Tag: Recovery

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

It’s been a wee while

Posted on by WeeGee

My goodness, it’s been a while – so long in fact that I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve gone and forgotten all about me. I’ve been absent for months and months, for lots and lots of different reasons. In the end though, if I had to sum it up, my silence has really come about because I realised that some things in life deserve your absolute and undivided attention……

The last time we spoke I’d just moved to my new flat and, I think, I was getting ready to start my new job. Neither of those things seems very new any more. Such is the nature of time I guess but I’ve been surprised by how quickly I’ve settled in to things. I used to have one life and now I’ve got another. In many ways, it really has been as easy as that: things change, life moves on, WeeGee does her little thing. Yadder, yadder, yadder.

Of course, WeeGee doing her little thing is never REALLY easy. You know me of old and you know that I ALWAYS have to do things the long way round. I think I’ve learned that I’m a master of ‘keeping up appearances’, of being okay when I’m really not, of holding it together when everything starts to unravel. I suppose what it’s really all about is contradictions. I can be absolutely fine at the same time as being absolutely not. Increasingly I think that I’m the only one who knows the difference even though I’m the last person you’d trust to be in charge of stuff like that.

Anyway….

Let’s cut a long story short – if haven’t already cut it too long. The thing that needed my absolute and undivided attention was little old ME. I needed to take time to work out how it all felt, and what it all meant, and how on earth it was ever going to come together. Maybe you remember that I spent a long time figuring out what being ‘me’ was all about when I moved to Surbiton. I guess this past few months has been about me doing the same thing for the next chapter.

I shouldn’t hide it – there have been some pretty grim moments of late, because that’s just how the difficulties I have manifest themselves. My alien brain has been in over drive and it feels like a small miracle that I haven’t jumped out of any windows. Then again, I’ve learned to take my miracles wherever I find them.

There have been new meds. I tell you something, when it comes to the doomy gloomies they’ve been an absolute chuffing miracle – mainly because for the first couple of weeks I felt so UTTERLY NAUSEAUS that I couldn’t even think about the doomy gloomies and ever since then the raging heart burn has been pretty effective in keeping my thoughts focused on other things. Maybe it’s worth mentioning the couple of days when everything was AWESOME. Because that was AWESOME…..

I feel like I’ve checked in to say ‘Hey! Everything is just as wibbly wobbly as it was before’ but I haven’t really. I think maybe I’ve checked in to say that it’s been just as wibbly wobbly as its been before but that all the things I’ve learned up to now made it significantly less awful than it once would have been.

I think perhaps that you have you have to learn to live with yourself, and I think perhaps, that despite the mishaps, that’s still what I’m managing to do. Is it perfect? Well no, its mostly mental. But day by day I’m learning that there is a way to content yourself with that.

Meanwhile in other news it’s going to take me at least three million years to catch up on all the blogs I know and love and another squillion to discover all the new ones. Bear with me….

Love you all lots like Jelly Tots,

WeeGee xoxoxoxo

Posted in Welcome to my world

IRL Update

Posted on by WeeGee

 

I can’t believe how much time has passed since my last post. I’m not entirely sure what I’ve mostly been being in the time that’s intervened apart from maybe busy and very definitely not blogging….

One thing’s for sure – it’s been all go here in WeeGee land, which seems to be the norm all of a sudden. In the few short years since I started blogging I seem to have transformed from a small, quiet, insignificant person who just wanted to hide in her bed into a small, quiet significant person who occasionally wishes that she actually had any time to hide in her bed. Maybe that’s the only difference between me when I’m well and me when I’m not well. I don’t know, I guess I’m still trying to figure that one out.

The move seems like a dim and distant memory – we’ve been here almost two months now but if you told me we’d been here FOREVER it wouldn’t seem like an outlandish claim. Fleet became home without me even realising it, and living with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five hasn’t really been the challenge I was expecting. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had our moments, but for the most part we’re just rubbing along together the way we always did. I can’t imagine a time that’ll ever change but I can’t help being on my guard against things suddenly changing. On the one hand that could be a bad thing, but on the other hand all it really means is that I’m aware and that I’m willing to put the work in. I think he is too. So that’s all right then, isn’t it?

