Blogging – Page 14 – How do you eat an elephant?

Tag – round two

Posted on July 3, 2012July 3, 2012 by WeeGee

The wonderful and lovely Brandic32 at nothinginmynoggin (if you don’t already you really should read this blog) answered my last set of questions and then went and tagged me so It appears that I am ‘it’ again.

Here are the questions and answers this time round.

1. If we live on after we die, and we are able to take one object with us (not human or animal, sorry), what would you take and why?

Hmm. The first thing to say is that I’m not sure I like the idea of living on after I die. That whole thing about eternity does my head in.

Anyway, back to the question, I wouldn’t take anything sentimental because I definitely don’t want to feel sad for eternity. I was going to say a watch because I hate not knowing the time but on second thoughts I’m not sure it would be a good idea to keep an eye on the time in eternity – I expect it would drive one slightly mental. Oh I know – Can I take a book? If so, I’ll take the complete short stories of Muriel Spark because there are lots of them, they are very good, and they feel a bit different every time you read them.

2. Have you seen a good movie recently? (within the last year-ish) Please describe what it is about this movie that you liked.

I’m not a movie person I’m afraid. It’s one of my regular new year’s resolutions to see more films but I never seem to manage it. I did enjoy Greenberg but it’s not a recent film– it was sweet and sad and quirky. I also loved the line ‘You love me more than you think you do’ because it struck a chord with me at the time.

3. If someone gave you $1,000 – or 1,000 pounds, or 1,000 euros, etc depending on where you live – and you weren’t allowed to “invest it”, how would you spend it?

I’ll have 1000 Great British Pounds please and I wouldn’t dream about investing it! I’d love to say I’d buy something sensible, useful or charitable but I’d most probably buy frivolous things, like gadgets, clothes and shoes. I’m not as shallow as that makes me sound though!

4. Are you a morning person or a night person? Why do you prefer this time of day?

I have to say that I’m a night person but only by virtue of the fact that I am most definitely not a morning person. I HATE the mornings, especially in the winter. I generally need a couple of hours after waking before I can communicate with people politely.

5. If you could have your dream job, what would it be?

At the moment I have a job that I love, that I’m good at and that is well paid so I’m quite content with my lot. Still, as this is a dream can I opt to do exactly what I do now for maybe ten times the pay?!

6. If you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life (and have no other access to any other music), what music album would you choose?

My favourite album is the Holy Bible by the Manic Street Preachers, but, as much as I love it I don’t think it’s one to listen to for the rest of your life! Instead I’ll choose The First Three Years by Frank Turner because it has most of my favourite Frank songs on and it’s longer than the average album.

7. Are you a fan of fireworks?

I’m not a big fan of fireworks. I personally find them a bit underwhelming, but worse than that they frighten my cat which is just not on.

8. If you could have a painting of anything on your wall, what would you want it to be of?

I have a one on my wall that was painted by the fair hand of a good friend of mine. It isn’t actually ‘of anything’, but if you look closely you can kinda see a skull. It’s not that I necessarily want a painting of a skull on my wall but I do like having something painted by a friend there. It’s a really good reminder of important things when the chips are down.

9. Is there anything special you like to keep at your bedside?

At the moment I have a picture of me and the twins* in a black gloss frame, a momiji doll, some hand cream and a book (Alice Walker’s The Colour Purple). I tend not to be too sentimental about ‘things’, so the stuff by my bed either looks good or fulfils a function.

10. What do you like to order when you go to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or [substitute another favourite coffee/tea place here]?

I used to love a little place in Nottingham called the Bean where I always ordered a black Americano. But the Bean shut down and I gave up drinking coffee so now I opt for Earl Grey Tea or Green tea and I’m not fussy about the venue!

11. If you had the ability to be part human and part animal, and possess the best/strongest/most admirable traits of this animal in addition to the skills and traits you already possess, which animal would you want to morph with and why?

Can I be part giraffe please? That way I’d be able to use my super long neck to rise above all the rubbish in my head. But that’s not what you meant is it? Sorry!

That was jolly good fun, wasn’t it? I’m not going to tag anyone or set any more questions – not because I’m a stick-in-the-mud but because I’ve had one hell of a day and don’t have the mental capacity for it.

