Apparently you just have to complain on WordPress that you didn’t get one and then some kinda magic happens. Hurrah:
Love from WeeGee (What?! I was entitled to a badge so I’m bloomin’ well having it!)
These are Bourbon at Crazy in the coconut’s questions:
What is your favourite YouTube video?
Itās probably this:
What is your signature dish?
Maybe Pavlova which is the only sweet dish I do. Or perhaps guacamole which is my latest obsession.
How did you come to choose your blog name?
Like so many things in my life, it comes from one of my dadās sayings: āHow do you eat an elephant? Bite by biteā. Which is really just to say you can overcome anything if you take it step by step…
How many languages can you speak?
Rather embarrassingly, only one fluently: English
What is your guilty pleasure?
Phil Collins. I know.
What is your favourite feature about yourself?
Iām not daft, in fact I think Iām quite clever(ish). Thatāll do me.
If you were a fly on the wall for a day, which wall would you choose to sit on?
Iād sit on my own wall and maybe that way I could work out what on earth was going on in my head.
What is your first ever memory?
Iāve no idea, but nobody seems to believe me when I say that.
If you had to live in a different country from your own for a year, which country would it be?
Iād head to Madagascar to meet the frogs š
What is the craziest outfit youāve ever worn?
Erm? Dunno. Happen I might be wearing it right now!
How are you today?
Iām alright thank you very much.
Thanks to Undoing Crazy, I’m it again….
I’ve already posted the rules, made up some questions and tagged some folks so is it okay if I just answer the questions? I hope that isn’t a terrible cheat….
What kind of computer do you do your blogging on?
Usually I blog on my slightly crappy but ever reliable Acer latop, but sometimes I do it on my PC at work and less often on my iPhone.
If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
I know this isnāt really a superhero power, but Iād like to be a boy for a day. Just one, though, beyond that I imagine itād all get a bit grubby. Sorry boys.
What is one thing you canāt live without?
Just one? Oh crumbs…..
I want to say a working Internet connection, because what is life without Google? But it should be something more meaningful, shouldnāt it?!
Could you recommend a good book please?
Of course, itās a pleasure. How about Death and the penguin by Andrey Kurkov? Itās funny, sweet, quirky and incredibly brilliant. Iāve got lots more though if that doesnāt work for you….
Whatās the best advice youāve been given regarding treatment of your mental illness?
It sounds so daft, but when the chips are really down for me my dad always says, ājust you keep your head WeeGeeā in his broad Glaswegian accent and it always helps. The second best advice Iāve had is āput your shoes on and leave your flatā.
Are you a Starbucks person? If so, what is your favorite drink or treat?
No. Iām not a Starbucks person mostly because I donāt drink coffee anymore.
Do you have a special spot you go to to blog?
Not really, although a lot of my ideas are formed walking down by the river.
What is one thing you are proud of?
Iām exceptionally proud of the qualifications I have, all of which I completed whilst being bonkers, nutty and/or mental. It took me a little bit longer than it should have done to get to where I got, but the main thing is ā I got there!
What is your favorite car?
I just donāt have one Iām afraid. I live in London so I suppose my favourite car is my legs.
What would you do if you could do anything?
Honestly. If I could do anything Iād just make myself okay. Iād probably make everyone I have met on WordPress okay too, because I can do anything, right?
What should I ask if I really want to get to know you?
You should just ask me who I think I am and then listen. Either that or you could ask me about summer 1997 but I almost certainly wonāt tell you š
Much love, WeeGee xxx
Okay -so this one has pleased me. The Depressed Moose has made me one of two inaugural recipients of a brand new award. Hurrah. It pleases me because a) its new, b) it’s an award, and c) I’m a bit needy so a seal of approval goes a long way….
Here’s the award:
And, as I’ve already mentioned I recieved this from a rather lovely (if depressed) Moose called Garry. I suspect a Moose would never meet an elephant in the wild, but it seems to be going okay for us thus far….
Here are the questions and my responses:
If a film was made about your life what would the title be?
Itās only a matter of time before there is a film of my life, surely? I think Iād like it to be called āBecoming WeeGeeā. I just would.
Who would play you? (Can be an actor/actress that is dead or alive)
It would have to be Scarlett Johansson owing to the striking resemblance she bears to me. Ahem.
What genre would the film be?
It certainly would be a comedy, but probably a kinda bittersweet one.
