you’ve got any spare I could do with a little extra – maybe in the bust area 😉

      Glad you liked the song btw. Look up some of their early stuff – like a British version of REM if that means anything to you!


      1. I will be listening to some of their other songs, soon. I love their sound, and it does resemble REM in a neat way. As for the whole weight thing, I am losing about a pound a day right now, and I’ve started an exercise program that seems to help a lot. Wish I could pass along some of my extra, but even more, I hope to make it disappear forever. 😎

  4. Normal is a very odd place to be for those of us who are mental. I’m kind of struggling with that myself right now. Glad to hear that you’re doing well and getting back to routines. I love routines myself.

How about a little chat?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s