*The twins belong to one of my best friends, they are five and very cute.

Little things that made me smile

A milestone

Posted on July 1, 2012July 1, 2012 by WeeGee

Welcome to week number ten of ‘How do you eat an elephant’!

I can’t quite believe that I’ve kept it up for so long! You see, I have a habit of starting things and not finishing them. Not that you ever really ‘finish’ a blog, but you know what I mean. I usually come up with an idea, get filled full of enthusiasm, get a bit obsessed for a little while and then lose interest and give up. After ten weeks it doesn’t feel like I’m going to lose interest or give up so I’m giving myself a pat on the back today.

When I started writing I had no idea if anyone would read what I had to say, let alone find it remotely interesting, so it’s been really exciting for me watching my site stats and followers grow over the past ten weeks. The best thing, though, has been the lovely, super welcoming community that I’ve found here on WordPress – I’ve met some truly lovely people and I’ve really enjoyed reading all of the brilliant blogs I follow.

I’m going to stop now before I go all gushing but before I do I wanted to say a huge, massive and great big thank you to all my fellow mentalists out there 🙂

I’ll aim to write a proper post tomorrow – I’ve got lots to tell you about. Unfortunately I’ve also got lots to do and time is pressing on!

See you in a bit,

Wee Gee xxx

Little things that made me smile

Can you tell what it is yet?!

Posted on June 30, 2012 by WeeGee

A few days ago the lovely Sailor asked me to draw a picture of a bird and then post it on my blog. I’m not very good at drawing things but she did ask very nicely so I said I would despite my misgivings about making a fool of myself on the Internet*

Did I mention that I’m not very good at drawing? I can describe what something looks like pretty well but I can’t seem to put it into an actual picture – I guess that’s just the way my brain works**. So, because I had no idea how to draw a bird I set myself the challenge of learning how to draw one using the interweb and the materials available in my flat. The materials available in my flat were:

A4 narrow ruled paper
4 flip chart markers in assorted colours***
2 highlighter pens also in assorted colours
A pencil

Anyway the long and the short of it is that I am pleased to report I have now learnt how to draw a bird (but please do note that I have not, by any stretch of the imagination, learnt to do it well).

Here it is:

I’m quite pleased with myself even though it is a bit rubbish because it does vaguely resemble a bird/woodpecker (to me at least).There will be no further adventures in art from me but I did rather enjoy this one because I’m simple like that.

Ta ta for now, Wee Gee x

*More accurately, I had misgivings about making a fool of myself on the Internet again

**I don’t think this is anything to do with being mental though

***I say assorted colours. There were actually three. And I’m not sure why I have flip chart markers in my flat because there are definitely no flipcharts.

Little things that made me smile

A game to play

Posted on June 28, 2012June 28, 2012 by WeeGee

Funny how things sometimes turn up at the most opportune moment isn’t it? Yesterday I promised that I would write a better post today but then I got to today found the whole flat and empty thing continuing. I had no inspiration whatsoever and I was just starting to think I’d have to break my promise when Hello Sailor popped up and tagged me in a very exciting game of tag. I’m still quite new to blogging, so you’ll have to forgive my excitement here, but this whole game of tag thing? I totally love it!

Rules –

You must post the rules
Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged
Tag (eleven) people with a link to your post
Let them know they’ve been tagged

Here are my answers to the questions posed by Hello Sailor:

1. Do you think you could survive a zombie apocalypse and if so what would be your weapon of choice? If there was a zombie apocalypse I’d shit my pants and then probably hide in the wardrobe. I’d only survive if the zombies didn’t think to look in the wardrobe or if chucking miscellaneous items of clothing was enough to scare the zombies off*.

2. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Okay. So I’m assuming I don’t have to worry about nutrition? I’m tempted to say balsamic vinegar because it’s one of my favourite things in the world but you really have to eat it with something else (preferably olive oil and bread) to get the full effect and I’d probably get fed up with just balsamic vinegar on its own. Plus, technically I would have to drink it so I don’t think it would count anyway. The second thing that comes to mind is a full English breakfast but I’m worried that might not count because it’s more than one thing. I also really like pickled onions, Milano salami and cheese but, much like balsamic vinegar, they don’t work so well alone. Anyway…. having weighed up all the options** I’ve decided I’m going to live on the crunchy loveliness of sea salt and balsamic vinegar kettle chips for the rest of my life. Because I love them and because it means I won’t have to miss out on balsamic vinegar altogether.

