You have been there in the background for too long now, and tonight is the night when I say enough is enough. It is time for you to leave me behind and I you.
I suppose you will wonder what has brought this on. The answer, is time. The time that I’ve had to make sense of everything that didn’t make sense until I had time. Last night you sent me a message and fifteen minutes later you chased it up wondering what on earth could be the matter that I hadn’t responded within fifteen little minutes. Tonight, I guess you are busy, because there has been no message and no chase up and you don’t seem to be interested in what on earth might be the matter.
It always was on your terms – whatever it was. I no longer accept your terms. I’m not here when you’re lonely and gone when you are not. I am here always, such is my way but such is not yours. I have been held back by ‘your terms’. By the words you threw at me – like ‘this might be the biggest mistake I’ve ever made’ or ‘do you want a lodger’ or ‘I’m so unhappy without you’. No more. No more your words and no more your terms. I’m not as vulnerable as you think.
Does this mean I don’t love you? Not at all. That I love you is the deepest, purest and truest thing I ever did or ever will do. Some things just are – they can’t be changed. But what I can change is my presence. I am here for me, in my life, in my world and not for you in your life, in your world when it suits.
I am learning lessons. I don’t suppose you expected that. But then again, I’m not as vulnerable as you think nor indeed as vulnerable as I thought.
Lots of love from WeeGee (being all cryptic but feeling great)