Tag: Eating disorders

Posted in Moving forwards

The infinite sadness of all things

Posted on by WeeGee

I’m not entirely sure where the title of this post came from. In my head it was the title of a book, or a song, or maybe even a line from a book of a song. In the end, not even my expert googling skills could find its origin so it looks like my brain just went and made it up. Which isn’t entirely surprising when you come to think of it.

Since last I wrote I have mostly been having a mild case of the doomy gloomies. Nothing serious, you understand – just that heavy, hopeless, tiresome kind of feeling that pops along every so often to mess with your alien brain. In all fairness the doomy gloomies didn’t exactly come from nowhere. In fact, there were at least three separate contributory factors:

Contributory factor number one: HORMONES – there was a time when I thought I’d never be well enough to have the right amount of the right hormones swimming about at the right time. Now I am well enough I have only one thing to say. Dear hormones, Kindly FUCK RIGHT OFF. Lots of love, WeeGee xox
Contributory factor number two: MIGRAINES – I’ve suffered from chronic migraines for the largest part of my adult life and they are officially rubbish, so rubbish in fact that I have only one thing to say. Dear migraines, Kindly FUCK RIGHT OFF. Lots of love, WeeGee xox
Contributory factor number three: JANUARY – I totally, absolutely, and wholeheartedly hate January so much that I have only one thing to say. Dear January…… You get the picture, right?

The good news is that the doomy gloomies seem to be over and done with now and, for the most part, I’m back to my jolly little self. To be fair, it wasn’t all bad because I had the opportunity to sit with myself and reflect on where I’ve been and where I am and where I’m going to and it was a really good exercise in PERSPECTIVE and important stuff like that. It took me an awful long time to get to the point where it became safe to do nothing other than sit with myself so in the main I’m looking at it as a reason to be cheerful. It’s time to move on, and put one foot in front of the other, and keep on keeping on. That’s what I do, because that’s what I’m good at doing.

Now seems as good a time as any for a couple of reminders. First up there’s Blog for Mental Health 2014. I hope you can find a spare five minutes to find out more and, if you are so inclined take part. I’ve been reading ALL of the pledges, slowly but surely and they’re all pretty cool – sad, happy, brave, funny, inspirational and basically EVERY DIFFERENT KIND OF AWESOME. It’s one of those things that it really is worth taking part in. I also wanted to send out a gentle reminder that all kinds of exciting things take place on How do you eat an elephant’s Facebook page. At the moment I’m taking part in 100 Happy Days and posting my pictures up there. That there is another thing that’s worth getting involved with, by the way. So far I’m really enjoying it – its helping to keep me grounded, and focused on the here and now, and generally engaged with the world round about me….

Before I go I wanted to pass the briefest of comments on the recent ‘stir’ here in the land of blog. I won’t go into the details, because the details aren’t mine to share but the whole thing bothered and upset me in an awful lot of different ways. As far as I can see something pretty unpleasant happened and that was followed by vigilantism, and an ‘outing’ and a judge judy and executioner* kind of thing. Which in my book is pretty unpleasant too. I’m the first to admit that I’m one of those bleeding heart liberals but you know, for every story there is another side and when those sides can’t be reconciled we have due process and the rule of law and justice. The trouble with justice is that we all get it. Even the really nasty people……..

Ho hum….

Meanwhile in other news I’m sitting with Mr Awesome Number Five who is watching soccer ball. And Get This: there’s a player who goes by the name of Noone. What an unfortunate name. Nothing else to report today save that I’m already bored of the soccer ball but it did give me the opportunity to get this post out. Swings and roundabouts and all that.

Love you all like lots and lots of Jelly Tots

WeeGee xoxoxo

*You’ve seen Hot Fuzz, right?

Posted in Blog for mental health 2014

Blog for mental health 2014

Posted on by WeeGee

When it comes to WordPress we mental folks tend to move in pretty small circles so I’m guessing that most of my readers will already have come across Blog For Mental Health 2014? If not it’s a fantastic project and I’d encourage you all to get involved because, you know, lots of voices are an awful lot louder than one. You can get the lowdown on BFMH 2014 here…..