3. Do you think Noah had woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? Noah must have had woodpeckers on the ark because I don’t think he was mean enough to leave them behind just because they were a bit noisy and might sink his boat. I expect he wrapped their beaks up in cotton wool or something soft like that and let them think they were pecking away when really they were just banging their heads against the wall***

4. If space flight was affordable, would you go, just because you could? Do you know, I don’t think I would. I like the idea but a) I’m not very good in small spaces (like spaceships for example) and b) sometimes I get someplace and decide that I want to go home IMMEDIATELY. I don’t suppose you can change your mind like that once you get to space.

5. Would you very kindly draw me a picture of a bird and post it on your blog so I can add to my collection? Oh no…. this one has made my blood run cold because I’m really not very good at drawing. At all. Can I have some extra time to do this part of the homework please Sailor? It’ll probably take me like a squillion attempts and then it still won’t be very good. But, as it’s you, I will try my best.

6. Do you think unicorns exist? My take on unicorns is almost the same as my take on God. No-one can prove that they exist but no-one can prove that they don’t; which in my book means they might. The only difference (to me) between unicorns and god is that I kinda hope that unicorns do exist but I don’t really mind about God but not in a blasphemous way****.

7. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Were there razors in the jungle? Erm… who says Tarzan doesn’t have a beard:

8. How old do you think you would be if you didn’t know how old you are? Well. I think I would be the age I am now even if I didn’t know what age I was. Then again it would probably be quite easy to convince me I was a different age if I didn’t know what age I was. But double then again it wouldn’t matter what age I thought I was because I would still definitely be the age I am even if I didn’t know what age I was or if I thought I was a different age. My head hurts.

9. Will you be joining me on my boat when I win the lottery? Sounds fantabulous to me if you’ll have me. I’m not very big and I’m good at tidying up so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. But I might have to bring my cat and he’s quite special. That okay?

10. What makes you, you?

All the stuff that ever happened and all the stuff that will; all the books I ever read and all the songs I ever heard*****; everybody I ever met and everything they said to me. Oh, and the fact that I’m not very big (meaning you’d hardly notice me on a boat) and I’m good at tidying things up (especially boats). Did me and Gryff make it onto your boat?

11. Did you like my questions?

I loved your questions apart from the one that made my head hurt.

*It might seem unlikely but you haven’t seen some of the fashion disasters I’ve had over the years

**As you can see, I’m taking this game quite seriously

***I am familiar with this feeling

****I’m so going to hell

*****Even the really crap ones like Candle in the wind

Here are my eleven questions:

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
Are you a dog person, a cat person, or some-other-kind-of-animal person?
What is your opinion of mushrooms?*
Could you recommend a good book please?
What’s your motto?
Is it okay to lie to spare somebody’s feelings?
What’s the best thing about blogging?
Could you tell me a joke or share something funny?
Is there something that you don’t like but wish that you did?
What would you do if you found a ferret in the street?**
What should I ask if I really want to get to know you?***

*I personally think that they are evil

**I ask for a reason

***For future reference

And here are the bloggers I’m tagging (note to people I’m tagging, no need to feel obliged to take part I just thought it was good fun)

Adverse Universe

Nothing in my noggin

Hello Sailor (sorry but I do so want to hear your answers!)

About today

I did not see that one coming

Posted on June 16, 2012June 16, 2012 by WeeGee

Okay, so the first thing I should say is that this post discusses self harm. If you think that might put you in a dangerous place please look away now, because it’s important to everybody that everybody stays safe.

{Pause to allow people to look away now}*

The second thing to say is that I’m currently on step number three of the safety plan**. I used to have three ‘real’ people I could communicate with if I thought I was in a risky situation: Mr Wise, Mr Hilarious and Mr Friendly, but now I’ve added my blog to the list of ‘people it is safe to communicate with’. The aforementioned Mr’s*** are otherwise engaged, and (as daft as it sounds) I’m not in the right place for crisis intervention so I’m writing this post in an attempt to communicate all this crazy stuff out of my head.

