Posted in Recovery?

Ships with holes will sink

The first thing to say about today’s post is that it’s completely unrelated to the title. ‘Ships with holes will sink’ is the name of a song I’ve been listening to a lot recently, mainly because it seems to neatly sum up that thing I refer to as ‘the story of my life’. Needless to say it isn’t exactly cheerful, and I don’t suppose it’ll be everybody’s cup of tea but we might as well have a listen to get us started:

Count your lucky stars you got the acoustic version because the album track would have given you a sense of what it sometimes sounds like inside my head and it isn’t exactly easy listening……

Anyway – since last I blogged I’ve been doing what I’ve always been doing since last I blogged: having a nice little think. Sometimes I wonder if I might be the most thoughtful person on the planet but then I remember my blogging buddies and realise that I’m one of an elite few alien-people from planet mental. It makes a difference, doesn’t it? Knowing you’re not alone?

There was a point over the weekend when I felt like I was completely and utterly alone AND on the wrong planet. There were nasty little thoughts swimming around in my head and I was starting to feel something I hadn’t felt for a little while – hopeless. And then I thought something very important. I thought what would Mrs Mountain suggest? It turns out that you don’t have to see Mrs Mountain every week to get the benefit of her wisdom. I think that might be what you call progress.

I suppose all happened was that somebody got under WeeGee’s skin because they said something that seemed to prove all the terrible things that WeeGee thinks about her worthless self and her ugly black heart. The point I think is that the words said nothing whatsoever about WeeGee and awful lot about the person who said them. I’m so busy trying to see the good in people, and looking for a way to forgive them that I forget to remember that sometimes people say and do shitty things and it’s okay to be disappointed. You don’t have to turn it all back on yourself. More progress, I guess.

I’ve been thinking a lot about these claims I make about being ‘shy’ because Mr Trendy said that I’m probably the least shy person he knows. The point, I think, is that he’s right. I’m not shy at all. It’s just that shy is a handy thing to fall back on when people scare you, and when you want to hide, and when you want to avoid the start because you can’t bear the ending. I’ve never really thought of it that way before, but it seems like an important way to think about it.

The headline today, I guess, is that WeeGee is hanging on to her sense of self even though it’s easily shaken and that she’s still managing to learn brand new things about the way she operates out there in the world. You can’t say fairer than that.

Meanwhile in other news I’m a little bit fed up because it turns out that one of the initial side effects of light therapy is that your skin gets REALLY sore. Nothing else to report save that one of the other initial side effects of light therapy is getting a rather nice, Mediterranean looking tan. Swings and round abouts and all that……

Cheery bye, sweetie pies. WeeGee xoxoxoxoxo


6 thoughts on “Ships with holes will sink

  1. This is definitely progress and progress is definitely good šŸ™‚ And horrible people are not worth your time, you are worth a million of them. You are doing great WeeGee šŸ™‚ xxx

  2. Hey! I really liked your post, i really really understand what you’re going through. i’m a little bit of a borderline mess some of the time. I say some because i like to admit that i’m ok half of the time šŸ˜› i think telling myself i’m ok somehow allows the inner thoughts to back off for the time being, and it allows me to get on with life. Well, try anyway.
    I too am ‘shy’. I’m not really shy at all, i just become extremely claustrophobic when i’m in the company of certain people. Maybe these people intimidate me and im somehow unable to conjure up any conversation to impress them. Impress is such a stupid word. I am me, but to them i don’t feel like it’s enough. Messed up little heads we have right? Oh well. I honestly thought this post was insightful. Enjoyed šŸ™‚ xx

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