2014 is the first year I’ve taken part in BFMH. I’ve always been aware of it and I’ve always wanted to be involved but somehow, I never seemed to get round to it. Until now. Here’s my pledge. I’m going to put it in bold because it’s VERY important:

I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.

Blog for mental health

I don’t need to tell you how important mental health is, or how much I believe with all of my heart that we need to embrace it, understand it, talk about it and sometimes, even scream and shout about it* Every single person on the planet has mental health whether it’s good, bad, or a mixture of the two and as far as I’m concerned that makes it very, very important to all of us.

Last year I took a bit of a leap of faith and shared my blog with everyone I know on Facebook. I decided that writing an anonymous blog didn’t square up with some of the things I believed about acceptance and stamping out stigma and so I wrote:

“My name is Gail, but you can call me WeeGee if you prefer. I love my cat, and Frank Turner, and I’m obsessed with Breaking Bad. I like taking pictures of dudes in red trousers and I’m a budding masterchef contestant***. Once upon a time, I starved myself within an inch of my life but I’m better now. Sometimes the darkness creeps in and I get depressed. Sometimes I worry so much that I think I’m going to explode. I take medication to regulate my mood and occasionally I don’t sleep for days at a time. I’m a total geek when it comes to politics and grammar and if I ever grow up I’m going to live in a cottage in Oxfordshire and grow pink roses in the garden. I’m one of those mental people. It’s important that I say it, but it isn’t even nearly the most important thing about me.”

I guess that’s the point I want to make – sometimes my broken brain takes over and I do mad, bonkers, reckless stuff but last year I resolved that wherever my wonky little brain decided it was going to take me that I would never let the symptoms, or the diagnosis, or any of the crazy define me. Because WeeGee has a truck load more than that going for her.

I thought i’d leave you with a song, because it used to be traditional, and this band have long been my go to band when the doom gloomies strike:

http://youtu.be/yS_DcqPkEYM

Love you all lots, like a billion jelly tots

WeeGee xoxoxo

*Note: if you’re planning on shouting and screaming about being mental you should proceed with caution. The normal people get a bit upset when mental people scream and shout in public……

Posted in Moving forwards

Not quite a normal post

Posted on by WeeGee

Since I last posted I have mostly been being back at work. After a VERY long time off…..

I think it’s fair to say that going back to work after the christmas break is tough for most people. For me it was only tough insofar as that I had to do sensible stuff like blow dry my hair, and put make-up on, and wear clothes that weren’t designed to be worn in bed. Apart from practical things like that WeeGee was completely and utterly DELIGHTED to go back to work because WeeGee was starting to miss her routine. And you know how WeeGee loves a spot of routine…….

Anyway – this is my second post of the new year and therefore the second post of Mission Blog 2014. It occurs to me that there are one or two things I need to take care of before I get back to regular blogging…. you know, like points of order, and the back story, and stuff like that.

The points of order section:

How do you eat an elephant?

I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve had a long hard think about the future of my blog. In some ways it didn’t feel fitting to carry on with it anymore and for a while there I thought about starting up again, somewhere new and anonymous. I’d shared my blog pretty widely, real people knew about it, and WeeGee wasn’t really WeeGee anymore. I wondered if I’d lost my hidey hole……

But I’m still here, and so is my blog because I decided that I’ve always viewed this as a journey, even in my very first post. I guess I’m just going to have to keep on going, on this journey, in this space. It wouldn’t make sense if I did it any other way……

How am I going to do this?

I’m not going to be blogging like I used to, you know, like hundreds of words every day. I can’t fit it in anymore because Real Life came along and intervened. The plan, as it stands, (and it might change) is to blog three times a week and to read blogs twice a week. I know it doesn’t sound like much but it’s all I’ve got….

New year, new blog.