Who would direct the film?
Maybe Noah Baumbach? Or maybe Iād just do it myself to deal with all my control freakery stuff.
Who would play the love interest in the film?
Does there have to be a love interest? Films are like real life as far as Iām concerned: better without ālove interestsā. Yes. Iām bitter and twisted. So what….
If there really has to be one, Iāll have this guy (but Iāll be playing myself if this particular scenario unfolds):
Morgan Parra (AKA the little French kicker)*
Which song would feature most heavily in the film?
The soundtrack would be the complete works of [Sir] Frank Turner and the most prominent song would be this one:
If you could have played a part from any film what would that be?
Obviously, it would be the mad woman in the attic in any of the many film adaptations of Jane Eyre…. Iād do a good job of that.
Ta ta for now, WeeGee xxx
*Two pictures was gratuitous, I know. But in my defence I couldn’t help it!
I thought I was going to have to write another of those āwoe is me, I hate myself and I want a pieā posts today. But then along came two lovely bloggers with a couple of awards* for me. Now I can write an awards post instead. Yay!
Firstly, the very marvellous Dotty the Headbanger at Notes from a she hermit sent this one my way:
I received this award for being the first person to beat Dottyā¦. quite an honour really. The only thing is Iām not entirely convinced that I did actually beat Dotty ā it was more a case of me being a smart arse about grammar**.
Anyway, if youāre reading this Dotty thank you from the bottom of my heart and I still feel rotten about making you sob (p.s. did you stop sobbing yet?)
Then the equally marvellous Casey, over at Tiptoeing around the abyss nominated me for the Versatile Blogger award.
1. Add the award to your blog:
2. Thank the blogger who gave it to you and include a link to their blog ā See above
3. Mention 7 random things about yourself ā See below
4. List the rules ā See this
5. Give the award to 15 or more bloggers ā 15 is too many, no? Iām going to pick three because I like things to come in groups of three.
1. Brandic at Nothing in my noggin ā because the blog is lovely, she is lovely, and she has an excellent collection of jokes
2. Hello Sailor ā because the blog is lovely, she is lovely, and she has a habit of making me smile
3. Dotty the Headbanger at ā Notes from a she hermit because the blog is lovely, she is lovely and because Iām trying to make amends for the smart arse incident (I know she wonāt accept, but itās the thought that counts, right?
For the 7 random things, Iām going to tell you seven things I hate. Because thatās the kind of mood Iām in.
1. I hate Jamie Oliver. I hate Jamie Oliver because he simultaneously claims never to have read a book in his life and to have a written a couple of them himself. One, if not both of those claims is a porky pie. Plus, someone who is proud of the fact they have never read a book is deserving of my hatred for that fact alone.
2. On a similar note, I hate people who have read Fifty Shades of Utter Crap*** and claim that it is brilliant. Hereās a quote from one of my āfriendsā on Facebook. [Fifty Shades of Utter Crap is] the first book I have read since school ā read it itās BRILLIANTā Thanks very much for the recommendation but, do you know what? I wonāt read**** it and it isnāt BRILLIANT because itās an Utter Pile of Crap and thereās nothing BRILLIANT about that. Hereās a recommendation for you ā shut your face thank-you please.
3. I hate the Man Who Knows/The Biggest Idiot In The World Ever. If you want to know why, I refer you to his monikers, particularly the latter on.
4. I hate cold callers who disturb me in my own home when Iām having a nice little maddy all to myself and then proceed to say my name wrong. My surname is Laughlan, which, just in case you donāt know is Scottish and is pronounced Lochhhhhlan (as if youāre gently clearing your throat). It is not pronounced in any of the following ways:
⢠Lafflan: people who say Lafflan get āItās Lochhhhhlan actualyā in my best snooty voice
⢠Lahooolan: people who say Lahooolan are told that āthere is no one here by that nameā in my best snooty voice
⢠Maclochhhlan: these people are asked āwhere the M came from and told to learn to readā in my best snooty voice
Finally there was the person who said āCan I speak to Miss Lllll (baffled pause).. How do you say your nameā? She got told to eff off and I didnāt bother being snooty about it. Blinkinā cheek.
