Posted in Little things that made me smile

Tag round….. Ohh. I’ve lost count….

These are Bourbon at Crazy in the coconut’s questions:

What is your favourite YouTube video?

It’s probably this:

What is your signature dish?

Maybe Pavlova which is the only sweet dish I do. Or perhaps guacamole which is my latest obsession.

How did you come to choose your blog name?

Like so many things in my life, it comes from one of my dad’s sayings: ‘How do you eat an elephant? Bite by bite’. Which is really just to say you can overcome anything if you take it step by step…

How many languages can you speak?

Rather embarrassingly, only one fluently: English

What is your guilty pleasure?

Phil Collins. I know.

What is your favourite feature about yourself?

I’m not daft, in fact I think I’m quite clever(ish). That’ll do me.

If you were a fly on the wall for a day, which wall would you choose to sit on? 

I’d sit on my own wall and maybe that way I could work out what on earth was going on in my head.

What is your first ever memory?

I’ve no idea, but nobody seems to believe me when I say that.

If you had to live in a different country from your own for a year, which country would it be?

I’d head to Madagascar to meet the frogs 🙂

What is the craziest outfit you’ve ever worn?

Erm? Dunno. Happen I might be wearing it right now!

How are you today?

I’m alright thank you very much.

Posted in Little things that made me smile

Tag – round one squillion and two

Thanks to Undoing Crazy, I’m it again….

I’ve already posted the rules, made up some questions and tagged some folks so is it okay if I just answer the questions? I hope that isn’t a terrible cheat….

What kind of computer do you do your blogging on?

Usually I blog on my slightly crappy but ever reliable Acer latop, but sometimes I do it on my PC at work and less often on my iPhone.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

I know this isn’t really a superhero power, but I’d like to be a boy for a day. Just one, though, beyond that I imagine it’d all get a bit grubby. Sorry boys.

What is one thing you can’t live without?

Just one? Oh crumbs…..

I want to say a working Internet connection, because what is life without Google? But it should be something more meaningful, shouldn’t it?!

Could you recommend a good book please?

Of course, it’s a pleasure. How about Death and the penguin by Andrey Kurkov? It’s funny, sweet, quirky and incredibly brilliant. I’ve got lots more though if that doesn’t work for you….

What’s the best advice you’ve been given regarding treatment of your mental illness?

It sounds so daft, but when the chips are really down for me my dad always says, “just you keep your head WeeGee” in his broad Glaswegian accent and it always helps. The second best advice I’ve had is “put your shoes on and leave your flat”.

Are you a Starbucks person? If so, what is your favorite drink or treat?

No. I’m not a Starbucks person mostly because I don’t drink coffee anymore.

Do you have a special spot you go to to blog?
Not really, although a lot of my ideas are formed walking down by the river.

What is one thing you are proud of?

I’m exceptionally proud of the qualifications I have, all of which I completed whilst being bonkers, nutty and/or mental. It took me a little bit longer than it should have done to get to where I got, but the main thing is – I got there!

What is your favorite car?

I just don’t have one I’m afraid. I live in London so I suppose my favourite car is my legs.

What would you do if you could do anything?

Honestly. If I could do anything I’d just make myself okay. I’d probably make everyone I have met on WordPress okay too, because I can do anything, right?

What should I ask if I really want to get to know you?

You should just ask me who I think I am and then listen. Either that or you could ask me about summer 1997 but I almost certainly won’t tell you 😛

Much love, WeeGee xxx

Posted in Little things that made me smile

A seal of approval

Okay -so this one has pleased me. The Depressed Moose has made me one of two inaugural recipients of a brand new award. Hurrah. It pleases me because a) its new, b) it’s an award, and c) I’m a bit needy so a seal of approval goes a long way….

Here’s the award:

And, as I’ve already mentioned I recieved this from a rather lovely (if depressed) Moose called Garry. I suspect a Moose would never meet an elephant in the wild, but it seems to be going okay for us thus far….

Here are the questions and my responses:

If a film was made about your life what would the title be?

It’s only a matter of time before there is a film of my life, surely? I think I’d like it to be called ‘Becoming WeeGee’. I just would.

Who would play you? (Can be an actor/actress that is dead or alive)

It would have to be Scarlett Johansson owing to the striking resemblance she bears to me. Ahem.

What genre would the film be?

It certainly would be a comedy, but probably a kinda bittersweet one.

Who would direct the film?

Maybe Noah Baumbach? Or maybe I’d just do it myself to deal with all my control freakery stuff.

Who would play the love interest in the film?