Just a little word of warning, in case you’re in the habit of rambling around the various pages on my site….. For the next few weeks I’m going to be updating stuff so things might not be where you thought it would be – I’m hoping you’ll bear with me. If you’re not in the habit of rambling around the various pages on my site you can ignore this bit by the way.

The end of the points of order section.

The back story:

In some ways the back story is a straightforward, uncomplicated, as old as time, girl meets boy type of story. WeeGee met this guy, and fell head over heels, and it changed EVERYTHING. I suppose it sounds quite unremarkable when you put it like that. I mean what’s new? WeeGee meets a special person, and takes them to her heart, like she always does…….

The thing is, it is new, and it is remarkable because it isn’t really just girl meets boy – it’s WeeGee meets somebody she trusts; it’s WeeGee meets someone and thinks ‘he can bring as much to my life as I can bring to his’; it’s WeeGee meets someone and isn’t so preoccupied with the ending that she brings things to an end prematurely. I suppose what really happened was something good AND I’M LETTING IT HAPPEN.

Mr Awesome Thing Number Five has brought all kinds of things to my life and you know what, when I gave him his name I was spot on because he truly is awesome. He’s kind, and sweet, and patient, and he’s got these gorgeous dimples going on, and Gryff has decided he’s going to tolerate him, and he adores me. Which is just as well, because I adore him too.

I can’t really remember a time when I felt so much like myself, and in a large part, I have Mr Awesome Thing number five to thank for that. It’s not that he fixed me, or that he made me me again. It’s more that he helped me find that last little bit of confidence and strength I needed to get to where I needed to be.

I’m well aware that everything is sounding a bit peachy, and I don’t really mean to paint it that way. It took me a long time to find trust, and to make space, and to figure things out. Right now things are good but I know that I’m capable of trusting more deeply, and making more space, and figuring more stuff out. I think I’ve decided that I’m not one for resting on my laurels so as always it’s upwards and onwards for WeeGee…..

So there you have it: the points of order and the back story. I guess that means my next post will be a ‘normal’ post. Whatever on earth normal means anyway…….

Love you all lots like jelly tots xoxox

Posted in Moving forwards

One million and one reasons to be cheerful…..

Posted on by WeeGee

Good afternoon my lovely little chickadees. Is it okay to be so familiar? Do you even remember who I am?! It’s only WeeGee popping up to say ‘hello’ and let you know how I’ve been getting on. I hope you’ve all been keeping okay? I haven’t been hanging out on WordPress much these past few months so I’m afraid I’m way behind on all the news and gossip. A quick glance down my reader suggests that a lot has changed, but I’m pleased to see so many familiar faces and can’t wait to spend some time catching up on what’s been going on.

At this point it would be polite* to welcome all my new readers. I can’t believe how many of you have found my blog since I last logged in! Anyway you are all very welcome indeed. I hope you come to enjoy the weird and wonderful world of WeeGee – I’m really looking forward to getting to know you all a little better in the coming months.

I’m sorry my blog has been so quiet of late. There are all kinds of different reasons that things have been so sparse but I guess it would be fair to say that the biggest reason of all has been that things have changed. Of course when I say that things have changed it’s important to point out that things have very much changed for the better. More about that another day, but for now, I think it’s fair to say that I find myself having less time to blog and, to be honest, a little less to say for myself. I suppose also I’m less likely to turn to my blog when I do have things to get off my chest than I used to be. I’ve got other outlets now. That said, I miss blogging, and I miss my blogging buddies and so despite my long standing conviction that I don’t ‘do’ New Year’s resolutions I’ve decided to make myself a solemn little promise that my much neglected blog is going to be full to bursting in 2014!

For the most part broken brain is on best behaviour at the moment and I’m only a teeny tiny bit mental. To be honest I’m not entirely sure that anybody is going to be interested in what happens here in WeeGee land when those two rather novel circumstances collide but I thought I might as well give it a little go. How do you eat an elephant? will always be a blog about mental health but for now I think it’s going to be a blog about how I’m coping now the darkness and my wonky little brain have decided to leave me in peace for a while. In short it’s a blog about what happens when you survive the worst that your brain can throw at you, come out the other side, and discover what being alive is really all about.