Of course there’s the new job to mention. What can I say? Starting a new job is one of the oddest things you can do because for the first few days EVERYTHING is odd. The people are odd, the technology is odd, the office is odd, even the tea making facilities are odd. Of course it’s only odd because it’s different from the old place and in no time at all it’s the old place that seems odd. Such is the nature of change I guess. I’ve only been in the job for a couple of weeks and it still feels new and it still feels odd but I also feel like it’s going to be AWESOME and not just because they use SharePoint properly and have some excellent records management software for me to play with….

Anyway – as far as the IRL update goes, that pretty much covers the headlines. I’m aware that I should think about doing an ‘in WeeGee’s head’ update at some point soon but I don’t think I’m quite ready yet. For the most part everything is absolutely fine, mostly because of the IRL stuff. But there’s this other part, it’s only a teeny tiny little part – the broken part, I guess. Recently, I’ve been thinking that it never goes away. There’s a hole at the heart of me, and it’s always there, no matter how small…..

Meanwhile in other news there is nothing else to report today save that I love you all lots like Jelly Tots.

WeeGee xoxoxo

 

 

 

 

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

Excuse me…. You. Are. Annoying. Me.

Posted on by WeeGee

Since last I wrote I have mostly been feeling guilty about not writing. I’ve got at least a million and one half written posts kicking about in draft form, and another three squillion notes to try and make sense of but when it came down to it my head was too busy being empty, and I was too busy being busy and every post I tried to write turned in to yet another post that simply wasn’t meant to be….. I’m not sure I’ve got too much to say yet but I’m going to give it a go anyway….

blogw4

Believe it or not it’s been four whole weeks since the big move. Surbiton is no more, living by myself is no more, my lovely little flat is no more, and WeeGee’s old life is pretty much no more. To be honest I think it took a little while for the enormity of things to start to sink in. There was so much to do – leading up to the move, during the move, and after the move – that my poor old broken brain didn’t have so much as a minute to figure out what the hell was hitting it. I think it would be fair to say that the last week or so has been quiet, hidey, and thoughtful because when so much hits your brain all at once it’s hardly surprising that you need a bit of quiet, hidey and thoughtful time to make sense of it all.

Things have changed in my life and even although I am one hundred percent sure that the changes have been for the better I still felt like I needed to recalibrate to how things are now. Changes rarely happen over night and where I am right now has been a very long time coming. I had to get better, I had to get to know myself and I had to find the courage to let other people know me too. I had to be brave enough to make some BIG decisions and strong enough to stand by them. I had to leap and wait to see if the net was going to appear. Thankfully it did but now I feel like I need to step back and take a few deep breaths.

A while ago I wrote about how everything in my life was up for grabs – where I lived, who I lived with, how I lived, and how I went about making that living. It seemed bonkers at the time because I liked where I lived, and who I lived with* and how I lived and how I made my living. As for now – well, it’s all changed and I definitely like it a whole lot better now. As for what next – it’s time for a new routine, and different plans and most of all it’s about my future. I don’t know what it’s going to be like but for the first time in a very long time I’m looking forward to every single minute of it…..

Meanwhile in other news I would like to report that Mr Awesome Thing Number Five does indeed have a number of annoying habits that I’m doing my very best to learn to live with.

blogw5

Nothing else to report today save that it’s okay, because I know I have just as many, if not more, annoying habits than him.

blogw6

Love you all lots like Jelly tots,

 

WeeGee xoxox

 

*Which was myself and my cat. What else does a WeeGee need?!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

Hard work, but good work

Posted on by WeeGee

Since last I wrote I have mostly been being busy. I have also mostly been being without broadband – for TWENTY WHOLE DAYS. I swear to god you cannot begin to imagine how TRULY AWFUL that actually was. I spent days and days of my life trying not to be sarcastic to the tech dudes on the phone, but they were TOTAL freaking idiots and they were VERY VERY lucky not to get a poke in the chuffing eye….

blog tech

Anyways – I’m back online now*, I’ve written my highly sarcastic email of complaint, and I’m starting to run out of busy so I decided that now was as good a time as any for a little update from WeeGee land.

