There have been a few small disasters in WeeGee land over the past few days. ‘A bit of a disaster’ isn’t an uncommon event round these parts: I put it down to the fact that I am one of those unfortunate people who lurches from one crisis to the next; my dad says it has more to do with the fact that I’m something of a drama queen. He’s probably got a point….
The recent spate of disasters swam round and round in my head all day yesterday and eventually they were joined by every single ‘bit of a disaster’ that had happened since the dawn of time. That’s quite a lot of disasters to have swimming around in your head. It isn’t very pleasant at all and to cut a long story short – it makes you go a bit mental.
It’s funny* how quickly you forget how hard it is to be mental. You get a week or so off and you forget what it feels like to have a load of nonsense floating around in your head all the time. Today I feel like everything has stopped, as if it’s all over somehow, as if someone hit the pause button but left the sound running in my head.
Here’s what I know:
1. This is just a feeling
2. Feelings don’t last forever
3. Another feeling will come along eventually
Here’s what I don’t know:
1. When another feeling will come along
Looking on the bright side I do at least know more than I don’t know**
Work was difficult today. I struggled to concentrate owing to the noise in my head and because most of my concentration was being ploughed into trying not to burst into tears at any given moment. I try not to cry at work because I’m a professional like that. I didn’t really feel like talking to anybody either which was just about okay unless the phone rang…
I’m home now and the plan for the evening is to make sure that I take good care of myself even though I don’t care about myself very much at all. I’ll be cooking a meal, taking a shower, emptying the bin and maybe watching some TV. That sounds like a fairly normal evening for a normal person but I’ve got a battle on my hands to get through it. I’m tired and empty and all I really want to do is curl up into a teeny tiny ball and sob for a bit. As they say in my homeland aufurfukssakes***
I suppose the headline today is that the mentals have made a small reappearance but that I’m normal enough to know I have to reach in and grab myself.
I’m afraid I don’t have a ‘meanwhile in other news’ for you today and I definitely have nothing further to add so here endeth the post.
Love from WeeGee xxx
*It isn’t funny at all, I just said that because I couldn’t think of another word
**Although if you don’t know something how do you know you don’t know it? I guess you have to kinda know something to know you don’t know it and that’s all I know about that
***Glaswegian accent required