Apparently you just have to complain on WordPress that you didn’t get one and then some kinda magic happens. Hurrah:
Love from WeeGee (What?! I was entitled to a badge so I’m bloomin’ well having it!)
Tag: Blogging
Doing it right?
I’ve decided that it’s about time I attempted something approaching coherent – I’ve been meaning to write about all kinds of things but thoughts keep getting in the way.
The first thing to say is that over the weekend I reached the rather dizzying heights of…. One hundred* followers here on WordPress. Wow! I thought it was particularly exciting to reach one hundred, because, you know, what’s not to like about a nice neat hundred? The only thing is I thought I got a a badge or something from WordPress but I didn’t. Poor me. Anyway, I can’t quite believe that one hundred human beings have stopped by my blog and decided they had a little bit of interest in reading the nonsense that comes out of my head. Like I said… wow!
The next thing to say is that despite my recent rocky patch I am still ‘functioning well’. Those were my GP’s*** words and I guess I agree insofar as that I continue to cling on and make a reasonable fist of dragging myself through things. I’m not sure that making a reasonable fist of dragging yourself through things ought to be seen as functioning well – it’s more a case of functioning in spite of things surely? Anyhow, I didn’t want to get into another argument with her so I let her have that one. I also didn’t bother respond to the ‘I’m not as discouraged as you are’ comment because I was too busy trying not to poke her in the eye for saying such a ridiculous thing. So I’m depressed and I’m discouraged and you’re not depressed** and you’re not discouraged? Who’d have thunk it? (By the way, I went to see my GP yesterday when I was very angry. About everything. And everybody….)
Needless to say the argument with my GP wasn’t really an argument at all because WeeGee doesn’t do confrontation in the real world**** it was more of a difference of opinion. The GPs opinion was that because I can ‘afford’ to pay for private counselling I should perhaps come off the NHS waiting list for CBT which, by the way, I have been on for twenty weeks now. WeeGee’s opinion was that it wasn’t so much a case of being able to ‘afford’ it as being so terrified of myself that I couldn’t ‘afford’ not to find a way to ‘afford’ it. WeeGee was also of the opinion that the GP seemed to have missed the whole point of the NHS which, as I’ve always understood it, is essentially free treatment at the point of need regardless of your ability to pay (Mini rant about the NHS and how we’re all going to hell in a hand cart what with the Tories and all officially over).
More than anything, I think I’ve hit a wall of frustration. I’m doing everything right, I really am. I’m taking my medication, I’m mindful, I’m eating, I’m exercising and above all else I’m trying very (very) hard. I keep my appointments with my GP, Mr Clever the psychiatrist and my own lovely counsellor Mrs Mountain and I take everything that they say on board*****. I’ve got mood charts, progress charts, lists and self help resources coming out of my ears. I haven’t topped myself yet. I’m doing everything right but none of it is getting any better. Actually it feels like it gets a little worse with every day that passes.
I honestly don’t know what to do next. Is it really just a case of waiting it out? Will it pass in time? Or is the problem that I’m maybe throwing too much at it? Or do I just think I’m doing it right when actually I’m doing it wrong?
Who knows? Answers on the back of a postcard.
Meanwhile in other news I have continued to keep up with the 10,000 step challenge even though I’ve been a bit mental and the Olympic torch passed through Kingston today. I was a little bit underwhelmed by the whole thing but I did enjoy listening to the couple next to me arguing about who was responsible for forgetting to put batteries in the camera. Nothing else to report today save that the sun is shining upon the UK which means I have a sunburnt nose****** and the Breaking Bad obsession in coming along quite nicely thank you very much.
Cheerio, WeeGee xx
*Then it went up to 101, which is less neat but does allow me to say that I have more than 100 followers
**To my knowledge. Perhaps I shouldn’t make assumptions like that – a lot of people probably don’t think I’m depressed either
***AKA Mrs Helpful, but I couldn’t bring myself to call her that today
****I do okay at it when I’m at work but I’m just acting
*****Unless it’s stupid
******When will I learn!
Fix me
Just so you know this isn’t going to be a particularly cheery one. Now you know….
