Posted in Welcome to my world

Breaking news: WeeGee is still thinking…..

My last post was a miserable little affair, wasn’t it? Sorry about that. I feel better for having written it because finally seeing the thoughts, in black and white, reminded me that there’s only one person responsible for the choices WeeGee makes and the way she feels in consequence and that’s WeeGee herself. What I think I’m saying is that maybe I’m not as good at boundaries as I thought I was and that there’s a lesson to learn. I do so love it when there’s a lesson…..

Since last I wrote I’ve been about a million different kinds of thoughtful – I wonder if I’ll ever be short of thoughts? I suppose I’ve been a bit hyper aware of the thoughts because there was no Mrs Mountain which meant I was completely in charge. I seem to have survived being in charge of all the thoughts without jumping off any tall things. Go me.

If I’m really honest, I suppose I’ve been having a small hide for the past week or so. It wasn’t one of those stay in bed wishing you were dead hides, more a WeeGee has been knocked for six by recent events and needs to get her thoughts in order kind of hide. I need to remember that my tendency is to give too much of myself away and that I get too wrapped up in the words and actions of other people. I need to remember that when WeeGee gets knocked for six she has to take a big step back and look after her own interests before she gets all worried about what anybody else might need from her.

Breaking news: Looking after yourself doesn’t mean you don’t care about other people too.

(Repeat ad nauseam until you believe it)

I’m still thinking about what comes next for WeeGee. I’ve added another option to the list of options. If law is my dream then I guess doing a PhD is my pipe dream but, hey, I’m feeling a bit WeeGee can take on the world right now so maybe it’s time to pursue a pipe dream? As to what I’d study? Well it’d be an AWESOME piece of research on the relationship between language, information literacy, politics and the sense of self in social media. Yep. Really. Funding might be a bit tricky, but I’m not ruling anything out just yet because that’s not the sort of mood I’m in.

Before we get onto the meanwhile in other news section I wanted to come over a teeny tiny bit sentimental if I may? It’s just that it occurred to me, while I was hiding, that there are one or two online people who’ve come to mean an awful lot to me in the real world too. You make a lot of connections with people when you blog, especially when you blog about mental health issues. Those connections are important, and start to form part of your support network and that’s TOTALLY AWESOME. At the same time, I’ve stumbled across connections that are about more than having mentalness in common and I find myself in the odd position whereby I’ve NEVER EVEN MET some of my very favourite people on the planet.

So here’s a quick shout out, and a quick thank you, and a quick hi to my friends and favourite people I’ve never met: Carrie, Kendra, Garry, Jen, Erin, Zoe, and Rhio. You guys are so special that you get to live in WeeGee’s heart. But not in a creepy way :-p

Meanwhile in other news I’ve finally started the light therapy for my psoriasis. It’s a bit of a faff but I’ve got my fingers crossed it helps because I’m close to my wits end with it all. Nothing else to report today save that I love you all lots like jelly tots.

WeeGee xoxoxo

Posted in Thirty days of truth

My old friend

I suppose I should do a ‘thirty days of truth’ post. After all, what’s the point of saying you’re going to do something and then not actually doing it….?

Day number nine came out of the envelope today which is:

Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted

A lot of people have drifted in and out of my life – it’s par for the course isn’t it? People come, people go and it’s only the people that matter who stay…. for the most part, anyway.

I have to confess to having a bit of a habit of letting people vanish out of my life. If I get the sense someone is going to leave me then I tend to get in there first and cut all ties. It does me no good, and I’m trying to work on it, but I can’t help but wonder if that’s just the way I’m built.

Anyway – I’m rambling around the question here, aren’t I?

In 2003 I was studying for my masters degree and working part time in a University library. It was the best crap job I ever had because a) I worked evenings when there was no-one around and I pretty much wrote my whole dissertation whilst at work and b) I met Katie P.

Katie P and I had an awful lot in common – values, beliefs, fears and a passion for fiction. She was training to be a teacher at the time so also did a lot of studying at work, but when we weren’t studying we whiled away the hours chatting, swapping books and on occasion having those nice safe arguments you can have with someone who although on your wavelength has a slight difference of opinion.

There was also an awful lot that Katie P and I didn’t have in common, and in some ways, that was the reason that the friendship became so precious to me. We came from completely different backgrounds and her upbringing and experiences were a far cry from the comparatively privileged life I had lived. I guess it hadn’t occurred to me how many opportunities I’d had in life until I met Katie P – I’d been too busy focusing on the bad.

Anyway – we were like two peas in a pod for the year we worked together. We spent our free time together as well as our time at work, and at the time, I couldn’t have imagined my life without her friendship in it. During the time we knew one another we both experienced some dark days and we each carried the other through them – it seemed to me that I had found a friend for life.

And then I moved to London.

We kept in touch for a long time – speaking on the phone and regular visits. But in time the phone calls dropped off and the visits fewer and further between. That’s what distance does I guess. Katie P and I exchange a few text messages a year now. Which is sad.

I miss Katie P, but, at the same time, I suspect it was one of those friendships that was there for a while and was never meant to last. Me moving away just speeded up the process but it doesn’t take away the happy times we shared whiling away a year doing the best crap job in the world…

The end.

Love from WeeGee xx