Posted in About today

It’s not unusual…

Fear not – this post has absolutely nothing to do with Tom Jones – that kind of thing really isn’t my bag. That said I’ve gone and thought it now and so have you. Sorry about that.

Here’s a little piece of advice for you: no matter how much practical and logistical sense lining up all of your white coat appointments in one day seems to make – DON’T DO IT. It turns out that there’s only so much poking and prodding around a broken brain can take in one day before…. well, before it decides to break.

I got back today feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and completely indignant about why this is happening to me. How bloody very dare this happen over and over and over again. Not just that, how bloody very dare some idiot in a bow tie tell me that I’m not doing as well as I think I am because I’m probably deluded. ‘Delusional’. There’s a new one, eh?

Hands up! I’ve been doing well for a little while because I’ve been ignoring some stuff for a little while. You know the kind of stuff – stuff I did, stuff that happened, stuff that lives in my head. So what? Ignoring stuff is enough to get me through the day. Ignoring stuff is enough for a few little hopes to think about taking root. Ignoring stuff works.

I don’t think it’s unusual for people to ignore certain things – even the normal people probably do a spot of ignoring once in a while. I expect that’s WHAT MAKES THEM NORMAL. Apparently, ignoring things ‘doesn’t work in the long term’. It’s difficult for me to see that as much of a problem because my brain regularly takes me to places where making it through the next few minutes seems impossible. Most of the time the long term doesn’t get a look in.

I understand that repressing stuff isn’t a good idea – but what I’m trying to do at the moment is different. The thing is there isn’t an answer to the way I think and feel. Some things hurt – and facing it isn’t going to make it hurt any less. Ignoring it on the other hand, that works for me so what’s the big deal?

So anyway – that’s where I am today. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and a little bit baffled to boot. Oh. And I’ve still got a headache and my black eye is very impressive indeed.

Meanwhile in other news Dexter Season 7 is shaping up nicely so far (please don’t tell anyone I used illicit means to watch it – what with my job and all) and I’ve got chocolate cheesecake coming out of my ears. Nothing else to report today save that I was rather amused by the headline in today’s sun: “Megan teacher dumped by wife”. No shit, eh?

Lots of love from WeeGee xx

Posted in About today

Sore head

 

I thought it was probably time for a little update. So here’s a little update….

I injured myself quite badly on Saturday morning. There I was, sleeping away, when I decided to semi-wake-up and smack my head off the corner of my bedside table. It was quite gruesome actually – I left skin behind on the furniture and gave myself a nice shiny black eye. What tremendous fun I have.

Any way several hours and a few stitches later I went out for dinner. You know, as in ME in the OUTSIDE WORLD for dinner WITH FRIENDS AND STUFF. Even though I had an injury (and a pretty bad headache). Go me……

So that was yesterday. It didn’t go according to plan and I reckon I’ll be able to add yet another impressive scar to the existing bus related scar on my face. WeeGee: ScarFace…..*

Today I have mostly spent my time being a domestic goddess. I cleaned the flat until it sparkled, made roast onion soup, pickled some shallots, made a rather lovely malted chocolate cheesecake, and roasted some chicken with garlic and thyme. One of these days I’m going to make some lucky bugger a fantastic wife.

I’ve several white coat type appointments coming up tomorrow. I’ve got the GP and the psychiatrist and FINALLY the psychologist for a spot of CBT. I’m also getting my hair cut. Add up all of those appointments and you have a nightmare-anxiety-i’d-rather-die-kinda-day on the horizon. Big Boooo. Oh and boo hoo.

Meanwhile in other news I am completely over excited about the return of Dexter TONIGHT. Nothing else to report save that my head still hurts and I wish that tomorrow was over and done with.

Night night lovely folks, WeeGee xxxx

 

 

 

*But MUCH  prettier than that makes me sound