You know how I love Frank Turner? Well here’s a Frank Turner song to get proceedings underway:
I love this song so very much for lots of different reasons, not least because I am of the delusional belief it’s actually about me. If only it was possible to ‘take away the part that hurts and let the rest remain’ things would be just fine and dandy for me. I’m not all rubbish, just a little bit rubbish. If I could just cut out the rubbish then I wouldn’t be rubbish at all. So yeah, fix me please.
I’ve been in hiding. It didn’t really occur to me that I was doing it until Mr Friendly pointed it out to me, mostly I think because it’s been a different kind of hiding. But I’ve been withdrawing from people, and things and from my blog – it all adds up to hiding, and I’m hiding because I simply can’t cope. Everything is futile and empty and there isn’t a point – to anything or to any of it. The only point is that you keep going even thought there isn’t a point. I can’t believe that I’m the only person who wonders why you keep on doing pointless things even though they’re pointless and there isn’t a point
I know what I need to do. I’ve had a broken brain for a very long time and, if nothing else, I know the drill. I don’t know why I’m not doing what I know I need to do. Maybe it’s that self sabotage button coming into play again? Or maybe it doesn’t matter whether I do what I need to do or not because it won’t change the fact that it’s pointless? I don’t suppose it matters because either way, I’m not going to do it, whatever it is. I know that much.
When I was a tiny little thing, I opened the back door of my parents’ house and a giant black bird fell out of the sky right before my very eyes and landed on the lid of the wheelie bin – stone dead. It should have been horrifying and maybe it was, in a way. But it also made a little bit of sense to me that a bird could just fall out of the sky like that, because even then I felt like I was right at the edge of something, ready to fall off.
Birds die and fall out of the sky; WeeGee lets go and falls off the edge of the world.
I told you it wasn’t going to be a cheery one, but hey – at least I’m not in hiding from my blog anymore…..
Lots of love from a tired but clinging on WeeGee xx
Tag round….. Ohh. I’ve lost count….
These are Bourbon at Crazy in the coconut’s questions:
What is your favourite YouTube video?
It’s probably this:
What is your signature dish?
Maybe Pavlova which is the only sweet dish I do. Or perhaps guacamole which is my latest obsession.
How did you come to choose your blog name?
Like so many things in my life, it comes from one of my dad’s sayings: ‘How do you eat an elephant? Bite by bite’. Which is really just to say you can overcome anything if you take it step by step…
How many languages can you speak?
Rather embarrassingly, only one fluently: English
What is your guilty pleasure?
Phil Collins. I know.
What is your favourite feature about yourself?
I’m not daft, in fact I think I’m quite clever(ish). That’ll do me.
If you were a fly on the wall for a day, which wall would you choose to sit on?
I’d sit on my own wall and maybe that way I could work out what on earth was going on in my head.
What is your first ever memory?
I’ve no idea, but nobody seems to believe me when I say that.
If you had to live in a different country from your own for a year, which country would it be?
I’d head to Madagascar to meet the frogs 🙂
What is the craziest outfit you’ve ever worn?
Erm? Dunno. Happen I might be wearing it right now!
How are you today?
I’m alright thank you very much.
Tag – round one squillion and two
Thanks to Undoing Crazy, I’m it again….
I’ve already posted the rules, made up some questions and tagged some folks so is it okay if I just answer the questions? I hope that isn’t a terrible cheat….
What kind of computer do you do your blogging on?
Usually I blog on my slightly crappy but ever reliable Acer latop, but sometimes I do it on my PC at work and less often on my iPhone.
If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
I know this isn’t really a superhero power, but I’d like to be a boy for a day. Just one, though, beyond that I imagine it’d all get a bit grubby. Sorry boys.
What is one thing you can’t live without?
Just one? Oh crumbs…..
I want to say a working Internet connection, because what is life without Google? But it should be something more meaningful, shouldn’t it?!
Could you recommend a good book please?
Of course, it’s a pleasure. How about Death and the penguin by Andrey Kurkov? It’s funny, sweet, quirky and incredibly brilliant. I’ve got lots more though if that doesn’t work for you….
What’s the best advice you’ve been given regarding treatment of your mental illness?
It sounds so daft, but when the chips are really down for me my dad always says, “just you keep your head WeeGee” in his broad Glaswegian accent and it always helps. The second best advice I’ve had is “put your shoes on and leave your flat”.