{Pause for a few deep breaths}

Here’s what happened. I sat down to write a post (it’s a funny story about me at a party so I’ll probably get round to posting it another time) and then I had a nosebleed. A proper, massive, wouldn’t stop nosebleed.

I don’t think I’ve had a proper, massive, wouldn’t stop nosebleed since I was about twelve years old and although I know it should have been a tad distressing, I actually really liked it. I liked it because all that bright red blood on a white tissue felt like the most sensible, meaningful thing on earth and I thought to myself that if my nose stops bleeding there would still be lots of other ways to get back to the most sensible and meaningful thing on earth.

I haven’t cut myself since last November. I didn’t really remember doing it but the evidence suggested that I made a pretty serious attempt to actually cut one of my legs off. To be fair, that was an isolated incident and it’s a very long time since each morning has been about working out what I’d done the day before with reference to the bloody rags and sharp implements scattered around me. I was in an awful, painful place, I have some pretty hideous scars and would do anything, anything, anything to go back in time and make it not happen. So why should it make any sense whatsoever to think that slicing myself open and watching the blood ooze out is the answer to a question that I haven’t even worked out yet?

Nowadays, I tend to work on the assumption that I am a grown up, and that I have therefore found grown up, subtle ways to hurt myself. As if that’s some kind of achievement! I know it’s a load of blinking rubbish, because most grown-ups don’t spend any time what-so-bloody-ever thinking about hurting themselves. What’s this thing about hurting myself even more than I’m already hurting? What’s this thing about bright red blood on white tissues? Roar, roar and triple roar. Can I start again please?

I’m sorry if this one is a bit rambling, but it was more about getting thoughts out of my brain than achieving a coherent post…..

Meanwhile in other news I have managed three meals and a trip to the outside world today, and my cat has just about got used to the new voile panel in our flat. Oh. And I went to a party yesterday.

Take care, Wee Gee x

*I hope you won’t think I’m being flippant because I’m really not – it’s just my way.

**At the moment my number one mission in life is to be well enough to be able to cope without a safety plan.

***I know perfectly well that Mr’s is not an ideal use of the apostrophe, but according to the OED style guide it is acceptable to use an apostrophe to ensure clarity of meaning. If I’d put Mrs it would have looked like I meant a married lady person, rather than the plural of Mr. (What can I say? I’m the grammar police so I’m getting my alibi in early….)

Little things that made me smile

Lots of loveliness (an award? Who moi?)

Posted on June 15, 2012July 3, 2012 by WeeGee

While I was in Nottingham Hello Sailor went and nominated me for the One Lovely Blog award. I’ve not been blogging for very long so I’m really touched to have been nominated, plus, this one is super exciting because I get to share seven random things about myself. Hurrah!

Step one is to thank the blogger who nominated you:

Dear Hello Sailor. I proper love reading your blog because it is truly one of the most fab blogs ever. Thank you very, very, very much for nominating me for this award – it has made be smile and right now that is a BIG achievement. I’d have liked to nominate you back, but I thought that was a bit weird. Love and kisses Wee Gee x

Step two is to share seven things about myself:

Here are seven things about me which may, or may not be very interesting depending on your take on things:

1. I was hit by a Double Decker bus and lived to tell the tale. Not only did I live to tell the tale I would have stood up and walked away if the nice paramedic man hadn’t forbidden me to stand up.

2. I was the head girl at my school which is a rather unlikely achievement for so many reasons, but not least because I was a full blown comedy mentalist at the time.

3. Some of my friends rather hilariously refers to me as ‘the three degrees’ because I have three degrees.

4. I become obsessive about things and therefore have an ever growing list of things to obsess about. The current list includes: Frank Turner, Crime Watch, Monk, Dexter, Blogging, my new voile panel, making guacamole and eating manuka honey.

5. I’m Scottish but I don’t speak with a Scottish accent unless a) I’m speaking to someone who also has a Scottish accent or b) I feel like it. Part b allows me to confound people at will.