It’s a long time since things have been extreme here in WeeGee land. I’ve been neither AWESOME nor contemplating jumping off a tall thing for what feels like an age. Sure, The Dreaded Jitters turn up every once in a while, I have days where I feel as bleak as bleak can be, and I have other days where things are all a bit bouncy and excitable. Things aren’t perfect, I’m still trying really hard to figure some stuff out, and there’s something fairly major on the horizon that really does have the potential for blowing my happy little bubble right out of the water. You know what though? Broken brain isn’t in the kind of place that it’s going to do any real damage and in spite of one or two grotty bits I have at least one million and one reasons to be cheerful. I’m content with that.

I think that’ll probably do for today. My blogging skills are a little rusty so I happen I’m going to ease myself back in to it……

I’ll see you all shortly.

Love you all lots and lots like Jelly Tots,

WeeGee xoxox

*Of course WeeGee is ALWAYS very polite

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Posted in About today, Recovery?

An update (because I couldn’t think of a better title)

Posted on by WeeGee

As always seems to be the case these days it’s been a while since last I blogged. I must confess that it’s been an awful lot longer since last I read any blogs. I think I might have gone and turned into a bad blogger, but then again and in my defence, there’s been an awful lot going on here in WeeGee land…….

The last time I popped up the crazy was leaking out of my ears. To be honest, I had a serious case of The Dreaded Jitters and there was so much noise in my head that the only thing I could think of to do was boo fucking hoo. I’m not jittery anymore and I’m bored with the whole boo fucking hoo thing, so I guess I should do what we mental blogging people tend to refer to as a ‘proper’ update.

So. How did I get to where a) I was and b) where I am now? That’s what you’re going to need to know if I’m going to do a ‘proper’ update, isn’t it?

I suppose I got to where I was because I took my eye off the proverbial* ball and let myself get a bit overwhelmed. Mostly, I think, I was overwhelmed with work stuff which was a pretty overwhelming thing to happen given that work has always been a constant, and often a means of keeping myself on the straight and narrow.

As to how I got back to here? Well I did my very best to remember that if you don’t like where you are there are two things you can do: 1. Change where you are or 2. Change the way you feel about where you are. Of course remembering wasn’t the hardest part, but I’ll spare you the ins and outs of the therapy – most of you know that for yourselves. The headline is that I’m putting a lot of time and effort into managing my feelings right now and (can we all please touch some wood) things are starting to come back together again.

It strikes me that now, when I have one of my little wobbles, I seem to get back to where I started with another tool in my kit bag. Sometimes it’s a dark journey, but I don’t think I’ll ever go back to my darkest days. Being mental is, for the most part, a pretty bum deal. But it isn’t all bad because recovery brings some special things with it – insight, and self awareness, and the understanding that there really isn’t anything your brain can chuck at you that you can’t survive.

I think that’s all I can write for now. I had a wobble, I’m less wobbly now, and I’ve remembered that I’m an active participant in the things that happen to me and this thing we call living.

Meanwhile in other news Mr Awesome Thing Number Five gets a little bit more AWESOME every day and I have a new minor TV obsession in Walking Dead. Nothing else to report save that it IS NOT A GOOD IDEA to chop chillies then pick your nose. Quite aside from the obvious hygiene implications it doesn’t half sting…..

When I’m all better and proper strong I’ll get back to reading your blogs. In the meantime I hope you’re doing well and I love you all like lots and lots of jelly tots.

WeeGee xoxoxo

*is the ball proverbial? I’m not convinced but it sounded right….

Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

The same jeans

Posted on by WeeGee

This post comes with rather a lot of warnings, the first being that it’s late at night and no-one ever really turns out their best work late at night. I’m also in the midst of the most ginormous wibbly wobbly wobble that I can remember in a long time, which isn’t going to make for easy reading.