Are you a Starbucks person? If so, what is your favorite drink or treat?
No. I’m not a Starbucks person mostly because I don’t drink coffee anymore.
Do you have a special spot you go to to blog?
Not really, although a lot of my ideas are formed walking down by the river.
What is one thing you are proud of?
I’m exceptionally proud of the qualifications I have, all of which I completed whilst being bonkers, nutty and/or mental. It took me a little bit longer than it should have done to get to where I got, but the main thing is – I got there!
What is your favorite car?
I just don’t have one I’m afraid. I live in London so I suppose my favourite car is my legs.
What would you do if you could do anything?
Honestly. If I could do anything I’d just make myself okay. I’d probably make everyone I have met on WordPress okay too, because I can do anything, right?
What should I ask if I really want to get to know you?
You should just ask me who I think I am and then listen. Either that or you could ask me about summer 1997 but I almost certainly won’t tell you 😛
Much love, WeeGee xxx
A seal of approval
Okay -so this one has pleased me. The Depressed Moose has made me one of two inaugural recipients of a brand new award. Hurrah. It pleases me because a) its new, b) it’s an award, and c) I’m a bit needy so a seal of approval goes a long way….
Here’s the award:
And, as I’ve already mentioned I recieved this from a rather lovely (if depressed) Moose called Garry. I suspect a Moose would never meet an elephant in the wild, but it seems to be going okay for us thus far….
Here are the questions and my responses:
If a film was made about your life what would the title be?
It’s only a matter of time before there is a film of my life, surely? I think I’d like it to be called ‘Becoming WeeGee’. I just would.
Who would play you? (Can be an actor/actress that is dead or alive)
It would have to be Scarlett Johansson owing to the striking resemblance she bears to me. Ahem.
What genre would the film be?
It certainly would be a comedy, but probably a kinda bittersweet one.
Who would direct the film?
Maybe Noah Baumbach? Or maybe I’d just do it myself to deal with all my control freakery stuff.
Who would play the love interest in the film?
Does there have to be a love interest? Films are like real life as far as I’m concerned: better without ‘love interests’. Yes. I’m bitter and twisted. So what….
If there really has to be one, I’ll have this guy (but I’ll be playing myself if this particular scenario unfolds):
Morgan Parra (AKA the little French kicker)*
Which song would feature most heavily in the film?
The soundtrack would be the complete works of [Sir] Frank Turner and the most prominent song would be this one:
If you could have played a part from any film what would that be?
Obviously, it would be the mad woman in the attic in any of the many film adaptations of Jane Eyre…. I’d do a good job of that.
Ta ta for now, WeeGee xxx
*Two pictures was gratuitous, I know. But in my defence I couldn’t help it!
A WeeGee award ceremony
I’m in a funny old mood today, so rather than inflicting it on you lot, I thought I’d take my mind off it by writing an awards post. I like blogging awards – I think they’re a nice little token of mutual respect, and I enjoy answering the questions (and reading the answers) that come with them.
The Daisy Award
* Thank the person who nominated you
I was nominated by Angel Fractured so…. thank you very much Angel Fractured. Angel fractured keeps not just one, but two lovely blogs and you should probably visit them both if you’re not already familiar.
* Tell your readers 7 unusual things about yourself
- I have never seen any of the films from the Star Wars or Alien franchises and I have now reached a point in my life when I never will because saying I’ve never seen them is surely far more interesting than sitting and watching them?
- I experience mental health problems which is only a little bit unusual since such problems affect one on four of us. (Probably more if you are reading my blog!) The thing is, some people still seem to think that a mental health problem marks you out as different and weird, which clearly, it doesn’t.
- I suffer from psoriasis which in itself is only a bit rarer than being mental. However, the kind of psoriasis I have is an awful lot rarer than being mental – so much so that a dermatologist is writing a whole paper about the behaviour of my strange skin as we speak….. Fame at last.
- I speak with three distinct accents depending on who I’m talking to or on my mood:
- Plummy southern: It is allllriaght, isn’t it daarling?
- Midland: its awwwright, int’ it duck?
- Glaswegian: it’s awrit init pal?
- In my life I have never started reading a book and not finished it with only two notable exceptions:
- The Mill on the Floss
- The Shipping News
- I can’t do jigsaw puzzles. My brain just won’t work that way.