5. I hate BT because it took them six months to refund Ā£20 credit on my bill when I moved house. I hate them even more because, despite being told they were speaking to Miss Laughlan they insisted on calling me Mrs āthe name of my ex boyfriend who had broken my heartā when I was trying to get the money back. I hate them still more because I got sick of speaking to āDavidā āBobā and āKenā in India ā not because they werein India per se, but because they told me they were called David/Bob/Ken which they clearly werenāt owing to the fact they were in India.
Here is an excerpt from a conversation I had with David/Bob/Ken during those dark days of trying to get my money back:
Me: I just need you to issue a cheque to me at my new address
BT: I canāt do that without the authorisation of Mr {Insert name of ex boyfriend who broke my heart}. I just need to speak to him to confirm everything.
Me: Okay (silence)
BT: Okay. Am I speaking to Mr {Insert name of ex boyfriend who broke my heart}?
Me: (clearly feminine voice) Yes
BT: (thoughtful pause) Are you sure?
Arseholes.
6. I hate people who use āliterallyā incorrectly. Hereās an example: itās literally raining cats and dogsā. No. It isnāt āliterallyā raining cats and dogs. If it was āliterallyā raining cats and dogs youād probably be speaking to the local newspaper, not me. I also hate people who use āironicallyā incorrectly ā hereās the thing, there is nothing ironic about the bus arriving just as you get to the bus stop. Thatās just lucky, okay? By the way, in my view, anyone who says ironical instead of ironic should be poked in the eye.
7. Finally I hate moths and mushrooms***** I hate moths because they flap around in your face plotting to murder you and because they scare the absolute shit out of me for the aforementioned reasons. Regular readers will be familiar with my thoughts on mushrooms. If itās any consolation I complain about mushrooms in real life just as much as I do on my blog, which at least means Iām consistent.
The end.
Much love to counter all the hatred, Wee Gee.
*Of course Iām accepting the awards because Iām a bit vain like that
**Because I have a habit of being a smart arse about grammar. I know itās unbecoming but itās a compulsion ā I really canāt help it, even though I’m not always perfect about it myself.
***I think the real title is Fifty Shades of Grey
****I donāt have to read it to know itās an Utter Pile of Crap because I saw Jerry talking about it on Newsnight and that is proof enough for me.
*****Two things, I know, but in my mind they are inseparable when it comes to the list of things Wee Gee hates.
The wonderful and lovely Brandic32 at nothinginmynogginĀ (if you don’t already you really should read this blog) answered my last set of questions and then went and tagged meĀ so It appears that I am āitā again.
Here are the questions and answers this time round.
1. If we live on after we die, and we are able to take one object with us (not human or animal, sorry), what would you take and why?
Hmm. The first thing to say is that Iām not sure I like the idea of living on after I die. That whole thing about eternity does my head in.
Anyway, back to the question, I wouldnāt take anything sentimental because I definitely donāt want to feel sad for eternity. I was going to say a watch because I hate not knowing the time but on second thoughts Iām not sure it would be a good idea to keep an eye on the time in eternity ā I expect it would drive one slightly mental. Oh I know – Can I take a book? If so, Iāll take the complete short stories of Muriel Spark because there are lots of them, they are very good, and they feel a bit different every time you read them.
2. Have you seen a good movie recently? (within the last year-ish) Please describe what it is about this movie that you liked.
Iām not a movie person Iām afraid. Itās one of my regular new yearās resolutions to see more films but I never seem to manage it. I did enjoy Greenberg but itās not a recent filmā it was sweet and sad and quirky.Ā I also loved the lineĀ āYou love me more than you think you doā because it struck a chord with me at the time.
3. If someone gave you $1,000 ā or 1,000 pounds, or 1,000 euros, etc depending on where you live ā and you werenāt allowed to āinvest itā, how would you spend it?
Iāll have 1000 Great British Pounds please and I wouldnāt dream about investing it! Iād love to say Iād buy something sensible, useful or charitable but Iād most probably buy frivolous things, like gadgets, clothes and shoes. Iām not as shallow as that makes me sound though!
4.Ā Are you a morning person or a night person? Why do you prefer this time of day?
I have to say that Iām a night person but only by virtue of the fact that I am most definitely not a morning person. I HATE the mornings, especially in the winter. I generally need a couple of hours after waking before I can communicate with people politely.
5. If you could have your dream job, what would it be?
At the moment I have a job that I love, that Iām good at and that is well paid so Iām quite content with my lot. Still, as this is a dream can I opt to do exactly what I do now for maybe ten times the pay?!