Does there have to be a love interest? Films are like real life as far as I’m concerned: better without ‘love interests’. Yes. I’m bitter and twisted. So what….

If there really has to be one, I’ll have this guy (but I’ll be playing myself if this particular scenario unfolds):

Morgan Parra (AKA the little French kicker)*

Which song would feature most heavily in the film?

The soundtrack would be the complete works of [Sir] Frank Turner and the most prominent song would be this one:

If you could have played a part from any film what would that be?

Obviously, it would be the mad woman in the attic in any of the many film adaptations of Jane Eyre…. I’d do a good job of that.

Ta ta for now, WeeGee xxx

*Two pictures was gratuitous, I know. But in my defence I couldn’t help it!

Posted in Little things that made me smile

A couple of bloggers save the day

I thought I was going to have to write another of those ‘woe is me, I hate myself and I want a pie’ posts today. But then along came two lovely bloggers with a couple of awards* for me. Now I can write an awards post instead. Yay!

Firstly, the very marvellous Dotty the Headbanger at Notes from a she hermit sent this one my way:

I received this award for being the first person to beat Dotty…. quite an honour really. The only thing is I’m not entirely convinced that I did actually beat Dotty – it was more a case of me being a smart arse about grammar**.

Anyway, if you’re reading this Dotty thank you from the bottom of my heart and I still feel rotten about making you sob (p.s. did you stop sobbing yet?)

Then the equally marvellous Casey, over at Tiptoeing around the abyss nominated me for the Versatile Blogger award.

1. Add the award to your blog:


2. Thank the blogger who gave it to you and include a link to their blog – See above
3. Mention 7 random things about yourself – See below
4. List the rules – See this
5. Give the award to 15 or more bloggers – 15 is too many, no? I’m going to pick three because I like things to come in groups of three.

 
1. Brandic at Nothing in my noggin – because the blog is lovely, she is lovely, and she has an excellent collection of jokes
2. Hello Sailor – because the blog is lovely, she is lovely, and she has a habit of making me smile
3. Dotty the Headbanger at – Notes from a she hermit because the blog is lovely, she is lovely and because I’m trying to make amends for the smart arse incident (I know she won’t accept, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

 
For the 7 random things, I’m going to tell you seven things I hate. Because that’s the kind of mood I’m in.

1. I hate Jamie Oliver. I hate Jamie Oliver because he simultaneously claims never to have read a book in his life and to have a written a couple of them himself. One, if not both of those claims is a porky pie. Plus, someone who is proud of the fact they have never read a book is deserving of my hatred for that fact alone.

2. On a similar note, I hate people who have read Fifty Shades of Utter Crap*** and claim that it is brilliant. Here’s a quote from one of my ‘friends’ on Facebook. [Fifty Shades of Utter Crap is] the first book I have read since school – read it it’s BRILLIANT’ Thanks very much for the recommendation but, do you know what? I won’t read**** it and it isn’t BRILLIANT because it’s an Utter Pile of Crap and there’s nothing BRILLIANT about that. Here’s a recommendation for you – shut your face thank-you please.

3. I hate the Man Who Knows/The Biggest Idiot In The World Ever. If you want to know why, I refer you to his monikers, particularly the latter on.

4. I hate cold callers who disturb me in my own home when I’m having a nice little maddy all to myself and then proceed to say my name wrong. My surname is Laughlan, which, just in case you don’t know is Scottish and is pronounced Lochhhhhlan (as if you’re gently clearing your throat). It is not pronounced in any of the following ways:

• Lafflan: people who say Lafflan get ‘It’s Lochhhhhlan actualy’ in my best snooty voice
• Lahooolan: people who say Lahooolan are told that ‘there is no one here by that name’ in my best snooty voice
• Maclochhhlan: these people are asked ‘where the M came from and told to learn to read’ in my best snooty voice

Finally there was the person who said ‘Can I speak to Miss Lllll (baffled pause).. How do you say your name’? She got told to eff off and I didn’t bother being snooty about it. Blinkin’ cheek.

5. I hate BT because it took them six months to refund £20 credit on my bill when I moved house. I hate them even more because, despite being told they were speaking to Miss Laughlan they insisted on calling me Mrs ‘the name of my ex boyfriend who had broken my heart’ when I was trying to get the money back. I hate them still more because I got sick of speaking to ‘David’ ‘Bob’ and ‘Ken’ in India – not because they werein India per se, but because they told me they were called David/Bob/Ken which they clearly weren’t owing to the fact they were in India.

