Today I have mostly been being a happy little soul because I don’t have a single reason to be anything else. Perhaps that isn’t entirely true because not everything is perfect and I’m sure I could find something to be miserable and overwhelmed about if I put my mind to it. The thing is I’ve decided that from here on WeeGee is going to stop putting her mind to being miserable and overwhelmed and concentrate on being AWESOME instead. It’s much better fun being alive when you’re too busy being AWESOME to be miserable and overwhelmed….
I made an important discovery this past week – it turns out if you stop worrying, and fretting, and being all miserable and overwhelmed you start to find the courage to face up to the things that are making you feel that way. This is important because when you start facing up to things, and taking action, and being positive about the negatives you eventually find that you’re dealing with the negatives in a sensible and coherent way. I guess if you keep that up for long enough you eventually get to a point where you’ve completely run out of negatives (although I suspect that one or two new negatives might pop up along the way because that’s just the way things works). I wonder if this way of looking at things is what they call ‘coping’? I really hope so, because if you look back through the history of WeeGee and her problems they have manifested themselves in all kinds of different ways but they’ve always come down to the same thing: WeeGee struggles to cope with being alive.
At the moment being alive feels pretty fine and dandy to me. I don’t really mind that people can be confusing and cruel or that the Big Wide World doesn’t always make sense because I’m happy to concentrate on My Little World and the honest and kind people I’ve spent a long time surrounding myself with. I don’t care that work is stressful or that I’m a bit on the skint side because work won’t be stressful for ever and I won’t always be skint – all things must pass. It doesn’t matter that sad things happen and then live in your heart for a very long time because if you never felt sad you wouldn’t appreciate how AWESOME it is when you feel happy. It doesn’t even matter that I’ve got a nuclear case of psoriasis going on because psoriasis really isn’t the kind of thing that ought to matter regardless of how nuclear it is.
This time last week I was feeling a bit mixed up and unsure and now I’m feeling completely together and certain and (how AWESOME is this?) it was little old me who got myself from one feeling to the other. Sure, I wobbled about all over the place for a little while but then I stopped wobbling, had a little think about what all the fuss was about, and then everything was okay again because the fuss was about nothing that matters. The fuss was about wonky expectations, and taking what people say to heart and not trusting myself to make my own choices just in case they went wrong and I couldn’t cope and went mental again. Those aren’t things that I’m prepared to base my decisions on anymore.
I have to trust how I feel and what I think and what I want because that’s what I’ve been working towards for all this time – WeeGee in the driving seat and in charge of her life and emotions just like a normal person. I also have to trust people and let them to get close because that’s the only way I’ll ever disprove the ridiculous theory that everybody lets you down and leaves in the end. Above all else I have to trust in the person that WeeGee is. If that means that I wear my heart on my sleeve, or care too much, or accept too easily or be too kind or whatever else it is that people say I do – so be it.
I know I wear my heart on my sleeve, that I care about people, and accept who and what they are, and that I’m kind – always and to everybody. What can I say? I can only ever be the me I’m supposed to be and besides – how is any of that a bad thing anyway?
Loadsa love from WeeGee McHappyLittleSoul xoxoxox
PS – It’s been ages since we’ve had a ‘meanwhile in other news’ or any asterisks isn’t it? Happen I’ll have to put that right sometime soon xoxoxox