6. I have had the same iron since 1997 and it works perfectly well thank you very much.

7. I don’t do a lot of ironing.

Step three is to nominate ten blogs you admire:

It took me a while to whittle it down to ten but in the end I settled on the list below. I’m nominating these blogs in particular because I admire them (obviously) and also because I thought it would be a good way of thanking the bloggers in question for writing such lovely blogs for me to read. Some are funny, some are sad; some are brave, some are vulnerable; some remind me of who I used to be, some of who I am now, and some make me think about who I want to be when I grow up; all are marvellous in their own special way.

Anyway, in no particular order, here are the blogs I’ve chosen:

1. Sparrow in the snow
2. Its a beautiful disaster
3. Another battle
4. Halfway between the gutter and the stars
5. Anxiety adventures
6. Diary of the princess of tides
7. Everything but the kitchen sink
8. Struggling with the elephant in the room
9. Pialosophy
10. Adverse Universe

That’s all from me folks.

Take care, Wee Gee x

Little things that made me smile

Aww you guys

Posted on June 5, 2012June 5, 2012 by WeeGee

I’m feeling a nice warm glow today because two of my readers have nominated my blog for a reader appreciation award. I’m really chuffed about this because a) who wouldn’t be chuffed to get an award and b) when I first started my blog I didn’t think anyone would be remotely interested in reading it let alone find something in it to appreciate. Being appreciated is nice.

Anyway. Apparently I have to jump through some hoops to pick up this award, so without further ado: let the hoop jumping commence….

Include the logo somewhere in your blog

Here is the logo somewhere in my blog:

Answer ten questions about yourself for fun

What’s your favourite colour? Instinctively I’d say I don’t have a favourite colour, but I guess you just have to look around my flat to see that I’m obviously rather partial to purple albeit on a subconscious level.
What’s your favourite animal? Generally speaking my favourite animals are cats. Specifically my favourite animal is my lovely little cat Gryff.
What’s your favourite non-alcoholic drink? I drink a lot of white tea, so I suppose it must be that.
What’s your favourite pattern? A nice, neat symmetrical one.
Facebook or Twitter? Twitter. Facebook makes me despair of the human race.
Do you prefer getting or giving presents? In truth I find both eventualities a bit awkward, but on balance I probably find giving gifts the least toe curling of the two.
Favourite number? I do rather like it when things come in groups of three (I don’t know why) so three.
Favourite day of the week? Monday – it’s a fresh start that comes around again and again.
Favourite flower? I’ll say roses because I have a little daydream about a cottage in Oxfordshire where I grow roses and because they remind me of ‘roses in the hospital’ by the Manic Street Preachers.
What’s your passion? Possibly music, possibly fiction, possibly justice. Is that cheating?

Nominate 10-12 blogs you enjoy. Or pick a number.

I’m going to ignore the first part of that instruction and pick three because I like things to come in groups of three. So, in no particular order here are the blogs I’d like to nominate.

Hello Sailor: I’ll eat my hat if Hello Sailor hasn’t received this award, like, a zillion times over, but I really do enjoy reading it so I’m going to include it anyway. Put simply, there is nothing not to love about this blog.
Trying to break free: The writer started this blog at around about the same time that I started writing mine and I’ve really enjoyed following her progress. Aside from that the writer is a total sweetheart – full of kindness, good advice and timely *hugs*.
I only started following AdverseUniverse a few days ago but it really struck a chord with me so I’d like to nominate it. I love how articulate, brave and honest it is and I think it’s really important that blogs like this, which counter the whole ‘pro-ana’ thing, exist. The art work is awesome too.

Pay the love forward: Provide your nominee’s link in your post and comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been included and invited to participate.

Links above. I’ll swing past their sites any minute now….

Pay the love back with gratitude and a link to the blogger(s) who nominated you.

The first thing to say is that the two bloggers who nominated me are two of my favourites and by rights I would have nominated them. But if I nominate them back, they might feel obliged to re-nominate me back, and then I them. And so on and so forth ad infinitum until everyone gets very bored!