Oh, and before you ask, this post has nothing to do with a pair of jeans unless of course we’re going to accept that WeeGee is having a ginormous wibbly wobbly wobble that she’s trying to pin on a pair of jeans even though the jeans have nothing to do with it. Welcome back to WeeGee land……

It all started a few weeks ago when it seemed that my life divided in two. On the one hand I had the whole ‘I’m doing well, it’ll all be fine’ thing going on – on the other it was all a bit ‘what the FUCK, this isn’t supposed to be happening and I’m not too sure what to do to make it right’. I suppose I should have spotted the problem coming down the tracks, but, you know, brains don’t really work like that, especially not alien brains. I’m not going to beat myself up about that.

Anyway – so there I was, wobbling about all over the place. On the one hand everything was fine, and on the other hand it really wasn’t but I was just about managing to ignore the crazy. And then the crazy started leaking out of my ears*

Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever been so crazy that the crazy leaked out of you ears. I mean, I hope not, because it SUCKS, but then again, at the very least, I’m hoping you’ll know what I’m talking about? For me, I guess, it was one of those moments when I was reminded that I’m not always going to be able to do this whole being alive thing by myself.

So, I did what it used to take me along time to do, and I asked for help.

In some ways I’m lucky. When I ask for help a whole support machine seems to swing in to place around me. But then again, that’s only because of where I’ve been, and what I’ve (somehow) managed to survive. But it’s there, and the most important thing I’ve discovered this week is that I can ask for it.

Tonight I’m feeling very quiet and frightened and, to be honest, a bit boo hoo. At the same time I’m proud because I’m trying to stop the worst of me from happening to myself. I’ve said so many times in my blog that dealing with crazy is about doing the right things even when they feel wrong. Now, I suppose, it’s time to put my money where my mouth is.

As for the jeans? Well they don’t matter at all, so I’m not going to talk about them other than to say that if clothes from the past no longer fit then the past is surely a healthy distance away.

Here’s a song to end on. It’s about jeans. Sorta:

I love you all lots like a million billion jelly tots xoxo

*I borrowed this phrase from a fellow crazy. I know she won’t mind.

Posted in Moving forwards

Remember me? WeeGee?

Posted on by WeeGee

I suppose you know it’s been WAY too long since your last blog post when the great and the good of the blogosphere start popping up all over the place to say “hey there WeeGee! Are you still there or did you go and fall off the end of the universe or something?”

I’m not entirely sure how it got to be quite so long since my last post. I’m conscious that it was a big post and that maybe, at least in a small part, I spooked myself a little when I realised quite how candid I’d been. Most people were nothing short of AWESOME about the whole ‘attention real world: I am a mental person’ thing but one or two weren’t quite so pleased which hurt a little. Then again, I guess all it goes to show is that you can’t please all of the people all of the time……

Anyhow – that’s all done with now and I’m back which means there’s only one thing for it: A Spectacular Update On All The Spectacular Things WeeGee Has Been Up To. Who’s in?

So. Is everything all spectacular here in WeeGee land? Well of course not, but that’s not the way the world works. On the other hand if you were to ask is WeeGee well, and taking care of herself, and still putting one foot in front of the other? Well hell yes, and then some. When you’re depressed I think you think that getting better is going to be the opposite of where you are, and that you’ll somehow start to leap out of bed in the morning full of hope, and optimism and HAPPINESS. The thing is that the normal brains don’t work like that, so why on earth would a getting better mental brain behave that way?

Life isn’t perfect, or perhaps more accurately, the way I interact with life isn’t perfect. I’m still pretty frightened, and overwhelmed, and likely to hide. But I’m out there, and I’m doing it anyway and if I’m honest it really doesn’t feel too bad most of the time. Do you know what? If this is as far as I’m ever going to get I’m going to take it and be content: it doesn’t feel too bad most of the time. I don’t suppose you can say much fairer than that.