Here is an excerpt from a conversation I had with David/Bob/Ken during those dark days of trying to get my money back:

Me: I just need you to issue a cheque to me at my new address
BT: I can’t do that without the authorisation of Mr {Insert name of ex boyfriend who broke my heart}. I just need to speak to him to confirm everything.
Me: Okay (silence)
BT: Okay. Am I speaking to Mr {Insert name of ex boyfriend who broke my heart}?
Me: (clearly feminine voice) Yes
BT: (thoughtful pause) Are you sure?

Arseholes.

6. I hate people who use ‘literally’ incorrectly. Here’s an example: it’s literally raining cats and dogs’. No. It isn’t ‘literally’ raining cats and dogs. If it was ‘literally’ raining cats and dogs you’d probably be speaking to the local newspaper, not me. I also hate people who use ‘ironically’ incorrectly – here’s the thing, there is nothing ironic about the bus arriving just as you get to the bus stop. That’s just lucky, okay? By the way, in my view, anyone who says ironical instead of ironic should be poked in the eye.

7. Finally I hate moths and mushrooms***** I hate moths because they flap around in your face plotting to murder you and because they scare the absolute shit out of me for the aforementioned reasons. Regular readers will be familiar with my thoughts on mushrooms. If it’s any consolation I complain about mushrooms in real life just as much as I do on my blog, which at least means I’m consistent.

The end.

Much love to counter all the hatred, Wee Gee.

*Of course I’m accepting the awards because I’m a bit vain like that
**Because I have a habit of being a smart arse about grammar. I know it’s unbecoming but it’s a compulsion – I really can’t help it, even though I’m not always perfect about it myself.
***I think the real title is Fifty Shades of Grey
****I don’t have to read it to know it’s an Utter Pile of Crap because I saw Jerry talking about it on Newsnight and that is proof enough for me.
*****Two things, I know, but in my mind they are inseparable when it comes to the list of things Wee Gee hates.

Posted in Little things that made me smile

Tag – round two

The wonderful and lovely Brandic32 at nothinginmynoggin  (if you don’t already you really should read this blog) answered my last set of questions and then went and tagged me  so It appears that I am ‘it’ again.

Here are the questions and answers this time round.

1. If we live on after we die, and we are able to take one object with us (not human or animal, sorry), what would you take and why?

Hmm. The first thing to say is that I’m not sure I like the idea of living on after I die. That whole thing about eternity does my head in.

Anyway, back to the question, I wouldn’t take anything sentimental because I definitely don’t want to feel sad for eternity. I was going to say a watch because I hate not knowing the time but on second thoughts I’m not sure it would be a good idea to keep an eye on the time in eternity – I expect it would drive one slightly mental. Oh I know – Can I take a book? If so, I’ll take the complete short stories of Muriel Spark because there are lots of them, they are very good, and they feel a bit different every time you read them.

2. Have you seen a good movie recently? (within the last year-ish) Please describe what it is about this movie that you liked.

I’m not a movie person I’m afraid. It’s one of my regular new year’s resolutions to see more films but I never seem to manage it. I did enjoy Greenberg but it’s not a recent film– it was sweet and sad and quirky.  I also loved the line  ‘You love me more than you think you do’ because it struck a chord with me at the time.

3. If someone gave you $1,000 – or 1,000 pounds, or 1,000 euros, etc depending on where you live – and you weren’t allowed to “invest it”, how would you spend it?

I’ll have 1000 Great British Pounds please and I wouldn’t dream about investing it! I’d love to say I’d buy something sensible, useful or charitable but I’d most probably buy frivolous things, like gadgets, clothes and shoes. I’m not as shallow as that makes me sound though!

4. Are you a morning person or a night person? Why do you prefer this time of day?

I have to say that I’m a night person but only by virtue of the fact that I am most definitely not a morning person. I HATE the mornings, especially in the winter. I generally need a couple of hours after waking before I can communicate with people politely.

5. If you could have your dream job, what would it be?

At the moment I have a job that I love, that I’m good at and that is well paid so I’m quite content with my lot. Still, as this is a dream can I opt to do exactly what I do now for maybe ten times the pay?!

6. If you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life (and have no other access to any other music), what music album would you choose?

My favourite album is the Holy Bible by the Manic Street Preachers, but, as much as I love it I don’t think it’s one to listen to for the rest of your life! Instead I’ll choose The First Three Years by Frank Turner because it has most of my favourite Frank songs on and it’s longer than the average album.

7. Are you a fan of fireworks?

I’m not a big fan of fireworks. I personally find them a bit underwhelming, but worse than that they frighten my cat which is just not on.

