Good evening everybody.
I thought it was high time I did a proper update because my last few posts have been a bit existential, and topsy turvey, and – let’s face it – nonsensical. What can I say? I got a little lost in it all for a while there…..
It’s easy to get lost isn’t it? It occurs that ‘getting lost’ has nothing to do with being mental – it’s just one of those things that happens every once in a while because we’re all as mixed up as each other. My trouble, I guess, is that when I get a bit ‘mixed up’ I see it all unfolding before me, and coming down the tracks, and getting bigger and heavier all the time. And then it ends up with me jumping off a tall thing because that’s the way it always used to be. The lesson I have to learn is that it doesn’t have to be that way because I’m over that stuff now.
Sometimes all you need is a bit of perspective: a reminder of who you are now instead of the constant marker of who you used to be. Who you used to be, I think, is the only person who’ll stop you being who you’re going to be so its important that you don’t dwell on that person too much. You have to move on – always forwards, always without the past and the old you mucking it all up.
It’s ages since I mentioned any of the significant others in my life because my head’s been full of me, and how lost I get, and how difficult it can be. Today I’m going to mention Mr Friendly who never loses patience, who always points me in the right direction, and who is possibly more of a politics geek than I am. I’m glad he’s in my life. I should also mention Mr Wise AKA WeeGee’s dad who has got her this far and still sees the funny side. I’m glad he’s in my life too. As for Mrs Sparkle – where on planet mental would I be without her? Everybody needs a Mrs Sparkle in their life, with her boxes of wine and cups of tea and HUGE hugs, and the ability never to say I told you so even when she clearly did ‘told you so’. When you’ve got people like that in your life it doesn’t ever have to be difficult. I’m glad for all the people I have in my life.
I guess there’s also Mr X who is a sorta significant other. I think I maybe got a bit lost in that which isn’t to say he isn’t significant – it’s just that I’ve already got people who point me in the right direction, and who see the funny side, and who administer cups of tea. I can’t put the whole of the old WeeGee on someone new, but I can let them know ME. Me now as I really and not as what I used to be. Maybe he’ll like it, maybe he won’t but I don’t mind so long as I know the real me is the me who’s shining through. I want him to know me, now and as I am. And that’s who I’m going to be.
Did this make any more sense than my recent posts? In my head it does and maybe that’s all I can hope for.
In brief? It’s going to be okay, one way or another, so long as WeeGee is okay. And she will be.