Since last I blogged I’ve been having a real life. I’ve been finding my mojo at work, and working things out with Mr Friendly, and taking lots of photos, and cooking lots of food. I guess I’ve been doing what I said I was going to do: working out who WeeGee is now. Maybe that’s the headline – it isn’t perfect, but WeeGee finally has a real life and she likes it.

As always I saved the best for last. On the one hand I know that another person shouldn’t ever count as the best thing. But on the other hand that rule doesn’t account for Mr Awesome Thing Number Five* turning up. What can I say? That I don’t deserve him? That I can’t believe my luck? Or that maybe I’m going to take this too because it works (thus far) and that we’re happy (thus far) and can anyone spot anything else that matters? Thought not…..

Much in the same way as I didn’t mean to be unwell, I didn’t mean to get better. I kept on keeping on, doing all the right stuff, and hoping for the future. Where I’m at now just kinda happened, and that’s not miraculous. It’s just the way life ebbs and flows, and the way the brain behaves, and the way somehow, if you hold on tight enough you’ll always come out on the other side.

I love you all lots like jelly tots

WeeGee xxxxx

*if I’d known how things were going to turn out is have given him a shorter name.

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Posted in Recovery?

Regeneration. Phase one.

Posted on by WeeGee

This post is either very brave or very stupid. Come to think of it, it’s more likely a bit of both because let’s face it, brave needs a bit of stupid just as much as stupid needs a bit of brave. I don’t suppose I’m making much sense yet…….

A couple of things have happened recently that got me thinking. I thought for quite a long time and eventually my thinking turned into one of my infamous little thinks and before I knew it I’d come up with this blog post which is where the whole brave/stupid thing comes into it. If you’re new to WeeGee land don’t worry about it – it’ll all be as clear as mud by the time we get to the end, assuming we get that far together, of course. I’ve never taken my readers for granted.

So. I’ve been blogging for seventeen months now. Some people in the ‘real world’ know about my blog but not too many. I blog as WeeGee but my real name as Gail and the bottom line of it is that WeeGee and Gail are EXACTLY the same person, even though I’ve tried very hard to keep the two entirely separate. Why keep them separate? Well, because WeeGee blogs about Gail’s experiences with mental health difficulties and out there in the real world Gail still tries to keep these experiences a secret, even from some people who know me really, really well.

If you’re reading this and you know me as Gail you perhaps don’t know that I am recovered* from an eating disorder and that I experience both depression and anxiety. Sometimes I’m completely well, sometimes I’m not so well but functioning, and sometimes – well sometimes, I don’t function too well at all, although that’s quite rare nowadays. All of that said, whichever state I’m in I’m still WeeGee, or Gail, or in other words I’m still a human being just like everybody else on the planet.

Mental health difficulties aren’t rare at all, in fact one in five of us will experience them at some point in our lives** but hardly any of us talk about it. Why? Maybe because we’re ashamed, or because we think people won’t understand, or because we think it’s just none of anybody’s business. Or perhaps, and I think this is more likely, we’re still not past the stigma associated with poor mental health and we can’t just come right out and admit that we’re one of those mental people.

A few days ago I recorded a video for a fantastic project called Faces of mental illness. You can see my video here. Shortly after the video went live I panicked. I was suddenly terrified that WeeGee would be ‘outed’ as Gail and that my dirty little secret would be known. And then I realised that even I, who thought she knew better, was missing the point. I don’t believe there should be any stigma associated with poor mental health – that’s why I made the video. And that doesn’t square up with hiding.

So I’m not going to hide:

My name is Gail, but you can call me WeeGee if you prefer. I love my cat, and Frank Turner, and I’m obsessed with Breaking Bad. I like taking pictures of dudes in red trousers and I’m a budding masterchef contestant***. Once upon a time, I starved myself within an inch of my life but I’m better now. Sometimes the darkness creeps in and I get depressed. Sometimes I worry so much that I think I’m going to explode. I take medication to regulate my mood and occasionally I don’t sleep for days at a time. I’m a total geek when it comes to politics and grammar and if I ever grow up I’m going to live in a cottage in Oxfordshire and grow pink roses in the garden.