I suppose the headline is that I’m all moved in and pretty much settled here in the new place with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five and, to cut a long story short, it’s AWESOME. Don’t get me wrong, the unpacking was a right royal pain in the backside, and there are still a few stray boxes kicking about but, you know, it feels a lot like home and he and I are rubbing along quite nicely together. We’re a pretty good team when all’s said and done.

I won’t lie – all this living together stuff is making for one heck of an adjustment. I knew I’d gotten used to living by myself, and I knew living with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five was going to be a HUGE change and a HUGE challenge. I’m working hard to mitigate, to make allowances, to compromise. I’m also working hard to look after myself and to give myself the priorities and space that I need. The thing is, it feels like working hard is worth every single ounce of effort it takes at the moment. Put simply – I’m having to work at life right now but life is good regardless.

It’s been a while since my last post and I’m a little rusty at this blogging lark so this was only ever going to be a short one. Will it do?

I’ll be back again in no time at all, just you wait and see. In the meantime, here’s a pretty little song:

Love you all lots like jelly tots

WeeGee xoxo

 

 

 

*Praise be

 

Posted in Recovery?

What the heartbreak left behind

Posted on by WeeGee

Since last I wrote I have mostly been being sentimental because when all’s said I’m done the WeeGee is nothing if not a sentimental old fool….

As I write I’m sitting in my packed up living room, trying to come to terms with the fact that it very nearly isn’t my living room anymore. It’s worth mentioning, I think, that tonight is the LAST EVER night I will spend alone in this little flat that I’ve come to call home.

I moved in here a little over three years ago at a time when (and I don’t mean to be melodramatic) it felt like my whole life was falling apart. It wasn’t just that a relationship had come to an end – although with hindsight I know that the grief that came with that was a large part of it – I’d lost friendships, support structures, routines, every single reference point that I thought I could rely on. I was all at sea and there was no shore, or at least no shore that I could find. I’d been lost before, plenty of times in fact, but when I moved here I was lost in a whole new way – mostly because I was lost alone.

Of course the heartbreak subsided because that’s what it does – it was that thing that people talked about when it first happened ‘time’. I didn’t believe them then and if it happened all over again I still wouldn’t believe them because the heart doesn’t learn lessons nearly as well as the brain does. I guess you need the time to happen before you believe it’s going to help.

Once the heartbreak was over I didn’t feel like I’d been left with very much – a silent flat and a WeeGee who not only had no idea who she was anymore but who also didn’t really care was pretty much all I had in my head for the longest time. It was the worst of me – the worst of who I’ve been and worst of who I can be. Everything was nothing and it wasn’t so much that I wanted to be dead. I just didn’t care one way or another. My brain has taken me to some spectacularly awful places but this was the first time that I didn’t feel that I had anything to get better for. I’d been unwell before, sure, but there had always been people around to save me. This time, all I had was myself and I’d never much cared for her

Needless to say, I’ve learned an awful lot since I moved to Kingston. I learned how to be with myself, and how to let myself be who I am, and, to a certain extent, how to forgive myself. I’ve learned how to put one foot in front of the other JUST FOR ME. Most importantly of all, I’ve learned how to save myself from the worst my brain has to throw at me.

I thought I was going to hate living alone, and for a long time, I did. But eventually I realised that I needed to be alone because I’d become so used to fitting in around other people that I had no idea how to be me when the other people weren’t around anymore. On reflection, maybe that’s the most important lesson I learned here: I matter. And I matter whether there is anyone else in my life or not.

