I suppose you know it’s been WAY too long since your last blog post when the great and the good of the blogosphere start popping up all over the place to say “hey there WeeGee! Are you still there or did you go and fall off the end of the universe or something?”
I’m not entirely sure how it got to be quite so long since my last post. I’m conscious that it was a big post and that maybe, at least in a small part, I spooked myself a little when I realised quite how candid I’d been. Most people were nothing short of AWESOME about the whole ‘attention real world: I am a mental person’ thing but one or two weren’t quite so pleased which hurt a little. Then again, I guess all it goes to show is that you can’t please all of the people all of the time……
Anyhow – that’s all done with now and I’m back which means there’s only one thing for it: A Spectacular Update On All The Spectacular Things WeeGee Has Been Up To. Who’s in?
So. Is everything all spectacular here in WeeGee land? Well of course not, but that’s not the way the world works. On the other hand if you were to ask is WeeGee well, and taking care of herself, and still putting one foot in front of the other? Well hell yes, and then some. When you’re depressed I think you think that getting better is going to be the opposite of where you are, and that you’ll somehow start to leap out of bed in the morning full of hope, and optimism and HAPPINESS. The thing is that the normal brains don’t work like that, so why on earth would a getting better mental brain behave that way?
Life isn’t perfect, or perhaps more accurately, the way I interact with life isn’t perfect. I’m still pretty frightened, and overwhelmed, and likely to hide. But I’m out there, and I’m doing it anyway and if I’m honest it really doesn’t feel too bad most of the time. Do you know what? If this is as far as I’m ever going to get I’m going to take it and be content: it doesn’t feel too bad most of the time. I don’t suppose you can say much fairer than that.
Since last I blogged I’ve been having a real life. I’ve been finding my mojo at work, and working things out with Mr Friendly, and taking lots of photos, and cooking lots of food. I guess I’ve been doing what I said I was going to do: working out who WeeGee is now. Maybe that’s the headline – it isn’t perfect, but WeeGee finally has a real life and she likes it.
As always I saved the best for last. On the one hand I know that another person shouldn’t ever count as the best thing. But on the other hand that rule doesn’t account for Mr Awesome Thing Number Five* turning up. What can I say? That I don’t deserve him? That I can’t believe my luck? Or that maybe I’m going to take this too because it works (thus far) and that we’re happy (thus far) and can anyone spot anything else that matters? Thought not…..
Much in the same way as I didn’t mean to be unwell, I didn’t mean to get better. I kept on keeping on, doing all the right stuff, and hoping for the future. Where I’m at now just kinda happened, and that’s not miraculous. It’s just the way life ebbs and flows, and the way the brain behaves, and the way somehow, if you hold on tight enough you’ll always come out on the other side.
I love you all lots like jelly tots
*if I’d known how things were going to turn out is have given him a shorter name.