8. If you could have a painting of anything on your wall, what would you want it to be of?

I have a one on my wall that was painted by the fair hand of a good friend of mine. It isn’t actually ‘of anything’, but if you look closely you can kinda see a skull. It’s not that I necessarily want a painting of a skull on my wall but I do like having something painted by a friend there. It’s a really good reminder of important things when the chips are down.

9. Is there anything special you like to keep at your bedside?

At the moment I have a picture of me and the twins* in a black gloss frame, a momiji doll, some hand cream and a book (Alice Walker’s The Colour Purple). I tend not to be too sentimental about ‘things’, so the stuff by my bed either looks good or fulfils a function.

10. What do you like to order when you go to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or [substitute another favourite coffee/tea place here]?

I used to love a little place in Nottingham called the Bean where I always ordered a black Americano. But the Bean shut down and I gave up drinking coffee so now I opt for Earl Grey Tea or Green tea and I’m not fussy about the venue!

11. If you had the ability to be part human and part animal, and possess the best/strongest/most admirable traits of this animal in addition to the skills and traits you already possess, which animal would you want to morph with and why?

Can I be part giraffe please? That way I’d be able to use my super long neck to rise above all the rubbish in my head. But that’s not what you meant is it? Sorry!

That was jolly good fun, wasn’t it? I’m not going to tag anyone or set any more questions – not because I’m a stick-in-the-mud but because I’ve had one hell of a day and don’t have the mental capacity for it.

*The twins belong to one of my best friends, they are five and very cute.

Posted in Little things that made me smile

A milestone

Welcome to week number ten of ‘How do you eat an elephant’!

I can’t quite believe that I’ve kept it up for so long! You see, I have a habit of starting things and not finishing them. Not that you ever really ‘finish’ a blog, but you know what I mean. I usually come up with an idea, get filled full of enthusiasm, get a bit obsessed for a little while and then lose interest and give up. After ten weeks it doesn’t feel like I’m going to lose interest or give up so I’m giving myself a pat on the back today.

When I started writing I had no idea if anyone would read what I had to say, let alone find it remotely interesting, so it’s been really exciting for me watching my site stats and followers grow over the past ten weeks. The best thing, though, has been the lovely, super welcoming community that I’ve found here on WordPress – I’ve met some truly lovely people and I’ve really enjoyed reading all of the brilliant blogs I follow.

I’m going to stop now before I go all gushing but before I do I wanted to say a huge, massive and great big thank you to all my fellow mentalists out there 🙂

I’ll aim to write a proper post tomorrow – I’ve got lots to tell you about. Unfortunately I’ve also got lots to do and time is pressing on!

See you in a bit,

Wee Gee xxx

Posted in Little things that made me smile

Can you tell what it is yet?!

A few days ago the lovely Sailor asked me to draw a picture of a bird and then post it on my blog. I’m not very good at drawing things but she did ask very nicely so I said I would despite my misgivings about making a fool of myself on the Internet*

Did I mention that I’m not very good at drawing? I can describe what something looks like pretty well but I can’t seem to put it into an actual picture – I guess that’s just the way my brain works**. So, because I had no idea how to draw a bird I set myself the challenge of learning how to draw one using the interweb and the materials available in my flat. The materials available in my flat were:

  • A4 narrow ruled paper
  • 4 flip chart markers in assorted colours***
  • 2 highlighter pens also in assorted colours
  • A pencil

Anyway the long and the short of it is that I am pleased to report I have now learnt how to draw a bird (but please do note that I have not, by any stretch of the imagination, learnt to do it well).

Here it is:

I’m quite pleased with myself even though it is a bit rubbish because it does vaguely resemble a bird/woodpecker (to me at least).There will be no further adventures in art from me but I did rather enjoy this one because I’m simple like that.

Ta ta for now, Wee Gee x

 

*More accurately, I had misgivings about making a fool of myself on the Internet again

**I don’t think this is anything to do with being mental though

***I say assorted colours. There were actually three. And I’m not sure why I have flip chart markers in my flat because there are definitely no flipcharts.

Posted in Little things that made me smile

A game to play

Funny how things sometimes turn up at the most opportune moment isn’t it? Yesterday I promised that I would write a better post today but then I got to today found the whole flat and empty thing continuing. I had no inspiration whatsoever and I was just starting to think I’d have to break my promise when Hello Sailor popped up and tagged me in a very exciting game of tag. I’m still quite new to blogging, so you’ll have to forgive my excitement here, but this whole game of tag thing? I totally love it!