—

At this point, it seems worth a bit of fast forwarding because the time I spent alone, coming to terms with myself and working out who I might be if I ever grow up put me in a new place. It put me in a place where I was ready to meet Mr Awesome Thing Number Five, who, I would like to put on record, is the love of my life. I don’t love Mr Awesome Thing Number Five because he loves me and I don’t adapt myself or lose anything of me in loving him. I bring as much to his life as he brings to mine – I’ve never had that before because I never cared enough for myself before. I’ve always been too willing to please and too quick to compromise no matter what the consequences. Who knew that you had to learn to love yourself before you could make space to love any one else?

—

Living in this little flat gave me my life back and helped me to learn lessons that I might not otherwise have learned. What it also did is give me the opportunity to move on sensibly in a grown up and deeply loving relationship that has a future. Being heartbroken seems like a lifetime ago but it gave me things that I never thought I would have. Nothing you ever feel is wasted; everything you survive is significant. Hope is the most important thing of all.

Lots of love, WeeGee xoxoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

Guacamole

Posted on by WeeGee

Since the last time I wrote I have mostly been being wide awake.

To be fair, insomnia and I are pretty well acquainted – it’s been part of my life for as long as I can remember. I suppose it started during my late teens and took firm root when I was at University, but I’m pretty sure it was present even before that. Then again, I’m not sure how much of that was only a little girl who loved her book so much that she didn’t want the story to end just yet….

Insomnia 1

Sometimes being wide-awake when the rest of the world is asleep is whatever the opposite of AWESOME is. Sometimes it feels like the biggest injustice that you’ve ever been dealt. Sometimes, most notably when your brain is in “I know, let’s jump out the window” mode, it feels pretty bloody dangerous. But sometimes, insomnia isn’t really as bad as all that. So long as you manage to get enough sleep to function* being awake in those silent, threadbare hours can actually be something of a blessing in disguise. Then again, maybe I’m only saying that because I’m a seasoned insomniac who knows the wide-awake club drill inside out.

Over the years I’ve learned a lot about dealing with sleeplessness. Warm baths, cool rooms, calm and quiet bedrooms: there is NOTHING I can’t tell you about ‘sleep hygiene’. And of course there’s self-soothing and mindfulness to throw in to the mix because is there anything mental that doesn’t need a spot of self-soothing and mindfulness throwing at it already? Sometimes one of those things, or a combination of those things will work but other times there’s only one thing for it – you just have to accept that you are awake and put the time to good use. Which is what I’ve been trying to do these past few days.

My brain is busy at the moment. I’ve got all kinds of things swimming around in my head – stuff about the move, stuff about work, stuff about the past, and stuff about the future. Stuff, stuff and triple stuff. And as much as I know that it’s the stuff that’s keeping me awake, I also know that I’m not going to sort the stuff out during the day what with the people, and the noise, and the life going on around me. So, when you’re tucked up in your bed sending up the zs? I’m busy putting my head in order and lining up my ducks. Trust me, the thinking time insomnia gives me is what’s keeping me sane at the moment. Plus, if I run out of thinking to do, there’s always the Internet.

Insomnia 2

Anyhoo….. Apart from the whole chronically awake thing, I’m doing remarkably well. The move is now ONE WEEK AWAY, there are still a million and one things to do, and it’s just starting to dawn on me that I’m leaving my beloved Kingston behind. I’m still monumentally rubbish at endings, and I still feel slightly tearful every time I remember that this particular chapter in my life is coming to an end. I came to Kingston to put myself back together so it does, and always will mean an awful lot to me. That said, I keep reminding myself that I wanted to put myself back together again so that I could go about living my life again, and this move, is the first big step on that particular journey.