- I can do an uncanny impression of Gollum from the Lord of the Rings films…. it gives grown men the heebie-jeebies.
* Nominate some worthy bloggers
I’d like to nominate two bloggers who are both, like me, quite new to this whole blogging thing. Both blogs are interesting, engaging and (I hope they won’t mind me saying because I mean it in a kind way) are about being mental amongst other things:
And then I’d like to make a special Daisy award to Brandic at Nothinginmynoggin because I love her blog, because I want to and because I can:
“Dear Brandic, ‘Chin up chumley’ (ps that’s a very British saying), Love from WeeGee xx”
The Inspirational Blogger Award
The very inspirational and very lovely Roxy at AdverseUniverse put me forward for this one. If you don’t already follow Roxy – seriously, why not? She’s very lovely and very inspirational and she’s incredibly brave to boot. Thanks lovely (I promise not to swear in my acceptance speech)
The nice thing about the Inspirational Blogger Award is that there don’t seem to be any rules, so you can just make them up as you go along. I’m good at winging it so this one is right up my street 🙂
First up I’m going to nominate three inspirational blogs:
- The Quiet Borderline: The Quiet Borderline is amazing. It doesn’t seem to matter how difficult things get for her, she manages to write beautiful and insightful posts and she just seems to keep keeping on in the face of adversity. She truly is an inspiration.
- Magically Mad: Magically Mad is also amazing. She says the kindest things which help you through your bleakest of moments, even though things are pretty bleak for her. She’s one of life’s all round good eggs.
- Hello Sailor: It must get boring for Sailor getting nominated for so many awards, but I don’t think she realises just how special she is, so I’m chucking this one at her too in the hope she will eventually realise it. Her blog is absolutely beautiful and she is a huge source of inspiration for me, and I imagine, countless others.
In celebration of this award, I thought I’d post a couple of photos of my cat (the best cat in the world). Well you know? There are no rules and I am a mad cat lady when it comes down to it.
The best cat in the world (ps. sorry they’re all different sizes and rubbish quality, I’m not much of a photographer and they were all taken with differnt phones):
Errors and omissions
It has been brought to the editor’s attention* that the post ‘Mixed up things’ of the 11th July 2012 contained a factual error.
The ageing magician famed for the catch-phrase you’ll like this but not a lot’ was of course Paul Daniels:
Who should not be confused with the ageing mod Phil Daniels:
Sorry about that. The editor is mortified
*Thank you to Madness42 and Sailor for their diligent knowledge of ageing magicians and/or ageing mods.
A quick one!
Okay, so help! Which one of you lovely lot posted a link to a video by ‘Jimmy somebody’ who was rather beautiful and very talented in a musical way? Please remind me because my reader is broken and I need to know his surname 🙂
A couple of bloggers save the day
I thought I was going to have to write another of those ‘woe is me, I hate myself and I want a pie’ posts today. But then along came two lovely bloggers with a couple of awards* for me. Now I can write an awards post instead. Yay!
Firstly, the very marvellous Dotty the Headbanger at Notes from a she hermit sent this one my way:
I received this award for being the first person to beat Dotty…. quite an honour really. The only thing is I’m not entirely convinced that I did actually beat Dotty – it was more a case of me being a smart arse about grammar**.
Anyway, if you’re reading this Dotty thank you from the bottom of my heart and I still feel rotten about making you sob (p.s. did you stop sobbing yet?)
Then the equally marvellous Casey, over at Tiptoeing around the abyss nominated me for the Versatile Blogger award.
1. Add the award to your blog:
2. Thank the blogger who gave it to you and include a link to their blog – See above
3. Mention 7 random things about yourself – See below
4. List the rules – See this
5. Give the award to 15 or more bloggers – 15 is too many, no? I’m going to pick three because I like things to come in groups of three.
1. Brandic at Nothing in my noggin – because the blog is lovely, she is lovely, and she has an excellent collection of jokes
2. Hello Sailor – because the blog is lovely, she is lovely, and she has a habit of making me smile
3. Dotty the Headbanger at – Notes from a she hermit because the blog is lovely, she is lovely and because I’m trying to make amends for the smart arse incident (I know she won’t accept, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
For the 7 random things, I’m going to tell you seven things I hate. Because that’s the kind of mood I’m in.