6. If you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life (and have no other access to any other music), what music album would you choose?
My favourite album is the Holy Bible by the Manic Street Preachers, but, as much as I love it I donāt think itās one to listen to for the rest of your life! Instead Iāll choose The First Three Years by Frank Turner because it has most of my favourite Frank songs on and itās longer than the average album.
7. Are you a fan of fireworks?
Iām not a big fan of fireworks. I personally find them a bit underwhelming, but worse than that they frighten my cat which is just not on.
8.Ā If you could have a painting of anything on your wall, what would you want it to be of?
I have a one on my wall that was painted by the fair hand of a good friend of mine. It isnāt actually āof anythingā, but if you look closely you can kinda see a skull. Itās not that I necessarily want a painting of a skull on my wall but I do like having something painted by a friend there. It’s a really good reminder of important things when the chips are down.
9. Is there anything special you like to keep at your bedside?
At the moment I have a picture of me and the twins* in a black gloss frame, a momiji doll, some hand cream and a book (Alice Walkerās The Colour Purple). I tend not to be too sentimental about āthingsā, so the stuff by my bed either looks good or fulfils a function.
10. What do you like to order when you go to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or [substitute another favourite coffee/tea place here]?
I used to love a little place in Nottingham called the Bean where I always ordered a black Americano. But the Bean shut down and I gave up drinking coffee so now I opt for Earl Grey Tea or Green tea and Iām not fussy about the venue!
11. If you had the ability to be part human and part animal, and possess the best/strongest/most admirable traits of this animal in addition to the skills and traits you already possess, which animal would you want to morph with and why?
Can I be part giraffe please? That way Iād be able to use my super long neck to rise above all the rubbish in my head. But thatās not what you meant is it? Sorry!
That was jolly good fun, wasnāt it? Iām not going to tag anyone or set any more questions – not because Iām a stick-in-the-mud but because I’ve had one hell of a day and don’t have the mental capacity for it.
*The twins belong to one of my best friends, they are five and very cute.
Welcome to week number ten of āHow do you eat an elephantā!
I canāt quite believe that Iāve kept it up for so long! You see, I have a habit of starting things and not finishing them. Not that you ever really āfinishā a blog, but you know what I mean. I usually come up with an idea, get filled full of enthusiasm, get a bit obsessed for a little while and then lose interest and give up. After ten weeks it doesnāt feel like Iām going to lose interest or give up so Iām giving myself a pat on the back today.
When I started writing I had no idea if anyone would read what I had to say, let alone find it remotely interesting, so itās been really exciting for me watching my site stats and followers grow over the past ten weeks. The best thing, though, has been the lovely, super welcoming community that Iāve found here on WordPress ā Iāve met some truly lovely people and Iāve really enjoyed reading all of the brilliant blogs I follow.
Iām going to stop now before I go all gushing but before I do I wanted to say a huge, massive and great big thank you to all my fellow mentalists out there š
Iāll aim to write a proper post tomorrow ā Iāve got lots to tell you about. Unfortunately Iāve also got lots to do and time is pressing on!
See you in a bit,
Wee Gee xxx
A few days ago the lovely Sailor asked me to draw a picture of a bird and then post it on my blog. Iām not very good at drawing things but she did ask very nicely so I said I would despite my misgivings about making a fool of myself on the Internet*
Did I mention that Iām not very good at drawing? I can describe what something looks like pretty well but I canāt seem to put it into an actual picture – I guess thatās just the way my brain works**. So, because I had no idea how to draw a bird I set myself the challenge of learning how to draw one using the interweb and the materials available in my flat. The materials available in my flat were:
Anyway the long and the short of it is that I am pleased to report I have now learnt how to draw a bird (but please do note that I have not, by any stretch of the imagination, learnt to do it well).
Here it is:
Iām quite pleased with myself even though it is a bit rubbish because it does vaguely resemble a bird/woodpecker (to me at least).There will be no further adventures in art from me but I did rather enjoy this one because Iām simple like that.
Ta ta for now, Wee Gee x
*More accurately, I had misgivings about making a fool of myself on the Internet again
**I donāt think this is anything to do with being mental though
***I say assorted colours. There were actually three. And I’m not sure why I have flip chart markers in my flat because there are definitely no flipcharts.
