Posted in Some thoughts about my journey

Okay while it lasts

I feel that I should blog. So here I am – blogging. It’s hard to blog about being mental when you’re not feeling especially mental…..

Whenever I start feeling okay I think “this is it; I’m finally okay” but I have to try to remember that it doesn’t really work like that.

Okay lasts as long as okay wants to and then it replaces itself with not okay again. Which is fine so long as I’m ready for not okay when it comes around. Trouble is it’s almost impossible to truly ready yourself for not okay when things are okay. If you see what I mean?

There are a few things coming up that I need to prepare myself for – anniversaries and such like. It’s daft because the only anniversaries that mean anything to me are the bad ones: it’s x amount of time since such and such a terrible thing happened. Why does that have to matter more than the fact that it’s x amount of time since something good happened? Broken brain is the answer I suppose.

Anyhoo. I’m not feeling particularly mental at the moment, but I’ve got this horrible feeling that the mentals are coming.

Why won’t they just leave me alone?

Lots of love from WeeGee


6 thoughts on “Okay while it lasts

  1. I am glad to hear you are having a bit of a break and feeling some “okay” right now. Yes, the mentals may come back but at least you have had this time to recharge your batteries somewhat? Fill your days with some happy to give you ammo to fight the mentals with? I’m keeping my fingers crossed that okay lasts as long as you need it to before the battles start again. xxx

  2. I know what you mean. I had an affair in january 19 years ago, but till this day, I look at my husband and feel terrible everytime I look at him. I love him and he forgave and loves me back but I always feel obligated to say yes to him for everything because of it. Every january I think he thinks about it too, and feel like he’ll never fully trust me again even though he says he does. Maybe it’s just me and im so guilty I don’t think I will ever be myself again, It plays on my mind that I did this to our marriage, I made him distrust me, I hurt him, I am the reason he is sad and I am sad…

    1. Hey you… It sounds to me like you are blaming yourself for past deeds. Marking an anniversary is one thing, but refusing to forgive yourself is another. Please try to be kind to one another xx

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