Meanwhile in other news I’m pretty sure that once I’m all moved and settled** I’ll finally have the time and space to get back to regular blogging. At the moment I only manage to pop up every once in a while to let you know that I’m still here, that I’m still mental, and I’m still doing an AWESOME job of coping with stuff – there’s SO much else I want to share with you but right now, I just don’t have the space. Nothing else to report today save that I’ve been struck by how FANTASTIC and AWESOME my SUPER LOVELY blogging buddies are:

Insomnia 3

Oh – and just in case you’re still wondering where the title of this post comes into it I refer you to this song. It’s about insomnia. Sorta:

http://youtu.be/uGdpBZOv5gU

Love you all like lots and lots of jelly tots

WeeGee xoxoxox

*And believe me, you’d probably be surprised how little that is

**Next to no time, I’m sure :-/

Posted in About today

My secret is my silence

Posted on by WeeGee

Since last we spoke it’s been the usual mixture of highs, lows, and everything in between here in WeeGee land. Some things never change….

I think it would be fair to say that I’ve been trying to write this post for a little while. There have been a couple of unsuccessful attempts and at least of MILLION drafts in my head. It’s that same old thing again: I can make it make sense until I try to tell someone else about it at which point I start sounding like an alien from Planet Mental.

I had one of those odd little moments today. I was on my way home after my Mrs Mountain appointment. The sun was shining, the appointment was positive, and I was still all shiny happy shiny after a lovely little evening with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five. And then I started crying. At first it was just a few stray tears that were well hidden behind my sunglasses but before I knew it I found myself sitting on a wall sobbing. There might even have been the occasional howl. Eventually a kind dude stopped to ask if there was anyone he could call which, it turned out, was the only intervention I needed to help me pull all the disparate parts of myself together again.

I dispatched of kind dude fairly quickly – I mean, he was kind an all but I wasn’t much in the mood for conversation – crossed the road, bought a packet of cigarettes, returned to the ‘wailing wall’ and smoked two of them in quick succession thinking “Well….. that was a bit different wasn’t it?”

That pretty much sums up where I am at the moment: it’s all fine until you scratch at the surface because underneath the surface there’s a whole heap of crazy trying to leak out. Every so often I forget myself and wind up with a massive load of crazy to mop up.

The thing is, I can see what’s happening and I’m working as hard as I know how to stop it. Unravelling is such a weird thing – you can can see it, and see it, and see it, and then suddenly you can’t see it anymore because you’ve gone alien again. That’s EXACTLY where I’m trying not to get to.

It’s difficult – I’m not depressed and I’m not about to harm myself in anyway shape or form. At the same time I know I’m not right, and I know that might equal trouble. I’m detached from everything and especially from my life. There’s so much going on and it’s not that I don’t care, it’s more that I’m just an observer so what does it matter? There are things I need to do but instead of doing them I’m over focusing on the weird and the wonderful – a holiday in Orkney, a half baked idea for a business, what my new haircut might look like, penguins. Anything that isn’t reality.

I’m also a bit lost in that long forgotten idea that I let everyone down, and that everyone leaves in the end. I’m convinced that everyone hates me because, well because how could they do anything else? These are such old ideas and I thought I’d left them behind. I only half believe them but that seems like enough….

Do you know what? I’m completely terrified. This isn’t at all what I was hoping for because I thought I had my brain on side and that it would it would be happily ever after. Then again, perhaps I was being naïve to think that it was as easy as all that.

Anyhoo. I think that’s as far as I can go for now. I hope it sorta makes sense.

I’ll leave you with a song, because it’s traditional and sometimes songs say it better anyway….

Meanwhile in other news I’m on a massive high horse about UKIP at the moment at the moment, because they’re deplorable and stuff. Nothing else to report today save that I love you all like jelly tots. Which is A LOT,

 

WeeGee xoxoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Moving forwards

A very particular kind of post

Posted on by WeeGee

This is a very particular kind of post. It’s an ‘it’s pretty late, and I’ve been faffing around all evening, and if I don’t get this post out now I don’t know if I’ll ever find the time’ kind of a post….. Like I said, a very particular kind of post.