Sparrow in the snow is one of the first blogs I came across when I joined WordPress. It’s a sweet and enchanting blog – sometimes funny, sometimes vulnerable but always worth a read.

Another battle is also one of my earliest discoveries. It’s a personal blog which captures the ups and downs that come with the illness perfectly; it’s honest and courageous, but most of all it’s determined.

So that’s it. All done.

Some thoughts about my journey

A cunning plan

Posted on June 1, 2012June 2, 2012 by WeeGee

I can be a bit flakey about keeping things up so today I’m feeling really rather pleased with myself because I’ve managed to keep writing my blog, reasonably regularly, for five whole weeks. Although five weeks isn’t the longest of times, it is definitely long enough to give me a little lift heading into the dreaded Bank Holiday weekend.

I’ve spent a little bit of time trying to work out what I want my blog to be when it grows up. Sometimes I think I want to use it to record my progress, sometimes I think I want to use it to set out how I feel, and sometimes I think I want to use it to write down what’s been going in my world.

And then it occurred to me that it can be all of those things as well as anything else I decide I want it to be in the future – it is my blog after all!

If I’m going to be writing about the things that go on in my world, I’ll probably have to mention my friends and family from time to time and since I don’t even use my own name when blogging it didn’t feel right to be referring to those people by name. At the same time ‘my friend’ and ‘another friend’ and a ‘different friend’ might get a little tiresome and confusing in the fullness of time.

Anyway, I’d already written about a few of my nearest of dearest giving each one an alias along the lines of a Mr Men character so I thought I’d revive that naming convention just in case I wanted to distinguish between the people who are part of my story. What a cunning plan! I posted a list here, but if and when I use them I’ll give the person a suitable introduction the first time round*.

*Actually, it’ll be the next time round because I’m off to the pub with Mr Hungry, Mr Hilarious, Mr Brave, Mr Nice and Mrs Sparkle shortly and I haven’t got time to do the full into bit right now!

Some thoughts about my journey

Back to the drawing board

Posted on May 21, 2012May 21, 2012 by WeeGee

I’ve spent a lot of time reading the blogs of other people who have similar difficulties and challenges to me and I’ve been amazed how many of them there are, and how many have struck a chord with me. People seem to blog for all kinds of reasons – for some it’s about therapy, for others it’s venting and for some it’s about reaching out for a little bit of old-fashioned human kindness. The obvious question to ask myself now is ‘why am I really blogging’?

When I started my blog a few weeks ago I decided I was going write about my attempts to live well and overcome depression. I knew I wanted to record my journey, and that I maybe wanted to share it if anyone was interested but above all else I was determined that the daily ins and outs of my mental health were going to be something of a side issue: I wanted to keep my writing upbeat and positive – this was going to be about progress and recovery and everything else was getting left out. I still think this was a noble aim, but after almost four weeks of writing I’m starting to wonder if my approach is a little too rigid and perhaps, unrealistic. My rules allow me to say I suffer from depression, that I had a bad day, that things aren’t going well, but they don’t allow me to spend any time explaining or analysing what any of that feels like or what it really means. And those things, are probably the biggest part of my story.

I live with the day to day impact of depression; It’s a big part of my life and in banning myself from writing the truth about it I’m leaving big parts of the story out. I don’t want to change tack completely, and it’s still really important for me to focus on achievements (one of my little aims in life is to make sure that the word ‘depression’ is never bigger than the word ‘achievement’ in my tag cloud!) but I called this blog ‘how do you eat an elephant’, not ‘the elephant in the room’!

So I’ve decided that it’s important that I allow myself to recognise the reality of being me in my writing here. I don’t necessarily want to turn this into a mirror image of the depths of despair that my mind can come to, but I don’t want to pretend that stuff isn’t happening either. After all, the real achievement is that I carry on – getting little things done and getting slightly better every now and again – in spite of the reality of being me. What I think I’m saying is that ‘me’ is important even if ‘me’ isn’t always pretty.

As I’ve already said, nobody is ever going to want to shout about mental illness from the rooftops, but if someone like me (who has even gone to the lengths of setting up a blog just to write about depression) isn’t willing to acknowledge the truth of it then mental ill health seems destined to always have the quality of a dirty little secret.