Funny how things sometimes turn up at the most opportune moment isnāt it? Yesterday I promised that I would write a better post today but then I got to today found the whole flat and empty thing continuing. I had no inspiration whatsoever and I was just starting to think Iād have to break my promise when Hello Sailor popped up and tagged me in a very exciting game of tag. Iām still quite new to blogging, so youāll have to forgive my excitement here, but this whole game of tag thing? I totally love it!
Rules –
Here are my answers to the questions posed by Hello Sailor:
1. Do you think you could survive a zombie apocalypse and if so what would be your weapon of choice? If there was a zombie apocalypse I’d shit my pants and then probably hide in the wardrobe. Iād only survive if the zombies didnāt think to look in the wardrobe or if chucking miscellaneous items of clothing was enough to scare the zombies off*.
2. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Okay. So Iām assuming I donāt have to worry about nutrition? Iām tempted to say balsamic vinegar because itās one of my favourite things in the world but you really have to eat it with something else (preferably olive oil and bread) to get the full effect and Iād probably get fed up with just balsamic vinegar on its own. Plus, technically I would have to drink it so I donāt think it would count anyway. The second thing that comes to mind is a full English breakfast but Iām worried that might not count because itās more than one thing. I also really like pickled onions, Milano salami and cheese but, much like balsamic vinegar, they donāt work so well alone. Anywayā¦. having weighed up all the options** Iāve decided Iām going to live on the crunchy loveliness of sea salt and balsamic vinegar kettle chips for the rest of my life. Because I love them and because it means I wonāt have to miss out on balsamic vinegar altogether.
3. Do you think Noah had woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? Noah must have had woodpeckers on the ark because I donāt think he was mean enough to leave them behind just because they were a bit noisy and might sink his boat. I expect he wrapped their beaks up in cotton wool or something soft like that and let them think they were pecking away when really they were just banging their heads against the wall***
4. If space flight was affordable, would you go, just because you could? Do you know, I donāt think I would. I like the idea but a) Iām not very good in small spaces (like spaceships for example) and b) sometimes I get someplace and decide that I want to go home IMMEDIATELY. I donāt suppose you can change your mind like that once you get to space.
5. Would you very kindly draw me a picture of a bird and post it on your blog so I can add to my collection? Oh noā¦. this one has made my blood run cold because Iām really not very good at drawing. At all. Can I have some extra time to do this part of the homework please Sailor?Ā Itāll probably take me like a squillion attempts and then it still wonāt be very good. But, as itās you, I will try my best.
6. Do you think unicorns exist? My take on unicorns is almost the same as my take on God. No-one can prove that they exist but no-one can prove that they donāt; which in my book means they might. The only difference (to me) between unicorns and god is that I kinda hope that unicorns do exist but I donāt really mind about God but not in a blasphemous way****.
7. Why doesnāt Tarzan have a beard? Were there razors in the jungle? Erm⦠who says Tarzan doesnāt have a beard:
8. How old do you think you would be if you didnāt know how old you are? Well. I think I would be the age I am now even if I didnāt know what age I was. Then again it would probably be quite easy to convince me I was a different age if I didnāt know what age I was. But double then again it wouldnāt matter what age I thought I was because I would still definitely be the age I am even if I didnāt know what age I was or if I thought I was a different age. My head hurts.
9.Ā Will you be joining me on my boat when I win the lottery? Sounds fantabulous to me if youāll have me. Iām not very big and Iām good at tidying up so it shouldnāt be too much of a problem. But I might have to bring my cat and heās quite special. That okay?
10. What makes you, you?
All the stuff that ever happened and all the stuff that will; all the books I ever read and all the songs I ever heard*****; everybody I ever met and everything they said to me. Oh, and the fact that Iām not very big (meaning youād hardly notice me on a boat) and Iām good at tidying things up (especially boats). Did me and Gryff make it onto your boat?
11. Did you like my questions?
I loved your questions apart from the one that made my head hurt.
*It might seem unlikely but you havenāt seen some of the fashion disasters Iāve had over the years
**As you can see, Iām taking this game quite seriously
***I am familiar with this feeling
****Iām so going to hell
*****Even the really crap ones like Candle in the wind
Here are my eleven questions:
*I personally think that they are evil
**I ask for a reason
***For future reference
And here are the bloggers Iām tagging (note to people Iām tagging, no need to feel obliged to take part I just thought it was good fun)
Hello Sailor (sorry but I do so want to hear your answers!)