I have to start with an explanation, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say, I have to start with a clarification. I need to make it clear that when I mentioned the unpleasant stuff that’s been going on on WordPress in my last post I WAS NOT passing any judgements, or taking any sides, or professing that I knew better than anyone else. All I was really trying to say was that I’d been bothered by the whole thing – by what happened, by how it unfolded, and the by way it ended up.

All any of us can ever do is what we think is right and, for the most part, it’s perfectly okay for us to differ. I did receive one comment on the subject which I chose not to approve – but that choice wasn’t about censorship, or not allowing other views to come to the fore. I just didn’t feel that it was necessary to have the discussion, and I certainly didn’t feel my blog was the right place to do it.

And that REALLY is all I’ve got to say about the matter. This is me drawing my own little line under it:

_____________

Anyway – did you all notice that my blog has A BRAND NEW THEME? I kinda like it and I hope that you do too…..

Thoughts? Comments? Indifference?

It was always going to be a short one what with it being late, and it being a very particular kind of post and all. The headline is that WeeGee is a chipper WeeGee again and I’ve got some VERY EXCITING blogging news to share with you VERY SOON. It’s properly exciting. You’re going to love it. This, by the way, is me TRYING TO HYPE SOMETHING UP so you all get as excited as me……. Are you excited yet?!

Meanwhile in other news since last I mentioned minor TV obsessions I’ve done five seasons of 24 and fallen a little bit in love with Jack Bauer. Nothing else to report save that this is the end of the very particular kind of post.

Oh. I almost forgot to mention. It’s penguin awareness day today. So you know, be aware and stuff:

images

Love you lots and lots like jelly tots and tots,

WeeGee

Posted in Moving forwards

The infinite sadness of all things

Posted on by WeeGee

I’m not entirely sure where the title of this post came from. In my head it was the title of a book, or a song, or maybe even a line from a book of a song. In the end, not even my expert googling skills could find its origin so it looks like my brain just went and made it up. Which isn’t entirely surprising when you come to think of it.

Since last I wrote I have mostly been having a mild case of the doomy gloomies. Nothing serious, you understand – just that heavy, hopeless, tiresome kind of feeling that pops along every so often to mess with your alien brain. In all fairness the doomy gloomies didn’t exactly come from nowhere. In fact, there were at least three separate contributory factors:

Contributory factor number one: HORMONES – there was a time when I thought I’d never be well enough to have the right amount of the right hormones swimming about at the right time. Now I am well enough I have only one thing to say. Dear hormones, Kindly FUCK RIGHT OFF. Lots of love, WeeGee xox
Contributory factor number two: MIGRAINES – I’ve suffered from chronic migraines for the largest part of my adult life and they are officially rubbish, so rubbish in fact that I have only one thing to say. Dear migraines, Kindly FUCK RIGHT OFF. Lots of love, WeeGee xox
Contributory factor number three: JANUARY – I totally, absolutely, and wholeheartedly hate January so much that I have only one thing to say. Dear January…… You get the picture, right?

The good news is that the doomy gloomies seem to be over and done with now and, for the most part, I’m back to my jolly little self. To be fair, it wasn’t all bad because I had the opportunity to sit with myself and reflect on where I’ve been and where I am and where I’m going to and it was a really good exercise in PERSPECTIVE and important stuff like that. It took me an awful long time to get to the point where it became safe to do nothing other than sit with myself so in the main I’m looking at it as a reason to be cheerful. It’s time to move on, and put one foot in front of the other, and keep on keeping on. That’s what I do, because that’s what I’m good at doing.

Now seems as good a time as any for a couple of reminders. First up there’s Blog for Mental Health 2014. I hope you can find a spare five minutes to find out more and, if you are so inclined take part. I’ve been reading ALL of the pledges, slowly but surely and they’re all pretty cool – sad, happy, brave, funny, inspirational and basically EVERY DIFFERENT KIND OF AWESOME. It’s one of those things that it really is worth taking part in. I also wanted to send out a gentle reminder that all kinds of exciting things take place on How do you eat an elephant’s Facebook page. At the moment I’m taking part in 100 Happy Days and posting my pictures up there. That there is another thing that’s worth getting involved with, by the way. So far I’m really enjoying it – its helping to keep me grounded, and focused on the here and now, and generally engaged with the world round about me….