Rules

  1. You must post the rules
  2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
  3. Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged
  4. Tag (eleven) people with a link to your post
  5. Let them know they’ve been tagged

Here are my answers to the questions posed by Hello Sailor:

1. Do you think you could survive a zombie apocalypse and if so what would be your weapon of choice? If there was a zombie apocalypse I’d shit my pants and then probably hide in the wardrobe. I’d only survive if the zombies didn’t think to look in the wardrobe or if chucking miscellaneous items of clothing was enough to scare the zombies off*.

2. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Okay. So I’m assuming I don’t have to worry about nutrition? I’m tempted to say balsamic vinegar because it’s one of my favourite things in the world but you really have to eat it with something else (preferably olive oil and bread) to get the full effect and I’d probably get fed up with just balsamic vinegar on its own. Plus, technically I would have to drink it so I don’t think it would count anyway. The second thing that comes to mind is a full English breakfast but I’m worried that might not count because it’s more than one thing. I also really like pickled onions, Milano salami and cheese but, much like balsamic vinegar, they don’t work so well alone. Anyway…. having weighed up all the options** I’ve decided I’m going to live on the crunchy loveliness of sea salt and balsamic vinegar kettle chips for the rest of my life. Because I love them and because it means I won’t have to miss out on balsamic vinegar altogether.

3. Do you think Noah had woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? Noah must have had woodpeckers on the ark because I don’t think he was mean enough to leave them behind just because they were a bit noisy and might sink his boat. I expect he wrapped their beaks up in cotton wool or something soft like that and let them think they were pecking away when really they were just banging their heads against the wall***

4. If space flight was affordable, would you go, just because you could? Do you know, I don’t think I would. I like the idea but a) I’m not very good in small spaces (like spaceships for example) and b) sometimes I get someplace and decide that I want to go home IMMEDIATELY. I don’t suppose you can change your mind like that once you get to space.

5. Would you very kindly draw me a picture of a bird and post it on your blog so I can add to my collection? Oh no…. this one has made my blood run cold because I’m really not very good at drawing. At all. Can I have some extra time to do this part of the homework please Sailor?  It’ll probably take me like a squillion attempts and then it still won’t be very good. But, as it’s you, I will try my best.

6. Do you think unicorns exist? My take on unicorns is almost the same as my take on God. No-one can prove that they exist but no-one can prove that they don’t; which in my book means they might. The only difference (to me) between unicorns and god is that I kinda hope that unicorns do exist but I don’t really mind about God but not in a blasphemous way****.

7. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Were there razors in the jungle? Erm… who says Tarzan doesn’t have a beard:

8. How old do you think you would be if you didn’t know how old you are? Well. I think I would be the age I am now even if I didn’t know what age I was. Then again it would probably be quite easy to convince me I was a different age if I didn’t know what age I was. But double then again it wouldn’t matter what age I thought I was because I would still definitely be the age I am even if I didn’t know what age I was or if I thought I was a different age. My head hurts.

9. Will you be joining me on my boat when I win the lottery? Sounds fantabulous to me if you’ll have me. I’m not very big and I’m good at tidying up so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. But I might have to bring my cat and he’s quite special. That okay?

10. What makes you, you?

All the stuff that ever happened and all the stuff that will; all the books I ever read and all the songs I ever heard*****; everybody I ever met and everything they said to me. Oh, and the fact that I’m not very big (meaning you’d hardly notice me on a boat) and I’m good at tidying things up (especially boats). Did me and Gryff make it onto your boat?

11. Did you like my questions?

I loved your questions apart from the one that made my head hurt.

*It might seem unlikely but you haven’t seen some of the fashion disasters I’ve had over the years

**As you can see, I’m taking this game quite seriously

***I am familiar with this feeling

****I’m so going to hell

*****Even the really crap ones like Candle in the wind

Here are my eleven questions:

  1. What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
  2. Are you a dog person, a cat person, or some-other-kind-of-animal person?
  3. What is your opinion of mushrooms?*
  4. Could you recommend a good book please?
  5. What’s your motto?
  6. Is it okay to lie to spare somebody’s feelings?
  7. What’s the best thing about blogging?
  8. Could you tell me a joke or share something funny?
  9. Is there something that you don’t like but wish that you did?
  10.  What would you do if you found a ferret in the street?**
  11.  What should I ask if I really want to get to know you?***

*I personally think that they are evil

**I ask for a reason

***For future reference

And here are the bloggers I’m tagging (note to people I’m tagging, no need to feel obliged to take part I just thought it was good fun)

Adverse Universe

Nothing in my noggin

Hello Sailor (sorry but I do so want to hear your answers!)

The Quiet Borderline

Garry Williams Blog

Minutiae

Anxiery Adventures

Alma204

The Mirth of Despair

Undoing Crazy

Another Battle