I’m one of those mental people. It’s important that I say it, but it isn’t even nearly the most important thing about me.

In a moment I’m going to share this little post on Facebook and then my secret will be well and truly out for the people who only know Gail. Some people might think it’s brave. Some people might think it’s stupid. Like I said I think it’s more likely a bit of both. It’s also a small offering from my corner of the world: one of these days, we really will stamp out stigma.

A while ago I posted that I wasn’t sure what would come next for How do you eat an elephant? I think this might be it: a brave new world and all that. What can I say? Wish me luck. I’ll see you on the other side.

I end, as is traditional, with a song. It’s a special little song to me. Enjoy:

Love you all lots, like jelly tots.

WeeGee xxxxx

And

Gail xxxxx

Ps. Thanks to the trusted few for their words of advice and encouragement. I love you guys even more than jelly tots but not quite as much as Frank Turner, but that’s still a very, very lot.

*or maybe I’m recovering.
**so the often quoted statistic goes
***although I’m going to need a bigger and better kitchen if I’m going to hope to win. Oh. And I’ll need to get better at sauces too….

Posted in Moving forwards

And now for something completely different

Posted on by WeeGee

So, there I was, faffing about videoing myself just for the sheer hell of it (its amazing how easy it is to keep a WeeGee quiet) when I thought “I know, I’ll do a vlog!”

This is what resulted in ONE take only. Needless to say its a little bit rough around the edges but hey, here I am, and here’s what I’ve got to say:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=536881759699538

Sorry it lives on Facebook. I’ll move it over to Vimeo or something later but for now I just wanted to get it up before I change my mind.

Love you all like lots of jelly tots xxx

Posted in Welcome to my world

Boo fucking hoo

Posted on by WeeGee

I’m just going to have to face up to it. You know that birthday post I’ve been promising? Well I’m afraid it isn’t going to happen. The birthday in itself was completely AWESOME, full of Mr Awesome Thing Number Five, and a sleepy little English town, and feeding baby penguins which shat in my shoe, and a visit from my parents and…… AWESOME birthday. The thing is, my birthday was a long time ago, and since then I’ve been feeling ALL OF THE FEELINGS and the recent past isn’t really something that I feel much like blogging about because I’m a bit lost in the here and now, which – let’s be honest – is a little better that being lost in the then and gone or the still to come and unknown. Am I sounding a little manic to you? I’m feeling a little turbo charged so I wouldn’t be surprised…..

I woke up this morning feeling a little bit disjointed, you know? Like my brain wasn’t attached to my body anymore. I used to get that all the time – that feeling that my brain was a completely separate entity from ‘me’. Experiencing it now, for the first time in a while, I’m struck by how little sense it makes. I’m inextricably connected to my brain so how come it sometimes feels so ‘other’ every once in a while? The answer used to be ALIEN but that feels a bit unsatisfactory today. I believe myself to be lots of things but I don’t really believe myself to be an alien. I mean, it would be convenient, and it would explain an awful lot but being an alien would surely throw up even more questions than answers so it can’t possibly be the answer. Then again maybe I need to work through all of the questions and maybe being an alien isn’t as daft as it first sounds.

Still a bit turbo charged but not exactly AWESOME here. Alien brain strikes again?

I know that I’m not AWESOME because I don’t want to talk to most people. I don’t mind talking to some people but when I’m AWESOME I want to talk to everybody and as far as I’m concerned everybody can fuck right off. I can’t figure myself out right now so other people are a HUGE step too far. World. Shut. Your. Mouth.

I’ve written this post as it comes to me – stream of consciousness style. I’m just glad Mr Clever doesn’t get to read what I have to say here because I fear I’d wind up in trouble…..
WeeGee is not a happy WeeGee. Not at all. The brain is all broken and I’m a little bit angry and a little bit STOP because I’ve had enough…… Time for a song:

Booooo.

Love you lots like lovely jelly tots xxx