Before I go I wanted to pass the briefest of comments on the recent ‘stir’ here in the land of blog. I won’t go into the details, because the details aren’t mine to share but the whole thing bothered and upset me in an awful lot of different ways. As far as I can see something pretty unpleasant happened and that was followed by vigilantism, and an ‘outing’ and a judge judy and executioner* kind of thing. Which in my book is pretty unpleasant too. I’m the first to admit that I’m one of those bleeding heart liberals but you know, for every story there is another side and when those sides can’t be reconciled we have due process and the rule of law and justice. The trouble with justice is that we all get it. Even the really nasty people……..

Ho hum….

Meanwhile in other news I’m sitting with Mr Awesome Number Five who is watching soccer ball. And Get This: there’s a player who goes by the name of Noone. What an unfortunate name. Nothing else to report today save that I’m already bored of the soccer ball but it did give me the opportunity to get this post out. Swings and roundabouts and all that.

Love you all like lots and lots of Jelly Tots

WeeGee xoxoxo

*You’ve seen Hot Fuzz, right?

Posted in Blog for mental health 2014

Blog for mental health 2014

Posted on by WeeGee

When it comes to WordPress we mental folks tend to move in pretty small circles so I’m guessing that most of my readers will already have come across Blog For Mental Health 2014? If not it’s a fantastic project and I’d encourage you all to get involved because, you know, lots of voices are an awful lot louder than one. You can get the lowdown on BFMH 2014 here…..

2014 is the first year I’ve taken part in BFMH. I’ve always been aware of it and I’ve always wanted to be involved but somehow, I never seemed to get round to it. Until now. Here’s my pledge. I’m going to put it in bold because it’s VERY important:

I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.

Blog for mental health

I don’t need to tell you how important mental health is, or how much I believe with all of my heart that we need to embrace it, understand it, talk about it and sometimes, even scream and shout about it* Every single person on the planet has mental health whether it’s good, bad, or a mixture of the two and as far as I’m concerned that makes it very, very important to all of us.

Last year I took a bit of a leap of faith and shared my blog with everyone I know on Facebook. I decided that writing an anonymous blog didn’t square up with some of the things I believed about acceptance and stamping out stigma and so I wrote:

“My name is Gail, but you can call me WeeGee if you prefer. I love my cat, and Frank Turner, and I’m obsessed with Breaking Bad. I like taking pictures of dudes in red trousers and I’m a budding masterchef contestant***. Once upon a time, I starved myself within an inch of my life but I’m better now. Sometimes the darkness creeps in and I get depressed. Sometimes I worry so much that I think I’m going to explode. I take medication to regulate my mood and occasionally I don’t sleep for days at a time. I’m a total geek when it comes to politics and grammar and if I ever grow up I’m going to live in a cottage in Oxfordshire and grow pink roses in the garden. I’m one of those mental people. It’s important that I say it, but it isn’t even nearly the most important thing about me.”

I guess that’s the point I want to make – sometimes my broken brain takes over and I do mad, bonkers, reckless stuff but last year I resolved that wherever my wonky little brain decided it was going to take me that I would never let the symptoms, or the diagnosis, or any of the crazy define me. Because WeeGee has a truck load more than that going for her.

I thought i’d leave you with a song, because it used to be traditional, and this band have long been my go to band when the doom gloomies strike:

http://youtu.be/yS_DcqPkEYM

Love you all lots, like a billion jelly tots

WeeGee xoxoxo

*Note: if you’re planning on shouting and screaming about being mental you should proceed with caution. The normal people get a bit upset when mental people scream and shout in public……