Day two of the ‘thirty days of truth’ saw day twenty two being pulled from the envelope:
Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life
The first thing to say is that I try not to regret things too much – or at least I try not to wish that I had done things differently. The things that you do are the things that make you who you are. And I don’t really care how twee that sounds.
That said there is one thing that I wish I’d had the courage to do differently and that thing is moving to London….
I never wanted to live in London in fact, until I moved to London I actively didn’t want to live in London. The spanner in those particular works was that my boyfriend at the time lived in London and he didn’t want to live anywhere apart from London.
For the sake of clarity I say my boyfriend at the time when what I really mean is the love of my life. We were together for ten years in the end, and although we have been separated for two years I still love him with every fibre of my being.
We’d been having a long distance relationship for five years, and in some ways, that was beginning to take its toll. We had spoken about moving somewhere between London and Nottingham but he backed out of that in the end. As I said, he really didn’t want to live anywhere apart from London. When it came down to it, I decided I had to move to London or walk away from the relationship and I really didn’t want to do that.
I felt like I had to give us a chance. I tried to view it as a compromise on my part but looking back I know that it was in fact a sacrifice. I sacrificed my friends, my family and my life even though I knew, in my heart, that I was doing the wrong thing.
I knew I was doing the wrong thing from the moment I told my ex boyfriend that I had got a job in London at last. First there was a long silence and then he said ‘really’ in a tone of voice that made my heart hurt. Of course I asked him about it, but he said he had just been shocked. I tried to believe that for five years during which it became increasingly clear that he just didn’t love me. He wasn’t ready to love anybody.
On the day before I moved to London I had a long chat with my dad. He was worried and couldn’t understand why I had to move away. He said to me that when he met my mum he loved her so much he ‘would have moved heaven and earth to be with her’ and I said that was why I was doing it. Of course I missed his point.
I’m still in London (kinda), and I’ve no intention of leaving but I know I would have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had been brave enough to accept what was staring me in the face.
I suppose what I’m trying to say I don’t wish I hadn’t moved to London – I wish I hadn’t tried move heaven and earth for someone who I knew wouldn’t try to move heaven and earth for me.
Lots of love from WeeGee