1. I hate Jamie Oliver. I hate Jamie Oliver because he simultaneously claims never to have read a book in his life and to have a written a couple of them himself. One, if not both of those claims is a porky pie. Plus, someone who is proud of the fact they have never read a book is deserving of my hatred for that fact alone.
2. On a similar note, I hate people who have read Fifty Shades of Utter Crap*** and claim that it is brilliant. Here’s a quote from one of my ‘friends’ on Facebook. [Fifty Shades of Utter Crap is] the first book I have read since school – read it it’s BRILLIANT’ Thanks very much for the recommendation but, do you know what? I won’t read**** it and it isn’t BRILLIANT because it’s an Utter Pile of Crap and there’s nothing BRILLIANT about that. Here’s a recommendation for you – shut your face thank-you please.
3. I hate the Man Who Knows/The Biggest Idiot In The World Ever. If you want to know why, I refer you to his monikers, particularly the latter on.
4. I hate cold callers who disturb me in my own home when I’m having a nice little maddy all to myself and then proceed to say my name wrong. My surname is Laughlan, which, just in case you don’t know is Scottish and is pronounced Lochhhhhlan (as if you’re gently clearing your throat). It is not pronounced in any of the following ways:
• Lafflan: people who say Lafflan get ‘It’s Lochhhhhlan actualy’ in my best snooty voice
• Lahooolan: people who say Lahooolan are told that ‘there is no one here by that name’ in my best snooty voice
• Maclochhhlan: these people are asked ‘where the M came from and told to learn to read’ in my best snooty voice
Finally there was the person who said ‘Can I speak to Miss Lllll (baffled pause).. How do you say your name’? She got told to eff off and I didn’t bother being snooty about it. Blinkin’ cheek.
5. I hate BT because it took them six months to refund £20 credit on my bill when I moved house. I hate them even more because, despite being told they were speaking to Miss Laughlan they insisted on calling me Mrs ‘the name of my ex boyfriend who had broken my heart’ when I was trying to get the money back. I hate them still more because I got sick of speaking to ‘David’ ‘Bob’ and ‘Ken’ in India – not because they werein India per se, but because they told me they were called David/Bob/Ken which they clearly weren’t owing to the fact they were in India.
Here is an excerpt from a conversation I had with David/Bob/Ken during those dark days of trying to get my money back:
Me: I just need you to issue a cheque to me at my new address
BT: I can’t do that without the authorisation of Mr {Insert name of ex boyfriend who broke my heart}. I just need to speak to him to confirm everything.
Me: Okay (silence)
BT: Okay. Am I speaking to Mr {Insert name of ex boyfriend who broke my heart}?
Me: (clearly feminine voice) Yes
BT: (thoughtful pause) Are you sure?
Arseholes.
6. I hate people who use ‘literally’ incorrectly. Here’s an example: it’s literally raining cats and dogs’. No. It isn’t ‘literally’ raining cats and dogs. If it was ‘literally’ raining cats and dogs you’d probably be speaking to the local newspaper, not me. I also hate people who use ‘ironically’ incorrectly – here’s the thing, there is nothing ironic about the bus arriving just as you get to the bus stop. That’s just lucky, okay? By the way, in my view, anyone who says ironical instead of ironic should be poked in the eye.
7. Finally I hate moths and mushrooms***** I hate moths because they flap around in your face plotting to murder you and because they scare the absolute shit out of me for the aforementioned reasons. Regular readers will be familiar with my thoughts on mushrooms. If it’s any consolation I complain about mushrooms in real life just as much as I do on my blog, which at least means I’m consistent.
The end.
Much love to counter all the hatred, Wee Gee.
*Of course I’m accepting the awards because I’m a bit vain like that
**Because I have a habit of being a smart arse about grammar. I know it’s unbecoming but it’s a compulsion – I really can’t help it, even though I’m not always perfect about it myself.
***I think the real title is Fifty Shades of Grey
****I don’t have to read it to know it’s an Utter Pile of Crap because I saw Jerry talking about it on Newsnight and that is proof enough for me.
*****Two things, I know, but in my mind they are inseparable when it comes to the list of things Wee Gee hates.
How do you eat an elephant? 